Spotting Depression in a teen
I'm a childless stepmom and have been in my SKs lives since they were 1 and 5 years old.
They are preteen and 16 now.
DH and I are out of state but have regular contact via phone, Skype, and multiple visits throughout the year along with half of Summer.
The kids are well behaved and we enjoy our time with them.
There is some alienation but when they are with us, it isn't as obvious. They conform to BM when with her and DH completely understands as he says he did the same when he lived with her....went along with whatever to basically keep the peace.
For some time now I have thought that my SS might have issues. He is very reserved at his BM's house. No friends. Goes to school, comes home, does homework, sleeps, eats, watches Youtube....which I suppose is very normal...minus the no friends part. He's never been invited to school mates birthday party when they were younger and all his parties have been with relatives, cousins around his age, no friends.
Lately the phone calls with he and DH are worse than normal. They've always been like pulling teeth to get him to give up any info on how his day was, etc. and he never has anything to talk about because he is always hold up in his room, but they are worse now.
It seems like he is always tired and I mean ALWAYS. DH was on the phone with him a couple weeks ago around 10pm (weekend) and he was "going to bed cause he was tired") Next morning at around 10am DH called him back (BM was out of town and left no adult with the kids so he was checking on them) and he had just gotten up but was sooo tired.
He was with us all Summer and this was not the case. He sounds like a zombie, the tone of his voice, the inflection....all of it.
I know without proper visit to Dr. we can't diagnose and typing this he sounds probably normal to most of us but I know who and how he is and it seems worse. I know this year of school has been a bit harder for him, but nothing horrendous yet.
Anything you can recommend watching for or other signs that might be more obvious that there could be a depression disorder going on here?
I've suggested to DH maybe taking him to Dr. when we get them next, but they will only be here a week, so not sure one visit would suffice. I have no dealings with Depression and haven't started the rabbit hole of internet diving yet.
Thanks for your time and any suggestions.
Worried SMxx
A lot of primary care doctors
A lot of primary care doctors do screenings for depression now - just start there. He/she can refer you for therapy if needed - but if BM is the custodial parent, she will need to be involved, obviously.
alot of kids act that way
alot of kids act that way when they are with a PASing parent. My kids do it. I have them half the time...but when they are with their dad and I call them they say almost nothing....don't share anything about what they are doing.....they say they are tired to hang up the phone....this is all b/c their father will get mad at them if he catches them being a "trader" and being nice to their mother....who is not supposed to exist over at his house. My kids are also teens and pre teen.
Then I pick my kids up for their week with me....and they are perfectly fine and normal.
Three boys here...
And it does sound pretty typical. Everything. Even the few friends. One of ours has a tiny friend group and it took him a long time to get those.
Our experience has been that around that age they all went through a big change in their friend groups and discovering who was actually a friend and who was using them or not someone they wanted to be around. It's a big leap.
Putting it out there in case something like that is contributing to his behavior.