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What to do??????

amynicole0630's picture

Good Morning. I am up against something here and I am not sure how to handle the situation. I will start at the beginning of it. A few months ago my family changed their cellular plan as we were finding it difficult to pay the bill for all 6 cell phones. We turned off all data plans, which meant that our children had to change to un-smart phones. After a week or so of the regular cells, they both decided that they wanted data back and they would pay the extra money for the service. The youngest SD has paid hers each month with us only have to request the money once. The oldest SD hasn't paid once. She used the data plan for 2 months and racked up 50$ of other charges, before changing back to the un-smart phone. We have asked her for two months to pay this bill she still hasn't given even a dime towards. Next week I pay the bill AGAIN, and I want to shut her phone off.
I know my man wont be for this as he barely cares that she hasn't paid it. I have asked him about it and he says, "Yeah, I will talk to her about it." but hasn't mentioned it to her. I dont know what to do. just blow it off???? let her get away with not having to pay???? while the other kids have to????? Because she is sweet lil princess???

I'm at a loss. Please send advice.

Comments

amynicole0630's picture

The phones are in my name. I have told dh two or three times to address SD17 on this issue, but he continues to 'forget'. I can't just drop service, because i signed a 2 year contract. In todays world cell phones may not be necessity but they sure are handy when trying to keep track of 5 teenagers.

Holly's picture

My thoughts are - if the phones are in YOUR name then you have the right to deal with it, especially if DH won't. Text SD17 to say that she has one week to pay the extra charges or the phone will be cut off. Then follow through and CUT THE PHONE OFF. Let HER raise a stink with DH. Sweetly smile at him and ignore all his bs. Point out that other SD is being responsible and paying her bill. Tell him if he wants to pay for SD17 phone, HE can choose to get one specially for her but you won't be paying for HIS irresponsible child anymore. End of discussion.

Mind you, I'm in a evil mood this morning }:)

amynicole0630's picture

I just spoke to dh, he says she can't pay this money because then she wont have a 400$ dress to wear to the dance. WHAAAAAAAA!! Like I care if princess has a dress or not. If she were my child she would [ay the bill, or she would have no phone. I have turned my kids phone off for not taking care of his responsibilities. I want to do this to her, too. I'm just pissed. she's so fucking spoiled. not fair to the rest of the kids that DO take care of their bill.

Holly's picture

Gee, looks like she'll have to have a $350 dress instead. Boo hoo. If the phone was on her personal plan and she owed the phone company the money directly, would they care that she wanted to buy a party dress instead of pay her bill? NO. They would cut her service off.

Your DH is being ridiculous. He is not helping her, he is actually harming her by spoiling her. Our job as parents is to teach our kids how to function in the real world. JMHO.

Holly's picture

Well, that is easier said than done. My Dh would probably make excuses like, "she's not 18 yet, it's our job to support her" and stuff like that. Luckily, I can usually get him to see both sides of the issue and then we come to a compromise. It's tough when you and your DH have different parenting styles - and his veers towards the disney daddy side of things.

Can you first get him to admit that she owes the money? and if you get that far then suggest alternatives to him? for instance, when my bs owes me money and cn't repay it, I make him wash all the windows or powerwash/varnish the deck or do something that saves me money (up to the value of the money he owes me). Or is her birthday coming up soon - you could contribute half to the dress as her birthday present and this then frees up her cash to pay you the bill now?

I am a firm believer that kids appreciate things (like phones and $400 dresses) when they have to work for them.

skylarksms's picture

Foxie - exactly!! PLUS, when skids say, "But EVERYone's got a cell phone" then you can say, "So it shouldn't be a big deal for you to borrow a friend's to call me at xx:xx." }:)

JMC's picture

All seven of my parents kids (step and bio) survived without cell phones, internet, etc. and we turned out just fine. My parents required a phone call from us if we were going to be 15 minutes later than expected - and we managed to make those phone calls WITHOUT a cell phone - imagine that!

We went through the cell phone ordeal with SD19 - nightmare!! I finally had it shut off and her grandma bought her phone & we bought her a card once a month. That ceased when she turned 18 & could get a phone on her own. When we paid her phone, she was always downloading expensive aps and crap - texting over her limit. We had a horrible time trying to get her to pay and of course, DH never enforced it.

As for her dress? Tell her to go check a consignment shop or at this time of year there a tons of prom dress swaps. I find it totally ridiculas to pay so much for a prom dress that's going to be worn one time. It's not a freaking wedding - it's a teenage dance!

dragonfly5's picture

So is his child better, more special, than you children. I don't think his child should be treated any different that your child. If your child didn't pay their part you would cut them off. All rules apply to everyone. What message are you sending your children? That his child doesn't have to follow the rules...this is bad for your family. Cut her off.

Sometimes lessons need to be learned. You are establishing character qualities, by showing her that money doesn't grow on trees and you must be a person of your word. You agreed to this, now you need to follow through.

