My story is pretty predictable.
SD is 17.Bio dad bought her a car,my wife her mom pays insurance gives her gas money. She failed 2 of 5 courses , one of which is vocational and pretty much a given good grade if you show up.
Sd does not care for personal items, or concern herself with how she affects others in the house. Rude selfish, entitled.
Believes that spending time with her boyfriend is a priority. I mean that it comes before a job, or going to summer school so she will graduate.
Her behavior is typical.
I have read quite a few threads here and see that I am not alone, as well as my SD is not the worst person in the world.
Having said that, I know that things can be better.
My problem is with my wife.
Like many other spouses with skids, the problem is coming to a good compromise and sticking with it.
I do not understand why when I talk to my wife alone everything is practical, level headed and my wife expresses frustration at the lack of respect for anyone including my wife.
My wife works a 2pm til 2 am swing shift. I work 3pm til 1130pm 5 day a week job. So we get to pretty much fill each other in about things that are going on in a short period.Then we have to part.
In the 8 hours that I have been at work. The majority of what we talked about is out the window and my wife backs down , allows my SD to leave the house or lounge around texting, playing the pc, ps3 . Basically continue on entertainng herself as if nothing happened.
We both know why our SD has these respect problems, and I believe most of the children out there have poor values for the same reasons.
No consequences. No repercussions.
The mentality that the children are developing is one of entitlement and self gratification, with no respect or value of earning it or appreciation for it.
My wife seems to understand this when we speak to each other and never follows through with consequences.
I just wanted to say some of this to someone to get it off my chest.
Just fyi , I am actually very strict with my bio kids, and try to treat the skids and bio kids with the same love and respect. Although my SD is killing any positive relations between her and I.Unfortunately we both seem to be ok with being at odds with each other.
My wife is in a tight spot being caught between us and I try to recognize that. I try to explain that I have my SD best interest at heart. One day , my wife won't be able to keep enabling her. One day my Sd will have to contribute and make her own way in life. What then?
And as far as my wife and I. I am coming to the point where I feel forced into making the choice to make myself happy and leave.
I love my wife but cannot keep watching her have the strength to expect better from our bio kids and then be easy on our skids because of her guilt for breaking up their life with their bio dad and her.
I need my opinions and feelings to be valued at least as much as my skids.
I feel as if I really don't rate at all.
I do understand that children should and do come first.
That doesn't mean that we should allow them to do anything they want , and give them everything they want as well as sacrifice our marriage in the process.
Sorry the post is so long. I also hope my thoughts are not to broken.
There is a lot to be said. Maybe at some point if anyone relates ,and or responds , then I will write down more.
Until later, frustrated and feeling unloved.
Kaladarr.