I need honest opinions...
The other day, I was about to make dinner, so I went and changed out of my work clothes. FH comes into the bedroom (I was in the bathroom/closet area) and is like, "Hey... SS11... NeighborKid... to go play..."
That's all I heard. Then he was like, "So what do you think?" I said, "Well did he finish his chores and his homework?"
FH: No... but I really want him to make friends.
Me: Well... NeighborKid is like 3-4 years younger than him. I wouldn't be so focused on him making friends with him anyway
FH: So what do you think I should do?
I'm thinking, "If my kid had HOMEWORK to do, nevermind chores, no deal. You're ass isn't going anywhere. I told him to do what he thought was best. He of course, let him go, and I just brushed if off. If you want your kid who's already struggling with his studies to go outside and play before his homework is done, that's on you!
Next thing I know, SS is of course getting his shoes on. Then I hear FH walk to the door with SS, and I hear some man's voice as SS leaves. FH comes in the kitchen and I'm like, "Who was that?"
FH: That was NeighborKid's dad.
me: Why?
FH: He's taking SS and his son to the park to play basketball
WTFWTFWTFWTFWTF?
me: DO YOU KNOW THIS PERSON'S NAME?!?!?!?!?!
FH: Yeah... it's "John"
me: WHAT'S HIS LAST NAME?!
HE DIDN'T KNOW!
At this point, I nearly pass the fuck out and could hardly breathe. WHO LETS THEIR kid just GO LIKE THAT?! Am I just crazy as fuck?! So, you just let your child ride in the car with a stranger to the park because he lives next door? He could be anybody!
me: Do you know ANYTHING about him? If he's a pedophile? If he's a registered sex offender? If he has an issue with drugs/alcohol and driving?
FH: No, I don't know any of that... Why do you always try to make me feel like shit?! Like I'm a bad parent!?!
You guys, how could I trust him if I had a child with him? What if I'm traveling for work? Or if I was ill/dead? Or if he had custody? He saw nothing wrong with what happened and it made me sick to my stomach just to think about bad things that could happen. He acts like I'm wrong for calling him out about it. He said if something bad were happens, then he would know going forward. So this is a damn dress rehearsal now?!
This and some other things make me question his judgment and whether or not I know or trust the man I married. And THAT is a very scary feeling. I don't know what to make of it... Please tell me what you guys make of it. If you think I'm crazy, please tell me...
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I should add that they are
I should add that they are new to the neighborhood and we have never had a conversation with them. FH has just waved hello and the kids walk home from the bus stop together. That was the extent of the relationship at the time of this incident.
Its been my experience that
Its been my experience that its always a dress rehearsal...every situation, every decision, every time. They will always "know next time." Sit down with him and speak candidly about your values and beliefs as far as raising a family goes. Come up wit a game plan sooner instead of later. Do I think he made a bad decision? Maybe. Would I be concerned if my DH had done the same? Yep. However, I also realize that he and BM shared a certain system of child-rearing that was way out in left-field, imo. So, it may be just a matter of you guys getting on the same page and him letting go of his past habits.
I definitely see your point.
I definitely see your point. I just have to wonder if we are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to parenting. Compromise is important, but in my opinion some things can't be compromised on: You either do it or you don't. I just wonder if we differ too much when it comes to his brats and to how I would expect things to go if we ever shared a bio child.
Thanks for sharing your experience and your take on things...
"He said if something bad
"He said if something bad were happens, then he would know going forward."
cause its ok if bad happens once, don't let it happen again.
I'm with you, there is no way my kid goes off with an adult stranger. I have seen people do this because of some silly reasoning.
It's just the most asinine
It's just the most asinine thing in the world to me. If SS was my biokid, I would have been out that damn door, keys in hand, and on my way to that park to get my child. So many parents are absolutely clueless.
This is almost funny to me.
This is almost funny to me. My DH does this too- nothing that could be this serious but I can't tell you how many times he'll make a decision and then tell me about it later and I think "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Sometimes I swear he has no brain. Love him. But hes dumb when it comes to somethings.
Did he at least realize the mistake and talk to the father of the kid after the fact?
I'm pretty sure he still
I'm pretty sure he still doesn't get it. He was even going to let SS go to the movies with the NeighborKid and his dad the next morning. WTF?! If that were my child, I would lose my mind and he would have supervised visits from then on. It absolutely make me question whether or not I would EVER trust him with MY baby.
Um, no, you're not crazy.
Um, no, you're not crazy. Hell, I am our Girl Scout troop leader and my DD has become good friends with my assistant leader's daughter - she even slept over their house (after I had been there a few times and gotten to know the family) and my assistant leader will not let her daughter come to our house because she hasn't been there yet - even though we have been friends for months. And I don't blame her.
THANK YOU! I would never,
THANK YOU! I would never, ever let my child go in the car or home of someone I don't even know. He didn't even know their last name. Then last weekend, he let SS go over their to play video games. I've disengaged from the situation as far as saying anything about what he's allowing, but it is definitely making me question the hell out of him.
Seems that most biodads are
Seems that most biodads are much more casual about safety issues. Godsgift would leave power saws and tools about the house, plugged in of course and Prince Hygiene would play with them at the age of 5 or 6. No problem. I would cringe b/c if that kid got hurt, the Behemoth would sue ME and not GG!!
I think you just have to look the other way unless it affects you personally. If the skid gets abused or kidnapped; there's nothing you can do since it's biodad's decision.
Of course it will affect SM when the BM decides to prosecute BOTH of you. . .
This is why it's so important NEVER to get hooked up with a man that has a "previously enjoyed family." It's just not worth it.
Exactly. But why IS that? Are
Exactly. But why IS that? Are they just dumb or what? All I know is his ignorance leaves me in the powerless-yet-responsible-for-what-happens seat.
Ok, luckily my bf would NEVER
Ok, luckily my bf would NEVER let his daughter do that. BUT if he did, I'm pretty sure I'd freak. Bc we are trying to get pregnant, so is that how you're going to parent this one too? NO WAY! UGH...