So disengaging definitely turned the tables. I've successfully emotionally (and mostly mentally) disengaged. I had an after-work event tonight & DH had the day off. I came home around 8pm and could tell DH was bummed. Now that he's not triangulated with me & SS18, it's just between the two of them. After a few minutes, DH started telling me about his anger after calling SS today & getting flack. At first I just listened, then started agreeing with DH, and then when I said I was glad DH is finally seeing this... he got mad at me.