SD, when she was 8, was also given a cell when she visited us. As soon as she walked through our doors the phone was stored. At first she would protest, but DH explained that this was our (more my time since I have always been the one to look after her) time to spend with her and if BM wanted to get a hold of her because of an emergency then she can call our cells. She was a bit upset at first, but she got used to it; she is now 10 and no longer has a cell phone, I think that's because she lives with us now and we don't allow it.

I personally don't think you are too strict, but I do agree that it may be that she wants to be "involved" when your SS is with you guys. She may feel that this is a way that she still has some control over the situation. Good Luck!!

Has it got GPS on it? BM used to use a keystrokes program to find out what was typed on the computer! I guess other kids his age have one, and it will help him to communicate more with her if that's what he chooses to do.

It goes on a shelf/counter during visits - turned off between 9pm -8am.

My kids have cell phones. We have freaky neighbors that like to call on my kids for walking to the "GASP! POOL! LIBRARY!" :jawdrop: Kids shouldn't be able to do this with out a parent up their ass...yes they have to cross the street twice at a cross walks.

At that age we had different rules than know.

We got my ss a cell phone when he was 9. My dh was getting ready to leave for Iraq and ss was moving with bm. She wasnt always reliable about having a telephone. It was the first thing to go whenever money got tight so we got it specifically so we could contact him whenever we needed to. dh did talk to bm about it-talked about how he would like her to help ss find a place for it at her home,keep it on a charger, etc. and she agreed. It was a pay as you go phone. Unfortunately we found out quickly enough the phone became a big problem. BM was the primary person using the phone-we could see the calls made each month-most of them were to her home or to her boyfriends #. She tried to tell us it was ss making the calls, but we were quite certain it was her-she did finally cop to the fact that she needed it sometimes. SS in the meantime-was pissy at me and my kids and just pissy in general so he never called us-I mean like never and when we called him he would not answer. So, yeah, we were paying for a phone for bm.

Then after about 4 months he misplaced it for about 2 months. He found it, but then lost it again a few months later-ths time for good. He's 13 now and we have resisted getting him another phone. His bm has tried to talk us into it-my dh said he didnt want to get a phone for her to talk on again and she told us we just needed to get unlimited minutes so she could use it when she needed to. Um, right. i will say that my ds12 and dd13 both got phones when they were 10. We put them on our plan originally and they paid for their phone and first 3 months of service with their bday money. We have since switched to a no contract with unlimited texting but limited talk. It works pretty well for us. My dd13 burns hers up-my ds not so much. Ds's phone is more for my peace of mind-when he is at friends or school/sports events. My dd9 wants one. She talks on our home phone incessantly (she actually never stops speaking at all)so we will probably allow her to get one for her 10th bday.

Hi there... am new to site and found this one interesting... We provide our girls (my skids) with a phone for when they are at their mothers and she provides them with one for when they are here. We found this was the easiest and most unannoying way to deal with contact. In the beginning we found that their mother would text my husband up to 30 times a day over the most ridiculous of stuff and most of the time it was to do with money and rarely to do with the girls, then when the time came to actually speaking to the girls she would say she was going to ring and then never ring or try and tell the girls that she called but she wasn't 'allowed' to speak to them...which was never the case at all and just her way of covering up that she hadn't called.... we also then in turn could never speak to the girls when they were in her care as she would never answer the phone at the arranged time or would send them to sleep over at her mothers house on the arranged day of contact so that we were unable to call them...so after a year of torture and abuse we all finally came to the agreement that we provide our phone for there and she provides one for here.. we in turn make sure they have credit on the phone as it is prepaid for them to call us if they miss our call and we make sure we never call past the 8pm deadline and the girls are aware that they are never to use the phone after 8pm unless it is an emergency. She in turn does the same for when they are here..with the exception that in 3 years she has only ever given them 2months worth of credit so they never have any money to call her when they want to and of course most of the time she never rings them when they are here and if she does it is usually last minute the night before they are due to go back to her. The outcome of this is we always have contact with the girls now and they in turn have contact with us.. we have also now established a good contact relationship with their maternal grandmother as she is now able to freely get in touch with the girls and as she has a local landline if they miss her call we allow them to call her back on the landline.. their mother on the other hand is still not overly interested in contact with them when they are here. Sad for them

When my dd was 12 I got her a cell b/c she was in cheer and it was very hard for us to know where she was and what was going on. My ds did NOT get one as he had no need.

SURPRISE all my skids came with a phone the next visit! At first it was her moms cell and they lost it then she said my ds stole and even tried to get him arrested! Long story short dh and bm got in a HUGE fight but the skids came again with a cell phone dh took it and put it up per his attorney. It took a few months but she stopped sending that thing. The only reason and bm said so was that my dd got one and we wouldn't get one for them. :?

Fast forward to them all being teens and this past christmas bm got all 3 skids a cell and they hardly ever use it. they turn it off while here for the most part. It pisses her off to no end that she can't call or text them. I think it's funny.

While on vaca, ss15 forgot to turn his off and she texted saying that her mom was in the hospital b/c she was in a bad wreak and ss15 shrugged his shoulders and turned it off. The only reason we know that happened was b/c bm texted dh and was pissed thinking we made them turn them off. Turns out it was a fender bender that she made out to be this huge thing that was nothing.

To answer your question I do not think you are mean and I would take it and put it up and let him have it til he goes home. Our attorney said we have every right to do that in our home.

BM of SD14 got her a cell when she was 9. (what is it with age 9? lol) It has always annoyed me that SD is reporting to her BM what we are doing, when, and where but really...were not doing anything that she cant or shouldnt be doing...so who cares. If her BM wants a play by play of our grocery shopping trip more power to her I guess. We did put in place a few rules. 1. being no cell at dinner. 2. being no cell during a family event. If I paid admission stay off of your cell until we are done. SD is pretty good with these rules. BM did have a fit at first when SD told her we had these rules. She tried to tell me that she bought the phone so that SD could contact her whenever she wanted to. I told her directly that she may have open cell phone access at HER house but at OURS she will follow our rules. BM just nodded her head and never brought it up again. lol

I can understand that when you child is gone you want to be able to talk to or contact them. Sure. They are your kid. I get that. However if it is intrusive, distruptive, or causing upset or drama then it is an issue and must be corrected.