One of the hardest parts
of this whole situation for me has been the legal system. I like to think things through logically, and make informed decisions. It seems that the legal system just doesn't care about logic, or truth for that matter! When my DH got divorced (seperated 3 yrs prior to filing, she had affairs and a subsequent child) he had many charges against BM, to include her taking them in bars and drinking with them. The judge threw it all out! DH also had records of everything, from incidents to all of the dates that he had the kids. BM and DH actually agreed on the visitation schedule that they currently had, and the judge threw it out as well and changed it in BMs favor. Now, at this point, they went from 60/40 with DH getting 60, to 60/40 with BM getting 60...where does this make sense when BM had no conflicts with the situation??
Now.. on top of that, DH must pay child support, even though he has the kids almost the same time(and now more since BM lets us get the kids more often) than BM, has all the same expenses. According to our state, its to maintain the level of "wealth" in both homes as it was prior to divorce... ok, so at what point does this become supporting BM not the kids? And why do they have to be equal when one parent wants to better themselves and increase thier income, yet one is happy living off of CS and getting increases each time the NCP gets a raise. I just don't understand the logic...
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There are definitely some
There are definitely some old fashioned laws...they are not updated to the times whatsoever. I have an issue with it too, in my state, if a woman has a baby & she is married or even separated but still married, the husband is "presumed" to be the father & his name goes on the birth certificate. He doesn't sign it, not even allowed to, they just put it on! HELLO! these days, you should never ASSUME a woman's baby is her husbands, especially if they are separated! My husband is the legal father of his ex-wife's kid because of this law. Some of the laws are just down right assinine. And they almost always screw men over.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
this is a prime example
of the flaws in the legal system!! I have heard of this before, and it still blows my mind that these situations are being upheld by courts! Is there any recourse on this??
Logic,intelligence and Family Law Courts.Now there is a fantasy!
4,
I gave up on anything remotely resembling logic or even intelligence in family law "professionals" (Judges, clerks, attorneys, etc......) a long time ago. In my 14+ year StepDad career I have found exactly one person who is worth a damn who works in the family law system and he is one of my attorneys.
What you have observed is in my experience the norm and not the exception.
I am an ardent believer that in general the bottom 10%ers of the legal profession go in to family law. I have no data to support this it is just my observed opinion. There are obviously exceptions to this because we have found exactly one out of several dozen that we have had to suffer through who is worth a damn in our blended family experience.
I hold out every hope that there are more who are worth a crap out there but so far one is it.
Just my thoughts, experiences and opinions of course.
Best regards,
I agree Rags....
We have been through 9 attorneys (that's right 9) in 10 yrs just to FINALLY have found one that is worth my hard earned money. He really believes in what he is doing and the amazing thing is that he is not wealthy. He cares about what he does, not the cash it generates! Funny story.... I shop at discount stores and charity shops mostly for kids clothes. I see no reason to pay retail for something I can buy just as good at 1/2 the price. It may be used, but most of the clothes I find are in excellent condition.... anywho, I saw him in one not too long ago. he came right up to me and we had a lovely conversation about prices of things, etc. From that day on, I decided that he was absolutely wonderful.....
First attorney was more interested in placating the opposition
than in enforcing our perspective. The only family law professional that I have seen as worth a crap is our second attorney. During our first meeting he asked the following questions.
1. How important is this to you?
2. Are you doing this to look out for your and the child's best interests or to punish the other Bio-Parent?
3. How much are you prepared to spend to make this happen because it will not be cheap?
4. Are you willing to listen to my guidance if I do not believe what you are looking for is either reasonable or possible?
:jawdrop:
I was sold on him at that point. He has on more than one occasion guided us to the next best likely alternative when we have asked for something that he did not think was likely or reasonable.
We have yet to have to go to court when he represents us. He writes "them" a letter outlining our expectations and what he will bring up in court if they do not agree. Each time he has generated a communication for us they comply rather than risk having to face us and our attorney in court. Though his per hour cost is high the total cost of having him represent us is much less than what our previous attorney cost us.
yes..
it is the norm as I have found out through this site and another. Its quite dis-heartening. My DH's attorney was a joke...he would find out court dates from the ex, and could never get information from him. My DH I think was intimidated by him, since he was a lawyer he had a misconception that he HAD to be smart, and HAS to know what he is doing.
We were just starting to see each other during this time, so I didn't get involved much. At some point though, I told DH that he needed to change his perception of this man, he was a lawyer, but just because he has a degree and passed the exam does NOT mean that he is competent!
We did meet with a new lawyer last December, at a time when BM was being completely unreasonable, and I was quite happy with the man that we met with. I started doing a lot of research following that meeting though, so I feel more informed on what is involved.
One can only hope that at some point in time judges will begin to see things the way that they are... of coure, I'm not holding my breath on that one...
I LOOOOVE our judge
He is awesome. I've seen him work felony cases (for work, not because I know any felons) and our own family law stuff. He's firm, but fair and doesn't take any shite from anybody. He's also a pretty nice guy and has a great sense of humor. Ya, it's a small town (about 5,000 people) and it's pretty easy to know anyone you want to. When FH needed a lawyer, I asked the DA who was a good one and we have happily gone with his recommendation.
That being said, maybe some of you have bad judges. I and pretty much everyone I know here, knows how lucky our community is to have our judge serving. But here's the thing, judges are elected officials. They are politicians. Ours is re-elected every four years. I'm sure terms are different depending on the state, but still, now that you've experienced the legal system first hand and you know it sucks where you are, that might be a good wake up call to get involved. It CAN make a difference for local elections. If a judge is completely out of line, there has to be some kind of recourse. They have to answer to someone, at the very least they answer to voters. But a judge can only do so much with the laws that are in your state. I know that in many places the deck is stacked against BF. That's just straight up wrong. Having a uterus doesn't automatically make you the better parent and the pendulum is beginning to swing the other way in many places.
oh, and in case you don't know who to ask for a good lawyer recommendation - go watch some cases. Court is open to the public, find out which attorneys will be trying what and go watch them. You'll get a good sense of who's good and who's not. Find out if they do criminal and civil - watch them do a criminal case as well. It's especially good to see how they interact with their clients. Are they willing to communicate with them? Do they ask them questions? I know this seems time consuming, but when you think of how much you shell out for these guys - you have got to do your homework. Because if they screw up, it costs WAY more than money.
I did a full page classifed on the idiot judge we had.
Mas,
I agree that involvement is the key to improvement. The only problem is that we did not live in the jurisdiction of the Judge we had so we could not vote his worthless honor off of the bench. So, I let my dollars talk and took out a full page add in the local paper on the Moron during his reelection campaign. I had a picture of the Judge, the BD's arrest mug shot and a fuzzed picture of my son with the caption "This Judge forced this 2yr old child to spend time with this delinquent DO NOT VOTE TO RETURN HIM TO THE BENCH". Under BD's mug shot was his arrest record.
Unfortunately the Judge got wind of the add (it is a small town) before it ran and our attorney received a call to inform us that we should withdraw the add before it ran or we would be subject to some judicial intimidation charge. In private our attorney also told us of the concern that no cases the attorney worked on would get favorable treatment in the county courts if the add ran.
So the add never ran. Every time we have to go to court I regret that I did not run it.
I am very happy that you have a Judge with integrity. I have yet to experience one in my SS's case. As for attorneys, we have a great one who makes an art of smacking BD around (legally speaking of course).
Best regards,