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What are you doing for this "holiday" ?

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 9:16am

I am debating on whether or not I should acknowledge Valentine's day.

DH and I have been distant and more like roommates who don't even like each other, but this morning he gave me a kiss and said Happy Valentine's Day.

So, maybe I should surrender my resentment and irritation today and go get a card or a little something for him? I suppose it cannot hurt.

Usually one of us grabs the skids some candy or a stuffed animal.

Do you do anything?

Comments

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:24am

TBH I think it is aweful advice. If you wany any chance of making progress back towards a healthy relationship then taking a little effort today to make a small gesture is the least you could do. Valentine's Day is not just about women reaping whatever their male partners bestow on them, men should be romanced too.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:29am

I will likely grab him a little something. I do bend over backwards for him and it would be nice if he acknowledged me today with a card or something - which I am not sure he will - so I think the posters are just helping keep me grounded in reality.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 1:13pm

This is what I would suggest. Buy a small box of heartshaped candy. If he presents you with an actual card/gift then you give it to him. If not... Eat the dang candy yourself honey!

You are pretty much telling us you have virtually no expectation he will do anything for you. You are acting like it's ok for you to constantly be the giver and he can just take.

That's not fair. Even without money, I hazard a guess that he could figure out some gift to give you even if it is one of effort.

So... buy the box of candy, but don't be the first one to pull out a gift. If he can't give you anything.... why waste it on him.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 1:37pm

He just called and told me he is making me dinner. I guess that is more effort than I expected. Now I will definitely grab a card. But I did get my nails done on my break...!

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 1:43pm

Better be a good dinner;)

But, is it a romantic dinner, or is he just doing a normal round of cooking dinner that he already does occasionally?

Personally, I think this guy doesn't deserve you. I think people should be cherished and valued. I am not sure I get that vibe from your description of the relationship.

If it's a dinner for just the two of you, that would be special for you though.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 1:47pm

It is just for us. I almost don't feel like showing up.

He knows I have been extremely unhappy. I guess that is why he is tossing in some effort.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 9:31am

I think it is a good excuse to make a little effort to do something that we know our partners will appreciate. If someone doesn't go for the whole commercialized aspect, then breakfast in bed or cuddling up with a movie and popcorn are sweet little ways to say I love you and I treasure you.

As for me, well my husband told me about a week ago that Valentine's Day is his favorite holiday so I felt I needed to do something extra nice for him. So I made waffles this morning for breakfast for him and sd and gave him his kid friendly gifts (candy and a mug). Then today I am going to finish taking some sexy photos and surprise him with them tonight, along with some fun things I got at the sex store yesterday for him. We are going to be having fun after lights out tonight!

AshMar654's picture

Submitted by AshMar654 on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 9:36am

SO sent me a text saying Happy Valentines Day. I am good with that. I am treating myself to getting two fillings in my teeth after work.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 9:39am

"I think it is a good excuse to make a little effort to do something that we know our partners will appreciate" - well said.

we used to do the nice dinner out, but for many years it's just been flowers and cards. i'm going to get dh a card and box of his favorite candy in just a minute. he's already sent me a "happy valentine's day my dear!" text.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 9:41am

We don't celebrate this unnecessary, commercial "holiday", we love each other everyday and show it.

I just got off of the phone with my DH and told him that he better not get me anything, either, not even a piece of chocolate (sometimes, he's sneaky). He said, "Don't worry, I'm not getting you jack!"
I said, "Okay, good, you better not!"

If other people heard our conversations, they would think we are one weird couple.

If you want to get your husband a card, do it. If you don't, that's okay, too.

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 1:33pm

Don't you love it when your spouse "gets" you? I just started "talking" to a new man and I texted him "Happy Birthday to Florence Henderson!" And he understood.

I don't believe in celebrating Valentine's Day. I'd rather celebrate a Tuesday or April 4th (or whatever random date) with someone I love. Not because I feel pressured by society or Hallmark to celebrate it but because I want to.

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:12am

My husband and I don't celebrate. We get each other random gifts and breakfast in bed and nice dinners occasionally throughout the year, so why make it a point to do it today? He woke me up with a cup of coffee even though he forgot it was valentines day Smile that means more to me than any forced show of affection could lol

sunshinex's picture

Submitted by sunshinex on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:26am

Oh nothing's wrong with it at all Smile

I think we're both just really laid back so we don't see the point. I think it's cute when other people go all out on valentines day, it's just not our style!

