Anti-BM
Very confused, new to this (BM drama, custody cases, etc), dating single dad. I've read through many threads here and concluded that we all share the same frustration...THE CRAZY PATHOLOGICAL LYING MANIPULATIVE EX BM/EX!!!
I'll keep it short and simple for you all. I'm 27, never been married, no kids, baggage free. He's 31, lived with ex/BM for 4 years, has a 4 year old son. We've been dating since January and so far so good. Couldn't ask for more.
However, when we met, I was under the impression that him and his ex had ended things a while back. Turns out, he had moved out just a month before we met. According to him, they had been "co-habitating", dating other people, but not together for about a year. He says he was trying to make things work for the sake of his son, but ended up realizing the fights and arguing was doing more harm than good to him anyway.
A few months back, I (and I know I shoudln't have) checked both of his email accounts to check on any communication being exchanged b/w him and his ex. It was there that I began to have my doubts about the whole situation. He says they were "apart", but the emails indicated otherwise. Topics included making plans to go out, trips, etc. When I confronted him, he said I was reading to much into things, and that they were not together.
Since him moving out of the house, his son has been living with him. The arrangement originally was for her to pick him up at school and drop him off at his house in the afternoon. However, that has changed. A few months ago, she stopped picking him up and doesnt even pick him up on the weekends to see her son. While I find this very odd and even ruthless, I do not feel I can judge.
Meanwhile, they continuosly exchange angry, hateful text messages all day and night. It is not only annoying but very childish. Not only is this happening all day at work (we work together), but also during dinner time, when we're out, etc. It even goes to the point of angry phone calls, constant arguing...point is...it never STOPS. I've had it with the daily bickering!!!
Two weeks ago, he filed for custody of his son. all I would like to know is...after the trial is said and done...will this still continue??!?....will the text messaging and arguing cease???
It is the only topic we ever argue about...and its very irritating, since it is out of my control to stop it.
HELP!!!
THANKS!!
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Comments
Ummmmm, no
A custody fight is very long, nasty and expensive. It brings up hard feelings on all sides and if you are involved in his son's life then you may get called up as a witness. Mud will get thrown; names will be called at everyone involved and no one will ever really be the same.
Most family law practicioners advise that people don't date during a custody fight. That is your choice though. Sort of like riding a run away train...
Kevin
I would HOPE
That the texts and calls would SLOW tremendously. It did for us at least. It was CONTANT fighting for the first several months. But 3+ years later, she now just goes through phases.
Any particular reason why she doesn't see the child anymore? If she is CHOOSING not to see him, what is there to fight about?
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
Hi. I just don't want to give you false hope....
My DH and I dated during a their custody battle and I never went to court dates, mediation, etc. Mostly because it would have infuriated his ex. I WAS however at one point the go between the two of them, the voice of reason if you will. It was an absolute nightmare. Fast forward to the present....the same old sad story with me now having to see a therapist to deal with my stress level. It doesn't get better - at least not anytime soon. We all still constantly fight over the smallest of things. Haircuts. School shoes. Labor Day. More money. Daycare Providers. Schools. Boyfriends. And on and on and on. We've been married for two years, together three and until she's willing to stop being everything she is - nothing has or will change. I've learned that I need to accept the things I can not change and move forward. If I only would have known then what I know now. Sorry, to be a downer but it is just my standpoint on it.
OH DON'T GET ME WRONG
The fights are still there... over the EXACT same things Colorado Girl mentioned... (almost strange how exact).... they just don't have the CONSTANT texting and calling anymore. Sometimes we even go a WHOLE WEEK without even hearing from her. I enjoy these times. So, NO it doesn't ever end... but in my case at least, it slowed down tremendously.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
Oh BM went on a camping trip.....
this past weekend (until last night) and my phone, my husband's cell phone - the sweet sound of silence. It was F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!!! No, I do get what you're saying. It has gotten a little better since the very beginning. It stopped from being to daily to maybe twice a week.....and then probably every three - four months some sort of friggin' crisis that she has usually created all on her own and we're trying to pick up the pieces.
Sounds about right...
We get the silence when she has a boyfriend. And right now as we all know she is dating THAT LOSER that knocked her up last year and left her AGAIN... she actually had to admit it to me today when she called to tell me that her friend was murdered yesterday. It slipped when she mentioned that she and Ryan just went out with her on Saturday and this is "all so weird" is it bad that my reaction was so FAR from sympathetic that it was actually "I told you nothing but BAD things happen when that LOSER is around" she was looking for a shoulder to cry on so she hung up on me. Turns out this FRIEND of hers that was murdered yesterday was shot by HER GIRLFRIENDS exboyfriend, right in front of their 2 year old daughter. I told DH that very well could have beem SS had they been over there visiting... this guy obviously didn't care that HIS OWN child was standing there while he pumped 12 bullets into his exwife's girlfriend. Why would he care what happened when someone else's kid was there? And this is the type of TRASH that BM's boyfriend attracts, hangs out with, brings around OUR SON.... I think it finally sunk in with DH. He is going to talk to her about SS not being around this F*cking LOSER. AWWW... that has been bugging me all day. Felt good to get it off my chest.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
I swear...our BMs are one in the same
Don't get me started on the ex-con boyfriend that finally went to prison. We'd be here all day. I just don't understand a woman who will pick a man over her own child. How desperate can a person be?!?
Hell No
It is a never ending drama. Trust me.
I still maintain...
That hate is the closest thing to love. If you hate, you care. When you stop caring, it's funny how the hate disappears. When I met DH I said that...after 10 years why do you fight with her, do you care??
When he seen what i was saying he realised he was just reacting to her venom. He doesn't care anymore and the fighting stopped years ago.
I would be concerned that he is so wrapped up in argueing with her. Just my humble opinion, all caes have different people with different problems, but if my DH was still consummed in his ex and her crap I'd have taken the train by now.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
All the Psycho EX's......
I'm very sure, that when I say this..... all of these back biting, manipulative, DO ANYTHING to get a reaction, good or bad,simply for the sake of DRAMA!, are all 1 brick shy of a load, the marbles are loose,she banged her head 1 too many times ......anymore good sayings out there? They are VERY CLEARLY MENTALLY ILL !!!There has to be someone in their lives who ALLOWS them to RUN AMUCK among us.These people (family members,husbands ect..)are co-dependent.They always bail them out of trouble,never letting them pay the consequences of their actions,so they go skipping around,expecting...NO, DEMANDING that these "loved ones" get them out of it,just one more time.....
hangingin
Things will never be
Things will never be perfect, but if you want them to be ANY better you need to get your boyfriend to quit texting. As long as you feed into it, it will continue. My husbands BM has finally given up for the most part. It will never be 100% but that is ok with me. HE finally gave her her place, and it is not straining us, and that is the amin thing, to keep yourself and the kids happy!!!
****The best exercise is walking down the aisle****