Different Rules at Different Homes
I am both a BM (S13, S2) and soon to be SM (SS7). In my home, I want all three boys to abide by the same rules. BS13 is a straight a student, no discipline problems, a really good kid. BS2 is your typical 2 year old, head stong, wide open all the time. My soon to be SS7 is in general a good kid. However, BM allows him to do whatever he wants and talk to her however he wants. He also lies ALOT. If he does something he knows we do not allow him to do and we catch him, he blames my 2 year old. He will even say that BS2 bites, hits him when he does not just to get him in trouble. He will not say "sir" or "mam", its "yeah", "no", "what" and he doesn't ask, he tells you what he wants. Not "can I have a drink", he says "get me a drink".
I do not allow my BS's to run or throw things in the house. I also do not allow BS13 to play video games unless it is raining and he cannot go outside, or it is at night for no more than 1 hour. BM allows SS7 to play video games from the minute he gets up until the minute he goes to bed. He runs in the house and throws things. I am trying to teach my 2 year old not to do these things and yet, I have a 7 year old that is showing him just the opposite of what I am trying to teach him. It makes me crazy.
Last weekend, we were outside, it was beautiful and 68 degrees. SS7 told his dad that he was going in to the bathroom, 30 minutes later I went looking for him. He was piled up in the bedroom playing video games. I unhooked everything and refused to allow him to play for the rest of the weekend.
He constantly is sneaking around doing things that we have repeatedly told him not to do because BM allows it. We are constantly correcting him and they way he talks to people. I get so embarrassed when we have our friends over and SS7 says "what" to them instead of "mam" or "sir". He also constantly interrupts conversations that adults are having because he wants to be part of the adult conversation. My BS13 was taught better that that and I refuse to allow my SS to be rude at my home. I am at the end of my rope.
How do you get a child with no discipline and free run of the house at home to do a 180 when he is at MY home?
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Comments
why are you doing the
why are you doing the unplugging and the discipline. that is problem no. 1. that is his dad's job.
Dad was in the yard with our
Dad was in the yard with our two year old getting the boat ready. I ran in to make sure that he was OK (it had been almost 30 minutes) and their he is piled up in front of the video game ahile we are outside getting the boat ready so that dad can take HIM fishing!
He is with us every other
He is with us every other weekend. I have started completely ignoring him when he says "yes", "no" or "what". If he does not ask, I ignore him. It just gets so frustrating because my BS2 adores him and does everything that SS7 does.
He knows the rules are
He knows the rules are different and he knows what they are....he is making you think that he is confused or doesn't get why he can't at your house but can at BMs. HE KNOWS! He remembers just fine but continues becuz he is not punished in a way that will make him stop his behavior. Which, as a EOW SM is very hard to do.
This is what we do...
Break the rules once, no tv
Break 2x, no electronics
Break 3x, nothing in room but books and furniture
Break 4x, door removed from room
We do the punishment for a long period of time since it is just EOW. For example depending on the rule broken we may say this punishment last for one month (2 wknds). It has worked for us, but SD did test us. She went without ALL items for 1 1/2 months. Since she got everything back she has not broken one rule (been good for the last 3 months).
Thanks for the insight. It
Thanks for the insight. It makes me crazy trying to get him to understand that EVERYTHING he does/says my 2 year old thinks that he can do/say. I think that we need to seriously consider the punishment for his actions.
I understand, my older BS is
I understand, my older BS is just 3 yrs but it is possible.
Set the rules,inforce them
Set the rules,inforce them consistently and hold all the kids accountable for compliance.
Apply appropriate discipline (age appropriate) when they fail to comply.
Sentences worked for my SS when he was that age (7-13). Thousands and thousands of sentences, all neatly written within a time frame. This prevents day dreaming and sets the expectation for appropriate behavior even during punishment.
We would not give him numbers of sentences to write, we would give him a duration of punishement that he had to serve. We figured out how many he could reasonably write in an hour, added about 20%. If he failed to make the quota or the assignement was not written neatly he repeated time.
"I will say Yes/No Maam, Yes/No Sir when addressing an adult."
Keeps the kid brain focused on the infraction and a stretch goal does not allow the kid to day dream.
My SS wrote thousands of sentences over the years and has some of the most beautiful hand writing I have ever seen from a teen boy.
Give it at try.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
I will try anything at this
I will try anything at this point!!