I actually ordered printed copies of photos from throughout our relationship with plans to make a scrapbook for him for valentines day, but ended up just putting the photos on the fridge yesterday out of laziness lol.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 11:01am

where some of my family lives, the town takes bets on when the town snow pile finally melts (they plow a bunch of it into this one empty lot when the snow amount is overwhelming). usually it's some time in august.

NO THANK YOU!

but it is beautiful. while prepping dh for a trip up there for my cousin's wedding, i told him "lakes and pine trees, hun, lakes and pine trees." i have other family that live on the north end of the state - it's potatoland, lol!

vermont and new hampshire are beautiful. a trip in the autumn to see the mountains and foliage and covered bridges would be lovely!

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:30am

The weather is awful. I will usually bundle and walk in the cold but the ice and wind make it very unpleasant. January and February are always extremely tough months for me, I love to be outdoors and I love to soak in the sun. I cannot wait for flip flops and tan lines.

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:41am

It is nice to focus on small, happy things. I do love Monday night TV (Vanderpump Rules! I am ashamed to admit this and if you have never seen it, good for you.) Wink

AJanie's picture

Submitted by AJanie on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:42am

I have some Vitamin D (3?) sitting on my counter. I take it but not as often as I should.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 4:26pm

My Vitamin D level was so low my doctor put me on prescription vitamin D. After a month I do feel better - more energy and improved mood.

momjeans's picture

Submitted by momjeans on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:37am

I agree. Let the thought of reciprocating anything ride for most of the day and treat yourself. Get a manicure, grab yourself some coffee or tea and a snack. Sit down with a good book. Anything. You deserve it! If anything, and I were you, I'd maybe write DH a heartfelt letter. That's maybe...

Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with this holiday. DH has always been vocal regarding how much of a non-event it is or should be in our lives, pleads with me not to think twice about gifting him anything, then more often than not he ends-up surprising me with a gift and flowers. It's kind of a bizzkill and a real asshole move, to be honest. If anything, we always make an effort to grab dinner by ourselves sans two toddlers. That's what we are doing tonight. I'm going to brave hellacious traffic and meet him downtown after he gets off work. We agreed to meet for dinner at our favorite hole-in-the-wall sushi place.

And in all honesty? ANY Valentine's Day far, far, FAR away from BM is a gift for both of us. We have endured enough drama to last a lifetime from her revolving this holiday and DH's choice to not play last minute babysitter for her.

CBCharlotte's picture

Submitted by CBCharlotte on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 10:49am

We were planning to grab dinner at the restaurant where we had our wedding rehearsal dinner, a cozy BYOB.

We were having dinner last week with our friends (a couple). The woman has to have a hip replacement surgery on vday (now today) and they had a prime 7:30pm reservations to one of the hottest restaurants in our city and asked if we wanted to take over their reservation! Lucky us!

DH knows he better not buy me flowers, jewelry, etc. NO GIFTS! All I want (and give) is a card with a heartfelt love note inside.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 11:25am

DH is going to make me dinner tonight.
He'll likely have things all romantic (which he naturally is).
He's pretty darn great.

Smile

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 12:16pm

ooo a smoked dinner - AWESOME! we love our smoker. we even smoked a turketta for thanksgiving - it came out incredibly delish.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 3:54pm

DD's birthday also trumps VD every year as her birthday is tomorrow and we go out to eat for it

Valentine's Day is in the middle of my and DH's birthdays, so we feel we celebrate enough for one month!

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Tue, 02/14/2017 - 4:29pm

Tuesday is our usualmovie night as we have an AMC Stubs card and can get in for $5.00. Our theater recently added a bar with outrageous prices. We are going to splurge on drinks while watching John Wick.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Wed, 02/15/2017 - 12:44pm

DH has taught me to adore to this holiday. Of course he is wonderful and generous and romantic all year long. I agree with Clever and Lady et al. No need to insult the holiday and its fans if you're not into it yourself.

He usually plans a fabulous dinner and possible tix to something. There may or may not be flowers/card/candy but so far there has always been jewelry.

I plan a fiesta of treats for him ranging from personal and romantic to funny and silly. He loves the adventure of it. Usually I have one main gift for him, too.

For us it is a fabulous time to reflect on our relationship and to have conversations that are focused solely on us and to just plain revel in our happiness. We enjoy being with the other couples who are dressed up and doing the same. It feels like a free pass card to indulge in the most couply behavior that tends to nauseate the uncoupled. I absolutely love the whole thing, including the various gewgaws merchants come up with to take my money. I LOVE IT! It's just plain fun, why not?! Come on in - the water's fine!!!