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Feeling ashamed of myself

Ashamed's picture

Submitted by Ashamed on Mon, 08/10/2015 - 5:32am

Hey guys im kimmy , im in a relationship with a wonderful man we never fight theres only one problem ... His ex who he has a 4year old son with is in our lives too much texting my man daily etc ,she also has a baby by another man this happened after she and my hubby split
I just cant stand her , she drinks and uses drugs daily daily shipping her kids off to her mother , my mum in law or us ! Ive tried to get along with her but eversince she heard about us being serious and that we might get married this year ,she started to change and doing weird things in hope he would save her , for example having sex with his friends , and stayng away for weeks without seeing her kids
I dont have kids yet im afraid to have em as my mum in law told me his ex said she would feel angry if we have a new baby she claims her son wont be number 1 which isnt true ofcourse, so thanks to that im not in a hurry
He sees his son twice a week , but even that now is too much for me l everyday i hear negative things about her sometimes i feel so bad for the kid but sometimes id just wish i didnt have em in my life i know i sound awful but im just expressing how i feel in this situation , im afraid i cant see him as my child all i see when i look at him is his mothers face and ways , which i know is harsh as hes only a child
How do i get through this guys Sad i love my guy and someday i want a family of my own but idk what to do
I accept his son but i dont like hiim Sad i feel like an awful person most of the time dealing with these feelings
I know what ur gonna say , why date him if you knew he had a kid . Because ive never been in a situation like this before in my life and its all new to me , im happy with my hubby , but i could never love his son as my own
I need some advise on how to handle this thanks guys:(

Comments

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Mon, 08/10/2015 - 8:48am

You have to hear about BM everyday? That's a lot. Why is she the #1 topic of conversation? You ask how to get through this; where exactly do you think the end of the tunnel is? It will be 14 more years until the kid is an adult. The kid AND BM will ALWAYS be a part of your guys life. If you have a kid with your bf then YOU will always be attached in some way to the 4 year old through his half sibling. There is no getting through it. Ya either jump head first into the drama, deal and accept or find a relationship that has less baggage. Perhaps find someone with a dog instead of a kid.

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Mon, 08/10/2015 - 10:58am

You're not married yet so please think this through with your mind and not your heart. You really are in for a non-stop roller coaster ride if you go through with this. Most importantly, if you honestly can't deal with the 4 year old, please do right by him and get out now. There's nothing wrong with admitting how you feel but truly you need to think about yourself and any innocent parties involved...including future children that would be brought into this.