What fresh new hell is this?!
12 yr old SD has had a history of telling lies. Ex. Accused her dad of physical and sexual abuse, pulling her teeth with pliers, making her wear the same underwear for 7 days straight, locking her in closet. BM took father back to court with these allegations. Judge seen right through the lies and ordered family counseling which is where SD admitted to the lies and about a years worth of sessions finally improved her behavior. Fast forward 3 years and things have taken a darker turn her behavior is worse. SD slapped her SB while visiting our neighbors. Neighbor girl said nothing was done to provoke her violent outburst. SD was asked why she did that and her response was she didnt know why. No one in our household is allowed to raise a hand to anyone. Now her target of aggression has been our cat, our 2yr old and 1yr old daughters. She's been caught abusing the cat 3 different occasions. The first time she took our cat into her room and shut the door, the cat was heard crying out in pain and when her SB knocked on the door she took a while to open but when she did the cat bolted out of her room. I only found out about the injury after I picked our cat up to cuddle and he let out a pained meow when I touched his back. The last time she hurt the cat I was the one who caught her in the act. He was laying in the dinning room and she was pressing her foot down on his head! It's heartbreaking cause our cat is the most chill and sweet natured cat I've ever met, he has never hurt anyone. Now I'm at my breaking point with what she's done and tried to do with her Half-sisters. While I was preparing lunch for all the kids SD was in the livingroom along with SB and her 2 half sisters SD ripped toys out of her 1 yr old HS hands causing her to lose balance and hit her head on hard surface, not once but 3 times in the half hour it took me to get lunch made and plated. Nd finally the scariest thing I witnessed her do involved our above ground swimming pool it's no deeper than 3 feet but you guys know any 2yr old can easily drown if not attended. All the kids and I were going to swim SD, and was the first into the pool I asked her SB to hold my 1 yr old while I moved the garden hose and my 2 yr old was begging to go in the pool with SD. I asked SD if she would hold HS until I can get in the pool, she said yes enthusiastically (my greatest regret was trusting her for those 5 minutes) in the short time that it took me to move the hose I heard my 2yr old gasping and crying out with a mouthful of water I rushed over and as I was coming up to the pool I looked at SD to see why she wasn't grabbing and helping her. The expression on her face still haunts me...she was grinning ear to ear! With her hands on her hips just staring at my 2yr old struggling. After I grabbed my girl I asked SD why weren't you helping her, she said I thought I put her down sorry. I also asked her why were you smiling and her response was I dont know! Please any advice is needed and appreciated
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Comments
First thing is that you tell
First thing is that you tell her father that he can see her outside of the home and she will not be allowed inside anymore. You have to protect the little ones and your cat.
You can not sacrifice the family at the altar of a skid. Especially a violent one. My OSS choked my OBD when they were 13ish. My ex called the cops on him, and there was a conversation between OSS and cop. I finally got thru DH that we needed to protect the other 6 kids from his actions and he was given the option to either follow our rules and keep his hands off or he would not be allowed over anymore. Flash forward 11 years and OSS is still whining about being "thrown out by his father". Whatever, I will never forget that evening when OSS left our house for the last time. There was a calmness and change in the energy at the dinner table that night. It didn't last long, BM started in with the next two skids, but getting rid of the BAD SEED will do wonders for your home.
Its too bad that her father will have to deal with this inconvience but its cheaper than a funeral.
Don't leave SD alone with
Don't leave SD alone with animals or siblings. I understand it's hard to get her out of the house, especially if DH isn't onboard. Although I would personally, as others mentioned, make sure she doesn't come over anymore - you have to at least not allow her alone with them. SD6 isn't allowed alone with my 11 month old simply because she's very jealous and I don't trust her because of it.
