GUBM has yet to confirm in writing for SO that she will bring SD to the airport on the 14th. The extent of the effort she exerted for this visit has been to find out the information for the flight so her precious not-so-little ass wouldn't have to drive out to the halfway point between Scumbag Land and PGH. That's it. When SO asked her to book the flight, she waited for a week until she told him that she had no credit card and couldn't book the flight. When SO finally booked the flight, the extent of her conversing with him was limited to "It has to go through the Philly airport" and that's it. Not even so much as a "OK, I'll have her at the airport in time for her flight on June 14th." And I know why. It's so that he can't legitimately be mad at her when she lets the bottom drop out, like she usually does. I'm not saying it is guaranteed, but, if she were to "accidentally" miss the window of getting SD to the airport on time on the 14th, SO can't technically hold her accountable since she never once texted him "Yes, I'll get her to the airport on the 14th." He will try, and she will just say "Well, I never agreed to that. You shouldn't expect someone to do something if they don't agree to what you want." That sentiment, not in that exact phrasing, has spewed forth from her food flaps on more than one occasion, usually revolving around SO having SD and always revolving around GUBM being held accountable for her end of anything.

SO's got to stop thinking she's imbecilic, because while she's dumb, she's not so dumb that she can't function. She is calculating and manipulative. If she weren't, there's no way she would have been able to weasel an 8 month rent-free stay in SO's townhouse for herself and all of her loser junkie friends when she kicked SO out. There's no way she would have convinced SO that it was best for him to live in the basement of the townhouse while she and her posse of losers whooped it up in the livable spaces for the sake of SD. There's no way he would have done half of the things he has for her if she were so stupid that she couldn't connive and manipulate others.

She has no personal bank account. We thought she did, but, she doesn't. She keeps taking the CS checks to random PNC banks in order to cash them for free, or else, she signs them over to friends and family members for cashing. PNC charges a fee for non-account holders cashing checks at their banks. Of course, they'll also usually waive the fee the first time out of a courtesy, usually plying the prospective customer with offers of free-checking accounts. Every time she personally cashes a CS check at a PNC? It is a different branch. She's not an imbecile. She's manipulative and calculating. She knows how to avoid as much of a paper trail as possible. If she had a bank account, she'd have some sort of record to be able to show courts that she has any sort of money to her name. Without a bank account, SO can't make her prove that she has money beyond CS.

The other day, SO wanted to talk to SD about the things she would need to know for her flight and what to pack for her visit. He sent her a text and, when she finally got back to him, we were just sitting down to eat so he asked her if he could call her back in a little bit. Of course, by the time he got back to her (which was realistically 30 minutes later at most), she was being dragged out by GUBM to go help a friend of GUBM's move. At 8 o'clock at night. On a school night. SD had the news of this activity thrust on her last minute and SO said she didn't sound thrilled by the idea when she told him. She was going to sit home by herself while her mom went off to pretend like she i s a decent human being, until GUBM found out that she was going to possibly talk to SO about anything. GUBM isn't an imbecile. She knows that SD is uncomfortable as f*ck talking to SO in front of her because she makes it impossible for her to be comfortable doing so. GUBM always chirps in her ear about this, that, or the other thing, influencing the conversation. Understandably, this annoys SD. It also annoys her when GUBM has snarky ass comments to make about SO when she is on the phone with him. After all, it is her father and all her mother is doing is making her feel uncomfortable by wanting to talk to him or have anything to do with him.

I let SO unload some of this on me the other day and I told him that, unfortunately, he can't change the past. He can sit and dwell on it all he wants, thinking about how he should have kicked GUBM out and tried to raise SD on his own. But, that won't do him any good because that kind of dwelling can only frustrate a person. There isn't anything that he can do about the past. I know this because of my own personal experiences and how often I dwell on stuff, and how often I wish I did or said something differently at any given moment once I realize a choice I made was maybe not the best possible choice. I told him I understand his frustration with the situation, but, that the only one who can fix it from here on out is him. I told him it is time for him to make the decision about how much frustration and stress he is willing to inflict on himself, and myself and our family (including SD) by proxy, and how much he is willing to put up with. I told SO that it really sucks, but, I think that he has come to the realization that his fantasy about how things would be between him and his daughter is not living up to the reality of the situation. It sucks, and it hurts, to be sure. I told him that until GUBM gets her head out of her backside and realizes how much she is hurting SD with all of her crap, he may benefit from not holding her up to higher standards and expectations; he can hope that she'll act in SD's best interest, but, he can't expect her to do so anymore as her track record has clearly proven otherwise. Basically, yes, GUBM is dumb, but, she's not nearly as dumb as he would like her to be.