So, I'm looking to get some input from step and bio parents who have had to deal with teens lying about stuff. But first, here's where FDH and I are:

SD has a long history of lying to both myself and FDH. We decided in November to give her a mostly clean slate as far as lying goes; we told her that she was going to get more freedom than someone who had lied to the extent that she had would normally get from us (because we wanted to show her that we wouldn't let our interactions be completely colored by past mistakes), but that it was up to her to prove that she was deserved of that freedom. FDH is extremely disappointed and pretty pissed still about SD lying to him this past month (which might be fueled by the fact that it was this time last year that he found out SD had been lying to him for a month about being enrolled in school and that this is the second time that SD has lied to him about doing her schoolwork at GUBM's). I'm not thrilled with SD either because we have had a couple conversations with her over the past two visits about lying. She appeared to be pretty apologetic about it and even had told me that she doesn't like not being trusted, understands that it is her own actions and behaviors that ever led to us not trusting her, and that she's going to work hard to do better in the future and prove that we can trust her. So, I'm pretty disappointed in the fact that the first opportunity she got to prove herself, she up and lied again.

FDH and I were brainstorming last night about how we can get it across to SD that lying will not be tolerated. My idea was that we could give SD the chance to avoid a consequence for lying by asking her to fess up to lying. The incentive would be that she would only face one consequence if she fessed up. FDH feels that it's best to just address the lying directly with a consequence as it's the second offense. He also feels she is just going to defend her lie from here until the end of time, so, he doesn't think it's worthwhile giving her a chance to come clean.

He's planning on having a talk with her, explaining the reprecussions of lying (aside from the consequence), and then he's going to give her a consequence for lying - he's thinking about taking away her access to her DeviantArt account, YouTube, personal laptop, Xbox, and Pandora for at least a week. Basically, he would take away all the 'fun things' that she would rather do/play with than do schoolwork - and there's the added benefit that many of these things distract her from her work even when she's doing it so she might get more done and catch up quickly. It's going to be a little bit tricky because he isn't sure how "locked down" her school laptop is and her cellphone is a smart phone, but, he's going to look into ways to lock that down as much as possible. This is his initial idea but we're not married to it and are still considering the possibilities. Either way, the consequence for lying will be on top of SD having to work on her schoolwork daily (7 days a week) rather than just Monday-Friday.

This was the agreement we made with her after the disaster that was December (when SD didn't do any schoolwork when she was at GUBM's and had fallen behind in every subject - she lied about it then, too, which resulted in a talk about the importance of honesty and telling SD that if she does that again she's going to face a consequence); anytime she fails to do her schoolwork at GUBM's and falls behind, she's to spend 7 days a week working on school at our house so she can catch up to where she should be. He's also hoping that the consequence of a potential expulsion if she slacks off again will be enough to light a fire under her ass both here and at GUBM's (he said she had texted him over the weekend to let him know she finally submitted this English assignment she's been sitting on since the beginning of January in order to avoid a note in her school file, so here's hoping she starts taking this seriously).

FDH is also going to remind her of the previous conversation we had in January and then explain to her that if she had been honest this time around rather than lying again, she would only have the one consequence - seven days a week working on school until she catches up- to deal with. But, her choice to lie got her the extra heaping. Our hope here is to make sure that she understands that lying is not desirable because it means getting into worse trouble than being honest about doing something wrong.

The only problem I forsee is the length of time between the action and doling out the consequence. We knew that having SD 50/50 would lead to some difficulties, especially with improving certain undesirable behaviors, but, at least we have more time to make an impact on her than we did when FDH had her EOWE or only a few weeks a year. Sadly, though, we can't always address these things as quickly as we would like. Last month, FDH had the benefit of finding out SD didn't do any school work during December the day before her visit, but, this time, it's going to be at least another week before she is back here so I think we're going to deal with the "I have no idea what you're talking about!" looks from SD.

I am curious though, how do YOU handle lying with your teens? I've read so many different articles about this ever since SD started her less than stellar habit back in 2012, but, I want some real-life input from people who have been there and done that! We're still in the brainstorming phase on deciding her consequence for lying, so, what sorts of consequences did you use? Did you find one worked better than another? Thanks