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It must suck...

antidrama's picture

Submitted by antidrama on Mon, 08/23/2010 - 9:55am

It must suck to know that your mom is a horrible person. That is what my SD is finding out more and more every day. We talked to her about the very hurtful things that BM has started telling DH that are supposedly coming from SD. Turns out...none of it was true. SD was standing there when BM said one of the things and told her afterward that she shouldn't have lied and twisted her words around like that. We informed her of the other things that had been said and she just looked stunned and confused and said "WHERE DID THAT COME FROM??? I NEEEEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT". I felt really sorry for her (even though it was me that was being "attacked" in these little stories BM was telling).
We told her that if she ever has a problem with the way either of us are doing things/treating that she could ALWAYS come to us about it. I said "if we don't know there is a problem, we dont know to fix it". I think she was shocked that we actually took the time to ask her side of the story. Her mom never does that. I was very proud of both my DH and SD as to how they handled it. I was totaly expecting her to get defensive and sob and then mumble whatever it was that she thought we wanted to hear. But she didn't!!!! She was very mature about it (tear).
We've been trying to teach her that it's ok to have her own opinion and to stick to it. Not say "just kidding" or change her mind when somene puts pressure on her or has different opinion. She seemed to understand. We are pretty sure that if any of the stuff BM said came from her it was totally twisted out of context or SD just conceeded to get her off her back and leave her alone.

Question to all of you out there? BM dangles SD in front of DH as a pawn to get her way (we don't have a CO). He'll never admit it but she has him wrapped around her finger. How do I approach that with him without pissing him off? He has the male ego thing going on when I try to discuss it.

Comments

wriggsy's picture

Submitted by wriggsy on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 10:06am

That's all good and fine, but what does one do when the SD lies just as much as the BM? They will both sell eachother out if anyone tries to call them out on the lie, too...so we NEVER knows who to believe. I mean, DH and I both know that BM is a complete psyco--violent, hateful and spiteful. So, when SD tells us that mom got so mad at her that she pulled over to the side of the road and told the (then 7 or 8 year old) to get out of the car. (just one of many lovely little gems that we have been told). One of the biggest/newest nuggets was that BM and her soon to be most current ex-husband were "swingers" and had sex toys laying all over the house. Sadly...DH drops his nuts somewhere along the way, and has never confronted exW about anything SD says. But, because I have been on the receiving end of some of the doozies that SD has said, I have trouble believing really anything she says. If SD tells me the sky is blue and the grass is green....I have to go check for myself!!!

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Thu, 08/26/2010 - 10:53am

I have the same problem of not knowing to believe BM (who has lied, even to the judge) or SD.

We got a medical bill about a year and a half ago that included STD tests and birth control for SD who was 15 at the time. SD says BM is crazy and figures that I am having sex because BF and I are seeing each other.

So be it, because BM IS nuts and we had never had SD lie to us that we knew about so we took her side.

Well, turns out a few months later, at 16, SD gets pregnant. So I guess BM knew what she was talking about THAT time!

SS sees through his BMs B.S. but looks like SD is deciding to follow in BMs footsteps! I feel very badly about that.