Some things for stepkids to think about regarding
The word "respect" and including people in the family:
1. Treating someone with respect doesn't mean you like or even care about them. It doesnt mean you're a submissive, doormat of a person. It means you care enough about yourself to do the right thing, and that you know that people learn how you want to be treated by how you treat others.
2. Nobody loves every member of their family. Heck, lots of people don't even like others in their family. Uncle John might tell awful jokes. Aunt Sue might eat with her mouth wide open. Uncle Randy might have a drinking problem. For the sake of argument, let's say all these people married biological relatives of yours. But you show them the same level of respect that you give to the relatives you do love by including them, not making digs at them, talking with them politely, and not asking their spouses to leave them at home if it's a family event going on. If they answer when you call to talk to your blood relatives, you make pleasant chit chat with them for a few minutes before asking to speak to your biological relative. You can and should apply these same techniques with your stepparents. Again, doing so isn't a sign of weakness. It shows others that you're maturing as a person and love your biological relatives more than you hate their spouses.
3. If you have a problem with your stepparent, talk with said stepparent. Even if they think your problem is stupid or don't agree, they'll still have some respect for you for talking about it with them instead of discussing it with others.
4. If you feel like you need help with it all, or support on anything, talk to your parents. Good, loving parents will move mountains to help their kids of any age. My parents will always be there for me for love and support. If you're 18+, find a counselor.
5. If you have questions about the love someone has for their spouse versus the love a person has for their children, ask your parents about it. I think I speak for a lot of parents when I say that both bonds are equally powerful in terms of the love one feels, but can and should be shown very differently.
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Comments
Well put. Society as a whole
Well put. Society as a whole lacks respect for other people.
I agree. They think it does.
I agree. They think it does. And that's where Dad and the other adults raising them have to step up, redirect their anger at the right people and teach them healthy ways to vent and cope. As for adult SKs though, hopefully they'll realize they have problems and need therapy on their own.
Ugh. My husband has a son in
Ugh. My husband has a son in his 20s ( notice I do not call him my step son) I do not call him my SS because when I came into the family the boy is already a grown man. Most people are set in their ways when they are in their 20s and they are not going to call someone their step mom if the step mom came into the family when the kids are in their 20s.
He and his new wife kept calling the ex-wife the Mother inlaw and I considered it as a disrespect to me and confusing the SD who were younger and their own young kids to who is the one that is married to the dad. Calling the other stepmother now "ex stepmother" the Mother inlaw was immorral and the wife of this son had guts to tell me I have "NOT EARN" their respect to be part of the family.
Excuse me? but you do not talk to your elders like that and I was married into this family before she was. You wanna talk about respect? do not make me puke!
I pretty much disown this part of the family. I do not care how much my husband talks to them. They are nothing but a piece shit at the end of teh stick in my book.