Okay, who left them in charge of him? Does he suffer from dementia or some other disease that impairs his memory or cognitive function? If not then why is a 56 year old man letting his daughter and sister-in-law run his life? Does this man have no backbone? Is this what you want to be married to...someone who is content to let others make these decisions for him?

Run! I'm sorry to say, but your husband will always be manipulated by others and the fact that he dated other people while only separated from you shows that he wants to move on. Let him go. You deserve better than this aggrivation. If he were to come back it won't change. He already told you that he does not love you...do you need anymore reason to move on? I'm sorry to be so blunt and I know this must be extreemly hard for you, but fighting for a love that you only have will only devistate you more in the long run.

I can't imagine how much pain this relationship has brought you, but from what you've told us here, you've put up with so much already!! It's obvious there are a lot of control issues with the women of his late wife's family. Like Sasha said, at 56, he is still YOUNG and capable to run his own life, unless he does have difficulties due to health problems. This just sounds so extremely overwhelming!! How have you been coping with this relationship!? I'm even saddened to ASK you how you've been coping, implying you've had to COPE!! All realtionships have problems but this seems bigger than you and him. Those women are holding onto his free will, maybe because they're still grieving over the dead mother or maybe because HE NEVER MADE HIS INTENTIONS CLEAR after her death. I might be digging too deep here, but you said you dated quite soon after the mother passed away. There have been other women in his life, too. He might have set himself up for failure by not respecting other's reactions to his finding another woman. Those sisters may have taken that as an insult and ran with it, making his life miserable, and anyone else's who comes along in it.

This is just a mess and you shouldn't be the one trying to clean things up. You've tried, as you've said, and it hasn't gotten you anywhere. You're never going to win this fight. I wish I could tell you otherwise because it must be heartbreaking to feel all that you do, but it's so unclear as to what you're fighting for. Start fighting for yourself.

Lots of love your way.

If you wish to give off light, you must endure the burning.

Lady, You need to divorce him and move on. He already has a wife, (SD) and she is always going to be between you. You will always be treated as though you are the other woman trying to break up the family. The relatives are taking all of their grief and pain of the woman's death out on you because they can. He is impotent where the relatives are concerned and not capable of supporting or defending you. He was not ready to get married and not over the wife's death and that is the major problem here or otherwise he would not have been so needy about their approval.

I might come at this from a different perspective. I have been widowed for 8 years now. His daughter and your DH late wifes family are grieving still. They were not comfortable seeing a new woman in that position. So they took that out on you. Does it excuse it? No! My sister did something that was unbelievable when she met my DH for the first time. She placed a picture of my husband and me and my son and placed it on the Dining Room table during dinner in front of my boyfriend. She kept saying what a great picture of all of you! He has never gotten past that and a few other comments. I have defended my husband countless times to them. I have understood that he is not my late husband - he is different and that is good for me and that is what is important. We can't replace our late spouses but we can find a new relationship and he was entitled to do that, despite what they think.

Your husband should have defended you from the begining. You probably did handle some things wrong. Don't we all? They probably felt you didn't and he didn't honor his memory. But, now it is probably too late to resolve their feelings if he won't be an assertive mediator and defend his relationship with you. I don't believe in divorce, but you may need to walk away from a very frustrating situation. Good luck.

He did not defend you that is the bottom line. As for the pictures. We have no pictures in our room of either spouse. We have one of each kid and a picture of us. Bad karma. We have pictures in the house of my late husband. About 6 and they are all in a bookshelf outside of my home office. Nowhere else. That is not fair to my current husband.

He is wrong in the way he let them treat you. His loyalty is to you if he married you. His wife would have wanted him to move on with his life. If he wants this to work, he needs to take a break from them for awhile. Ironically I had to from my family. Not from my late husbands family. My late husbands family wanted me to move on. My own immediate family accepts my husband now. Do they embrace him - No. But, it is better than it was.

If he is not willing to do the battles for you and tell his daughter to back off and take a break from them, then you need to walk away. Cut all ties. You need to have this discussion with him. He can't keep coming back when he is lonely.