BM is an ass and FH blows up at me - like freak'n clockwork!!!
BM decides today to play more BS games. Nothing unusual. SD needs shoe NOW NOW NOW and DH need to take them tonight or her feet will fall off. SD completely oblivious about it all. Her only reply basically amounted to "Uhm...what?...yeah my sneakers are getting tight but I don't need them tonight....what?"
So he refuses to blow his one night a week (except for eow) to go to mall. Was sooooo proud of him because not 4 months ago he would have gone running. Thought everything was fine. BUT.....
8:00 rolls around and she texts that she is too busy to come pick them up. Instead of saying "fine - they stay here until your lazy ass shows up or they stay the night and I get them to school!" he jumps in the car and takes them home. Like a good little boy! Refuse one hoop to jump through? BM will set up another and and laugh when he reverts back to his training.
And then, when I point out that I am beyond sick of watching another woman run him like she is his CIA chief and he is an operative in hostile country, he flips out on me, says I am trying to control him (?????) and pouts like a toddler for the rest of the night. As he does each and every time BM makes him feel like her little bitch. Because, of course, the fact that he reverts back to her years of training and loses the ability to think the second she issues a command is MY fault........
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I used to have the same
I used to have the same problem - ie BM would say "jump" and DH's response would be "how high?"
However, over a number of years, he has totally turned this around and now ignores ALL her crap. She never got anywhere, so she eventually gave up on her games. Partly he realised himself that she was messing him around, but I also contributed by pointing out that he was reinforcing her behaviour by giving in or attempting to reason with her.
I would suggest that you keep putting your opionion of the situation to DH, but do it in a less sarcastic way, more like you and he are on the same side attempting to deal with BM's unreasonable demands. He probably feels that both of you are on his case and that he is backed into a corner.
I agree that I should be less
I agree that I should be less sarcastic (and believe me I have held back!!) and more supportive but after 4 years it is wearing on my last nerve. Yes - he has made progress but it is so damned SLOW! Just once I want him to BLAST her and not be so horribly meek! He has NO problem telling me where, how and in what manner I can go kiss my own ass but he seems incapable of doing the same to her. And I am supposed to be the one he loves!
What kills me is that he will "take the high road" with her and then turn around and dress me down like I am some sort of moron. Frankly, I think it is the embarrassment of being seen in a weak position and he wants to reestablish that he is "the man." Woop-de-fukin'-do! Be a man where it counts - with the one who is actually cutting your balls off! NOT ME!!!
I also agree that he feels he is "in the middle" or "in a corner." Well, he put himself there. Time to decide who to make happy - the one who loves you and wants you to have a relationship w/ your children or the one who takes your money ($6,000.00 a month - no lie!) and then spits in your face and tells your kids they are headed to the poor house because of you. Seriously - I fail to see the problem making up his mind......
Yup - you bet! His response
Yup - you bet! His response is that BM has the kids ears and so he is at her mercy. Truly sad that he doesn't get it. At some point they will be gone (they are teens) and he will only have me. What he most likely will not have is my respect.