New to step parenting & struggling
I don’t know if I accept my partners situation with the child that isn’t biologically his.
He has 2 biological children from his first relationship and a 3rd child from his last relationship however this child isn’t biologically he’s. He met his ex when the child was one year old she started to call him “Daddy” and this was never corrected. They split up about a year ago and then me and my partner started dating then eventually I met the kids. I know this sounds horrible but I instantly felt something for his eldest 2 the biological children - I can’t seem to take to the youngest I just don’t agree with the situation at all. I feel it is wrong for this child to be brought up thinking this is her dad and her family when it isn’t. Her real dad wasn’t on the scene but has recently been asking to see her but her Mum won’t let him I just don’t want to be a part of this situation at all but I love my partner so much I am trying my best to accept it. I obviously don’t make my feelings known I hide it best I can - but it’s driving me mad keeping this to myself. Please be kind but any advice would be appreciated.
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How old is the child? If she
How old is the child? If she's known him as Dad since she was 1, it seems right for him to continue to have a relationship with her (though not to pay support for her).
The mother should of course encourage a relationship with the bio dad too.
Just turned 6 - I can
Just turned 6 - I can understand wanting to continue a relationship just don’t think it’s right thinking it’s her Dad and it’s not whilst bio Dad is being refused contact. There are no legal rights he didn’t adopt her when they were in a relationship so no leg to stand on if things turn sour.
I would agree that it's not
I would agree that it's not right for her to not know the truth and be denied her bio father. And if your SO is a party to that, I'd have a hard time keeping up that facade with him.
I agree with tog. OP, trust
I agree with tog. OP, trust your instinct, this is not right and you should not feel "bad" about feeling the situation is not right - its not. And, I would be having 2nd thoughts about a partner that did.
I think in the back of your
I think in the back of your head you’re trying to eliminate a stressor even if you don’t realize it. Getting rid of the non bio step would also get rid of the BM and all the drama that comes with them both and leaves you with just the first to deal with. Your dh raised and put in the effort of that little girl so he should get to have the loving relationship with her that he worked for regardless of the biodad coming or going. But to be honest, it won’t be forever. Eventually the 2nd BM will find someone else she wants to play dad to her child (like she did with your Dh which really screws things up like it has now) and instead of having to split the kid three ways (mom, ex stepdad, bio dad) she will cut ex stepdad out of the picture without you having to be the bad guy about it. I would just let it go for now. The real dad will eventually get some form of visits. The kid is 6 and will start asking and acting out to see her real dad soon enough.