Honestly, I dont think it goes away... but I'm still waiting to figure it out myself!

With age comes wisdom - well, mostly anyway. Try to leave the past in the past. Obviously, he had a child with another woman, but you're his wife now, correct? Why be jealous of something that happened before you?

If you can't trust your husband and he can't trust you - how on earth is a marriage going to last?

Good luck. I'm afraid you just may need it!

it can go away when your dh puts you first and backs you up. in my case, it's 6 years and counting and just now becoming tolerable. if he'd done these things right off the bat i would already be there.

I think it is very normal. Give your new husband that chance to prove to you WHY she is the EX, and you are the WIFE. It can work, and it can get better.

You've got a long road ahead of you. Some days will be easier than others and some days you'll think OMG WHAT DID I DO???? He may have had a kid with someone else, but he's not had one with YOU and YOU are the one he's in love with and married to. It will be just as exciting and wonderful because it will still be a first with YOU. Hang in there!

Maybe at first. But then the BM will act like a total MORON and whatever feeling *this* is will turn into absolute hatred. IMO. There are some on here that have none of those feelings though, but they're rare. Mostly it's hatred, not jealousy that you hear about on here. BM's DO such ignorant, horrible, evil, malicious, stupid things (and are more jealous of you most of the time - *much* more than you are of them!) - causing them to act in such ways. It's brutal.

Enjoy your road.
Nobody here knew 'what they were getting into'.

That is true, I believe BMs are waaaaaay more jealous of SMs than you would ever be of her. Always keep that tucked away in the back of your mind and pull it out when you need a pick-me-up. }:)

You are going through EXACTLY all the same feelings I had when I first married DH! But, I was very very alone and didn't even have something as simple as this website to express myself. As a result, the first few yrs of marriage were spent fighting with DH over shit I couldn't change. If someone (anyone) would have at least understood and let me know those are normal feelings, it would have been a much easier transition to step-shithood.

I also wanted to have a baby with DH and I felt exactly like you: "he already has one so are the new exciting things that come with my pregnancy just going to be boring and something he already experienced with someone???"

I really was pissed that his "first" experience at that was not with me. I mean, it really tortured me. I got so tired of everyone giving me the same old USELESS advice and lectures.

"You knew he had a kid."
"You need to change the way YOU think."
"It's not the kid's fault."
"You can't live in the past." BTW, I'm being FORCED to live in his past because his past kid with someone else lives with me! I'm reminded of his fkd up past every single day so don't tell me to forget his past!!
On and on...

Yeah, those words of advice can be true all they want, but it does NOT help to be lectured! I was sad and devastated for years.

I also thought it how much easier would it be for DH to see my ex on my password than for me to have to deal with his past LIVING in my life every day?! Seems so much more extreme.

DH & I did have our own (2 yr old now) and I'm here to tell you, the whole experience was not old news for DH and we both experienced it as if it was both our first.

Take it from me, you can keep your head up. Things will get better! You will get more used to the idea of this kid from another woman. The kid will get used to you being around. DH...well, DH's are hard to teach

TIME. Time will help. It's a matter of hanging in there and coming here to VENT!

P.S. Therapy did NOT help me one bit. We tried several different counselors and they all made me feel worse! The only thing that helps me is time and I've learned to tell myself I DON'T CARE.

I didn't deal with jealousy issues with DH. However, the first two years of marriage were very rough and I nearly left him.

He would react to me as though I was Uberskank (BM). We would be in the middle of a discussion or argument and he would suddenly go nuts on me and lose his temper. Because of how he THOUGHT I was going to react or what he THOUGHT I was going to say.

Which was completely different from my words and actions.

Six months of marriage counseling later, he was better but he still does it.

Sidney, I'd love to hear some of the "tricks up your sleeve."

Not only does mine have 2 kids with BM, he refused to procreate with me - hows that for a full slap in the face??

Sure, BM was good enough to have 2 children with but I am not good enough to have one with - perhaps that isn't how he intends it to be but that is how it feels, he says we are too old, we already have 4 (um no, I have 2 and always thought i would have 3 children, DH has 2 - WE do not have 4) and when I say I always wanted 3 and DH says well now you have 4 I want to choke him. SLAP

To make it worse DH will sometimes say, I wish we'd met 10 years earlier then we could have had 2 children together. SLAP

Or, what if the baby turns out like SS? (so just in case a new baby is as unmanageable as his last creation I am penalized) SLAP

Or, I didn't want to have anymore children with BM but she tricked me. (so she got another baby from him but I refuse to have one on purpose without agreement so I am again penalized) SLAP

idk - to me it seems the slaps just keep coming - a constant reminder that BM got everything she wanted with MY HUSBAND and that is used as an excuse to deny me things I wanted with him.

oh- and those are just the baby SLAPS...

You're brave. Court & step-issues are not for the faint of heart! Only the tough can survive it.

Been doing the step thing for 9.5 years. GOt together with DH when I was 19 and he had two kids already.
It's hard, being a stepmom. Don't expect to just get over your jealousy. Although it sucks, it gets easier as the kids grow and the need to speak with the BM becomes fewer and further between.
I had all the same feelings about having a baby with DH. I was angry with him before it even happened and he had a chance to prove me wrong.
However - good news here (at least in my case) DH absolutely wowed me. He went to every ultrasound and ahhhed and ooohed. He cut the umbilical cord. He tells me everyday how much he loves our daughter. We are building a life with our baby. My steps are now 18 and 15 so we don't see them nearly as much as we used to. I know of course that he still loves his kids and this actually gives me comfort because if we were ever to divorce I know how he would treat my daughter evidenced by how he treats the others. No worries there!

There will always be hardships and sacrifice as a step. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you knew what you were gettin yourself into because anyone that says that is NOT a stepmom nor ever has been, or they wouldn't be saying it. Keep in touch with fellow steps it helps.

Good luck!!