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Irritated About Valentine's Day

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 2:59pm

A few days ago, FDH asked me if I'd like to go out to dinner or if he should cook me a nice dinner for Valentine's Day. I was surprised going out was an option ($$) but said that yes, I would really prefer to go out. The next day he emails stating that he thinks we shouldn't go out because he's low on cash, has to pay for SD's doctor appointment and that he doesn't get paid until Friday. I told him that was not nice to get me all excited and then take it away. He was sorry.

Fast forward to today, I still have no idea if/what plans we have this evening. He's at BM's house now with SD all day. That alone is irritating to me that he's there, esp today. I emailed him hours ago asking what we're doing tonight and no response. I emailed again three hours later and basically said "Look, I know you're at BMs and that you're busy with work but everyone is excited talkign about Valentine's Day and I am sitting here with no plans". Still no word. His head is probably stuck up SD's ass as it usually is.

SO annoyed. How hard is this?

Comments

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:12pm

He was probably thinking I now know we're staying in. But I don't know what we're doing for dinner. And I know he's seen my emails by now. I am sure if he was working from WORK and not at BM's house that he would've gotten back to me by now. But it's like he goes into a black hole over there. He better find his way out fast or he'll be spending the holiday sleeping on his ex-wife's couch.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:07pm

I hate going out on Valentine's night as the restaurants are so crowded. The food, service, wait times are often not up to par because it is just so crazy out there.

But I am happy about tonight as it is a private dinner. It's just down the street in this beautiful old mansion and we'll have a private chef.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:10pm

We never get to go out to dinner unless I pay. I paid for our anniversary dinner. So I was really excited to be invited out, even if it is crowded.

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:13pm

That's terrible of him to do. Not only is he at his ex's home spending the day with SD, but to leave you hanging like that about tonight's plans is just rude!

buterfly_2011's picture

Submitted by buterfly_2011 on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:21pm

To not answer you is something entirely disrespecful. He is showing BM and SD that you simply don't mean shit... I know this because my DH did it to me for two years. When he would go to visit skids without me. He would not text nor call nor answer any of mine. It made SD mad. It was their time with him. EXCUSE ME? This shit isn't a contest. It's about respect and understanding. WE as SM and NEW WIVES are not the only ones who need to put on an understanding face. These damn DH's need to pull their heads out. And crawl out of the BM's ass.
I am tolerating a lot today myself. But told myself last week I would not get upset over it. It isn't worth my tears or my time. Make some plans of your own and follow them. Leave him a note. Turn off your phone and go kick up your heels. See how he likes to be ignored.......

ManagingMom's picture

Submitted by ManagingMom on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:33pm

If it were me, I wouldn't be there when he got home. I wouldn't be there until, oh, ten, ten-thirty. I wouldn't answer my phone or text messages. And when he was mad when I got home, I would say, "I made my own Valentine's Day plans...and if I ever have to make my own Valentine's Day plans again, you'll be making YOUR OWN Valentine's Day plans. You feel me?"

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:33pm

He just responded to my email. He was supposed to leave there at 4 and head home but I know he's still there. Now he's asking if he can use the house debit card (account for rent, electric etc) to take me out to a place that takes no reservations. Yah, right. Other option was for him to cook at home and we go into town later (not sure what fun there is to be had out anywhere other than restuarants on V Day).

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 3:53pm

If I wait till this weekend I will be coming home from our date to a house filled with kids who stay up all night and don't have bedtimes enforced. Then I will end up being pissy over listening to SD11 whine and cry at midnight and him give in to her. Not exactly romantic. At this point, I really don't give a crap about tonight. He's taken every bit of romance out of it.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Thu, 02/14/2013 - 4:25pm

wow, i just read a few of your past posts. you hit the nail on the head "while they continue their marriage". what are you getting out of this relationship? you're not engaged. do you really expect to be? he's already married, hon. i truly think you need to leave that house until he can emotionally detatch from bm and is truly free to begin a relationship with a woman because he's not to that point. i don't know how long they've been divorced on paper, but they still have alot of emotional attachments. he's dragging his feet on this upcoming court issues because of it. and yet, you remain... do you realize you are dragging this out by helping him so much? the only way to wake this man up is for him to try to live his life without you for awhile and decide for himself that he's going to put bm back in her box where she belongs and come to you truly free of her. let him see what his life is without you. then he needs to come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to live without you. quit "helping" him.