There is something seriously
There is something seriously wrong with your SD. What is the custody arrangement? I would not be willing to have this girl under my roof, abusing my cat and my children. If her father is the NCP, I'd tell him he needs to see her outside of the home. If he has significant parenting time that he wants to keep, he needs to move out. The cat should not have been abused 3 times. There should not have been multiple incidents with your children. This girl cannot be left alone with defenseless children and animals. Her parents need to get her help ASAP, but in the meantime you need to protect your kids and your cat by keeping her far, far away.
Response to ncd
He is NCP, he gets her every other week for 5 days. I've asked him to stay with his parents during his visits and he is not happy about this. I feel like both DH and his parents dont see her behavior as something severe. I've had to threaten divorce because he has been dragging his feet on talking to SD's BM about getting her help.
I think he should change his
I think he should change his visitation to every other weekend and dinner on wed. nights. They can do dinner just the 2 of them and the weekends at his parents. That is less time DH is away from you but still sees his daughter regularly. I would maintain a schedule like this until she is in counseling and you have been able to talk to the counselor and you ALL agree it is safe for her to be around your bios and animals.
There is something wrong with SD
No talking is going to do anything !! This kid needs perfessional help !!! You should not let this kid in your home at this time. Until you get some answers from a perfessional. As you see on the news. A lot of these kids can not be helped. The kids who shot up schools. Everybody knew there was something wrong with them but had there head in the sand about it. Remember that
If DH won't see her outside of the home,
you need to move out. As evidenced by everything that has happened, it will be very difficult for you to make sure she is never alone with both kids and cat. She has done things that could have been fatal. If your DH won't protect your kids, it is up to you to do it.
If he doesn't think his daughter is capable of doing real harm, have him watch the 1956 version of the move "The Bad Seed." It is chilling.
For me, this wouldn't even be
For me, this wouldn't even be a conversation because there would be no negotiating. I don't have children, but if anyone ever harms my cat they will wish they hadn't and they will never be allowed in my home again.
I had to come back and re
I had to come back and re-read this because it was weighing on me. You need to protect your kids. 12 is MORE than old enough to know a 2 year old gagging on water in a pool is an incredibly scary, dangerous situation. A normal 12 year old would panic and yell for help. She sat there GRINNING about it. Your. child. could. have. died. I don't know how to stress this anymore... YOUR CHILD COULD HAVE DIED and she would have GRINNED about it. Get out of there if you need to. Divorce if DH doesn't get it. Protect your kids. You will forever HATE this child if your kids are seriously injured/lost because of her actions.
I'm thankful im not alone on
I'm thankful im not alone on thinking she's dangerous. Im so glad those of you who have given advice have the same point of view on this. My DH and his mother have been treating me like I'm over reacting! After the pool incident happened DH told his mother about it and instead of scolding SD she invites her to go on a shopping trip and nail spa day! I'm glad she got her out of the house away from my girls and cat but to ignore the fact that HER 2 yr old grand daughters near drowning at the hands of her 12 yr old grand daughter? I feel she doesn't care for my toddlers as much as she cares for SD
Is the 12 year old the first
Is the 12 year old the first grandchild or something? My SD is my husband's moms favourite of all the grandkids and she's openly admitted it. It's because she was the first. It's screwed up but I feel like she'd act similarly in this situation.
Yes she is first grandchild.
Yes she is first grandchild. There are only 4 grandkids SD, 9 yr old niece, and my toddlers. This is sad to say but our 9 yr old niece is more responsible and loving to the toddlers than SD. Before Our girls were born I always wondered why niece didnt always get along with SD and kept her distance from her at times, but now I'm seeing why.
She sounds like a potential
She sounds like a potential serial killer in the making. They start by hurting animals and it only escalates. I would not want her around the other kids. She needs help ASAP. Hope your H knows just how serious this is. Please get her the assistance she needs & deserves and keep her away until things change. I genuinely fear for the safety of all animals and kids that may be around her.
You are not over-reacting! That little girl is lucky I would have wanted to yank her by the hair and see how she likes to be stepped on the head.....