Too much!!
I am new to this forum, and new to the SD15 living in our house. I've been with her father, my husband for 10 years, and married for 7. This kid asked to live with us. We did not take her from her home. She asked for consequences and support and boundaries.
It quickly turned to manipulation and selfishness. My DH has chosen to continue enabling her, and expects the least from her. "At least she does ____ " and "Well at least she's ____" . OUR children, however, have the MOST possible expected of them, and they are only 2 and 6!
95% of my husband's time is devoted to the SD. Leaving early from work to drive her here and there. Missing work trips because she's unstable.
She's now in psychiatric and psychological counseling for wanting to hurt herself.
"At least she told me"
She contributes very little to our family, and requires everything.
In the beginning my DH and I were on the same page as far as what she needs and what we expect, and now we are miles apart about this.
I was getting ill stressing out about how to manage and help her. School is her biggest issue. I have since had to step away and just wash my hands of the whole thing. It's not fair that she is draining me of all my energy and ideas and MY OWN kids get a tired grumpy mommy. It's bad enough their dad doesn't spend time with them, but the parent who does is cranky and exhausted!
I've tried to be open and speak to my husband about my issues, but it just ends with an argument. Lately whatever i bring to him is defended and i'm expected to justify my own feelings.
Things are rapidly declining for my relationship with my husband, and I don't know where to go or what to do to vent and get the negative energy out of my own head. We moved to a new state, so i have no friends here to turn to. My mother has also moved in with us, but she doesn't want or need to know all the petty resentments and problems i'm having with my husband. I'm just thankful she's here to help give my kids what they need.
All i can do is cross my fingers and hope my SD goes back to her mom soon. I want my family back to myself. It seems fair since she no longer wants to be here anyway. My husband is just dragging this out so he can say he did his best. I understand his point of view, but I'm sick and tired of him never having to see things from mine.
I feel childish and selfish venting about this when i've read plenty of posts about drug use and giant issues with stepkids on this site. No one is in court, no one is having custody issues. The kid isn't whoring herself around or abusing anyone. She's just monopolizing and manipulating and my husband is going along for the ride while the rest of us move forward, getting comfortable not having him around.
It's a scary place to be for me... and enraging and frustrating!!
I would have gotten the
I would have gotten the F#$%ck out of a relationship before I ever accepted my DH's fc$%ed up kid. Sorry, your mom fc#$%ed you up, you now live with it. Otherwise, I am out.
PS - I told my DH many, many, many times...if you want to help your daughter, get her out NOW...if she or your ex or you don't want to, don't even think I will have her at 15 when she is a f#$%ck up. Guess what? She's a fc$%ck up, but at least she's never lived with us.
I'd give your husband a
I'd give your husband a deadline. Tell him that its obvious that the two of you are not going to make any difference in the kids life and that she will have to move back to her mothers at the end of the current school year.
Remind him that he has more than one child and as worrysome as it may be for him the girl's mother has more time available than he does.
I have an idea......and this
I have an idea......and this has worked in my favor before. You have to be really sneaky about it though. My SD wanted to stay with us ALL of the time and was constantly up my husband's butt(she is 12 and very needy) I swear, if he paid any attention at all to our daughter, there was SD in an instant trying to take it away! Act like you are concerned for Stepdaughter and start making rules that you know she will not want to abide by. For example, make your bed every morning, wash your plate, no tv during homework,do your own laundry, vacuum etc etc. If she wants to go out, give her a strict curfew and rules. Monitor her cell phone use. If she fails to do what is required of her, start grounding her by taking things away. Make sure you let your DH know that these rules are being set forth because you love and are concerned about stepdaughter and want her to grow up to be a decent, hardworking human being. Guaranteed, it will only be a matter of time before SD will want to go back to her mom's house with no rules, exspectations or consequences. But, you have to make your husband believe that you think SD is wonderful just like he does and that you are only doing these things out of concern rather than trying to get her out of your house.