Stepchildren and chores
I have posted this to try and get an idea of how other stepparents handle asking skids to do their chores.
My BF's daughter who lives with us fulltime is 14. I do not have andy children, so it's the 3 of us. Since we started living together when she was 12, her chores or jobs as we call them are to put this dishes away, make sure her cats' area for food and water are cleaned and repleninshed and to put the recycling in the bin outside. Occasionally she may be asked to get the washing in and/or out. That's about it.
When BF asks her do to extra stuff other than her designated jobs or reminds her to do the jobs she is supposed to do, usually his request is met with "yes dad, I know" in a defensive kind of manner, with tone, she gets angry because she thinks she's being told off. She does the jobs and then stomps off to her bedroom and sulks. She said the other day that sometimes she thought we didn't want her here. That was because she hadn't done her chores within a 4 hour period on a Saturday afternoon and was reading, watching television, playing with the cat but couldn't do 2 jobs that would take less than 5 minutes.
SD14 is a good kid. She does well at school, has nice friends and all in all we get along well. Baggage is minimal.
My biggest fear is that if I start asking her to do more stuff to help around the house, that she will want to live with her mother and then BF will hold it against me. He is very supportive, and when I ask him to ask her to do something or remind her, he does it. He is easy to talk to about the issues that I have with this.
BF & I both work fulltime, I am usually home well before him, so am the the person that starts getting dinner ready, get the washing in, close the blinds etc etc.
I want and expect at her age to start doing a bit more to help out. I think it is important not only to free up a bit more time for BF and I, but to also teach her essential skills of everyday living as an adult. I am not talking about anything unreasonable. Maybe peeling the vegies, so we can have dinner at a reasonable hour, putting a load of washing on, and dare I say it, doing some vacuuming.
So, I am interested in how other step parents deal with this because at the moment I am feeling so resentful and ready to explode I could pick up a plate and smash it, and normally I am a clear level headed person. I don't want to feel the way I feel.
I don't ask skids to do
I don't ask skids to do chores.
It's their responsibility.
In your situation, I understand your trepidation. However, earning money for chores might work with her.
You have to teach "work ethic" somehow.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
LMAO- What about DH, SK's
LMAO- What about DH, SK's and chores??? JK
14 years is plenty old enough to be helping out around the home. I was doing 'chores' at 4 years old...
When I moved in, I insisted
When I moved in, I insisted that they have chores. My son had them and I expected his kids (50/50 CO) to as well. Let me tell you, they have brought it up countless times that it is my fault. It is better now after a year. They do vaccuuming and garbage cans on Sunday mornings. They clear and set the table. DS15 does all the trash and recycling. SD13 and SS11 clear and set the table. But, honestly I think they could do more. Rather than insist on more chores for the kids, I made my husband get the cleaning lady here once a month. Trust me sanity for all.
i just ask they keep their
i just ask they keep their room clean --- which they don't.... so once in a while when i'm feeling the dislike for them most... i cruise in there and throw anything out of place away.....
as for chores around the house or yard for that matter --- i don't have kids (yet, hopefully one day soon) so i just prefer them not to put there germy hands all over my house...... and these skids are always sickly, coughing/sneezing --- and it's not like they cover there mouth.....
there's probably more to why i don't let them do things around the house, but i haven't been questioned about it.......
Try having a 21 year old ss
Try having a 21 year old ss that does not have to do anything around the house except eat and sleep. And i am not permitted to say anything about it, and it has pretty much been this way for eight years. Oh well, it will come back to bite him and his mother in the future and it already is starting too. But as of now i am the one that is paying for it
You must be an extremely
You must be an extremely patient person!!!
I have learnt that at the end of the day, I care to an extent about what sort of adult she will turn out to be, because there will be less to deal with if she is responsible, mature and functioning well. It will mean that she can look after herself and I can disengage big time.
How on earth to you do it? I couldn't without having a tirade or tsunami. You deserve a medal.
Typical kid response IMHO.
Typical kid response IMHO. My ss-17 still does that mopey crap when it comes to his chores. Once he gets his ass thorougly climbed about it (by his mom, he is immune to my ass chewing) he will lock in and perform for a few days then fade back in to his usual peformance level.
I have to say, he does the same things I did though I did them several years earlier than he is doing it and had my head on straight on the issue by the time I was his age.
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Kids raised with minimal
Kids raised with minimal responsibilty are lazy...I am guilty of this myself with my son too. He is so lazy sometimes I just want to scream. I think it is actually pretty normal these days.
The fear of pissing off a kid so they might want to go live with their BM or BF...that is exactly why I am in the predicament I am in today. BM knows this....uses it to her advantage....BF daughter knows this and it is her manipulation tool that is no fail. It is a no win situation in my case because BF is perfectly content with the situation...but good luck to you.