Wouldn't you like to throw the proof out there
Are you ever tempted to or has anyone shown the Stepkids, in-laws, anyone the proof of all the lies the BM made, all the cancelled checks that she lied about, all the extra things you did that she lied about, all the emails she sent that she lied about them in.... I'm just so tempted to scan all the documented proof I have of all the crap over the last 17 years and put it out there. Is that what I need to do to release this anger and hatred I have for this woman and get over it? Aren't we supposed to forget and forgive to be better people? I guess I need some type of validation for all the bull**** we have been put through for all these years. I know I can't because it would hurt a lot of people and maybe make them deal with things they aren't ready to face. Just tempted....
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I would do it in a heart
I would do it in a heart beat. I have a place where I keep everything from phone logs to statements. If the girls get older and act out because of lies their mom says I will put them in an empty room and let them see for them selves. the truth hurts but lies rip people apart.
I've been tempted. SD is an
I've been tempted. SD is an adult now. My ILs can't stand me, and blame DH for many things. OOOOH, I so want to "set them straight!"
I may have even tried once...but I can't remember.
As much as it can bother me, I figure they're going to believe what they want to believe. If they want to believe BM's lies that DH and I had an affair and he never pays for anything and he abandoned her... let them. I don't want people in my life who don't bother to look at both sides of the penny, anyway.
I think this is the right
I think this is the right attitude to have, but damn it's hard. We try to answer the boys' questions when something comes up, and try to do it in as factual, non-emotional way as possible, but don't volunteer information about their useless mother who is still living off the man she supposedly hates with all her being. He pays her more a year than I make - and I have a graduate degree. Eh. She's miserable, can't find a job or a boyfriend, and is quickly "losing equity" as FDH puts it. The only things she has going for her are a one day a week volunteering gig, the boys half the time - not that she actually parents them, per say, more of a babysitting role, and a cat.
But, I try to be very positive when the boys are talking about her. She may be useless and clueless, but she is still their mother and insulting her in front of them does nothing to her, but hurts them terribly. I won't do that. Even though she has done it to me.
I've done it. I ordered a
I've done it. I ordered a statement from the CS office for all the CS payments DH made during his time with me and then I showed it to the Skids. SS was about 14 or 15 at the time and SD was way younger. I added "So when she tells you that your dad doesn't do anything for you ask her what she did with all this money that he sent her for YOU & your sister." When SS saw it, his face went stone cold. One year later SS moved in with us but not before asking his mother where was the 150k that his dad had paid her in CS. BM walked out of the room without giving SS an answer. She never again told her kids that their dad didn't do anything for them. Every once in a while she'll tell my DH that he doesn't do shit for his kids, but she doesn't say it to them. So I guess it served my purpose. I have also been known to show them her nasty texts when she gets disrespectful when I am trying to be cordial. It has been a true eye opener for them and not such a good look for her.
Our PAS drama was seriously
Our PAS drama was seriously reduced once DH did defend himself to SD, who was 16 at the time.
I see nothing wrong with stating the facts when you are being ABUSED by PAS.
Of course I would let the parent do this, not do it myself unless I felt forced to, in which case I would do it in about 1 millisecond. !