Shell97's picture

I totally agree with Foxie. Our parents raised us without us having cell phones. But there were also pay phones during that time too. Now a days to find a pay phone some where is almost impossible. The school I went to, had one in the lobby for kids to use after they were done with an after school activity. The school my kids go to, doesn't have one. They would have to cross a major highway and to get to a convenience store to use one. Both of my kids have a cell phone, but they are AT&T pay as ya go. They get unlimited texting (because that's what they use it for the most) and a few dollars a month in talk time. They don't have a data plan, there is no need for a teenager to have a data plan. My kids also don't have those really expensive cell phones either. Especially when I myself don't have one. DH & I also each have an AT&T pay as ya go phone. The total for all 4 phones each month is $100. BS12 & I just had this discussion the other day. Because his birthday is coming up and he needs a new phone(his have all been hand me downs). BS12 asked us for an Android. I looked at him and said "I'm sorry but there is no way I am buying an Android for a 13yo". He says "all my friends have one." I then pointed out, that not all of them do and if I don't buy myself an Android, I'm not buying him one. I then told him that if he wants a phone like that, he better get a job and buy it himself and pay the bill himself. Luckily for me, dh & I are on the same page about the whole cell phone thing. SD16 has complained several times about wanting an expensive smart phone and a regular cell plan. We told her that they day she can buy the phone & pay the bill herself, is the day she will have one. Your dh needs to grow a set & step up and quit making sd think she is entitled to have these things. Tho I understand it is hard, because I have the same battle several times a week with my dh about sd16. SD16's prom is coming up and my dh thought for sure I would go along with wanting to buy sd16 a $250-$300 dress to wear one time and also pay for tanning, hair, new make-up, shoes, new jewelry, and getting her nails done. I told him that he is crazy if he thinks we are going to spend that much. My parents didn't do that for me, I was lucky to even have a dress and what they didn't pay for, I did. Kids these days think they are entitled to these things without having to work for them. Needless to say, I took sd16 dress shopping 2 weekends ago at a place that sells new dresses for discount price because either there is a small defect or the retail store couldn't sell it. I got sd16 a new dress & new pair of shoes to match for $55. The dress does need a new zipper put in it because it was messed up, but I took it to be fixed and it's only gonna cost me $20. So for $75 sd16 got a new dress & new shoes and that makes room in our budget for her to go tanning and all the other things she wants. I sometimes think that this entitlement issue has a lot to do with the parents not telling their kids no from time to time. JMO!

Milomom's picture

Shell97, you nailed it!! ^^^^^^^^^^^THIS!!!!^^^^^^^^^^^^

STOP THE ENTITLEMENT MADNESS!!!! JUST SAY NO!!!!

I would tell your SD17 she has another 7 days to cough up the money...and that if it's not in your hands by that day, her phone service will be SUSPENDED indefinitely until payment in full is received.

I would tell my FDH that if HE didn't like it, TOO BAD! Put SD17's cell phone in HIS name, then!! His daughter, HIS PROBLEM!!

How DARE he come to you with some LAME EXCUSE like "oh, she needs a $400 prom dress"! Are you effin KIDDING me?!? He actually had the balls to say THAT was the reason she didn't have the money to pay you??? Wow, it sounds like your DH is taking advantage of you something huge. No offense to the OP - but I would just LAUGH at my FDH if he said something as RIDICULOUS as that!!! Then I would say to him, "Oh, really? I didn't realize that we could call the mortgage company and tell them I need a new Coach bag and that's why we couldn't pay the mortgage this month - sorry!" Something sarcastic to make him realize how STUPID he sounds!!!

I swear, no good deed goes unpunished with these steps sometimes - GEESH!!

aug2010's picture

Dude don't let her get away with her responsibilities you were clear stating what was required in order to maintain their cell phones and she hasn't held up her end of the bargain. This is why kids these days don't know what responsibility is. Its one or the other cell phone or ridiculously priced prom dress. Sorry.

Shell97's picture

When dh & I got into the argument about the whole prom dress budget and the cell phone matter....I simply looked at dh and said "I am sorry that you can not face reality and realize that the things sd16 is asking for is not in our budget and I refuse to go over that budget and not pay a utility bill or mortgage payment just so sd16 can spend more on a dress or cell phone." After that, the cell phone and prom budget conversation was ended and I stuck to the budget. I use to just cave to dh and let him give sd16 whatever she asked for. But no longer will I go without being able to provide a stable home for sd16 & bs12 just because sd16 thinks she is entitled to something. SD16 is in for a reality check when she moves out in a year to go to college. Because sd16 thinks that dh & I are going to foot the bill. Ummm, sorry don't think so. DH & I had to get student loans to pay for our college education and so will sd16 & bs12. I will try to help them a little by sending them some "mad money" each month, but only if all our bills are paid first. I find it funny how some parents complain how bad or irresponsible their kids/skids are, but don't realize they are the ones teaching them to entitled brats.