Sociopath SS and My Sanity

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I'm new to the site, so any feedback would be welcome. My 17-yr old step-son exhibits all the classic signs of being a sociopath - now referred to as anti-social behavior. He lies, steals, comes home or not (as he see's fit), consistently tells both his father and I to F-off, and is about 5 minutes from violence against people (there are already multiple holes in his bedroom walls). He is "off-the-charts" smart, but can't think beyond what he wants RIGHT NOW and how he can get it. His BM is very similar--she's raised him to believe "the bigger the fit I pitch, the faster I'll get my way. She's kicked him out entirely--they don't even talk on the phone and SS lives with us full-time. It has gotten so bad that I'm taking anti-anxiety medication to deal with it. DH is (thankfully) on the same page with me, but its just wearing me out.

My state doesn't have formal guidelines for emancipation, and generally it isn't something we can consider until he commits a crime (and gets caught).

Just wondering what ideas anyone might have for both my SS and my mental health. I'm afraid if he spends too much time with me this summer, he'll get violent. Then he'll go to jail and I'll go to the hospital. Doesn't sound like a great option to me.

I'm sooooo glad this site exists, and I hope to be able to help others going forward.

Well, I will tell you this. I

Well, I will tell you this. I worked in research studying psychopathic/sociopathic personalities. They don't change. There is no help. Its not good. You basically have to cut them off completely and just never have anything to do with them. Otherwise, you will always be taken advantage of. The violent ones aren't going to make a distinction between people they should or shouldn't hurt. When push comes to shove, they will behave the same towards anyone.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. Is he at a point yet where he can live on his own? Otherwise, I would say maybe you need to be somewhere else until he moves. Again, I'm sorry to sound so bleak, but there's nothing you can do but protect yourself.

We had to hunt down ss16's

We had to hunt down ss16's mother about 9 months ago to take him. She abandoned all her children years ago. He was also classic sociopath. Did what he wanted when he wanted, trouble with school, trouble with the law, drinking, sneaking out etc. And I must say our family is much better off, the poor kid is not. He has been arrested for possesion, picked up for truancy, and is allowed to smoke pot, cigs, drink etc at his mom's. No telling what his future holds but it is no longer my concern. I finally feel free in my own home after years and years of his abuse.

You need to leave the home.

You need to leave the home. Let Dad deal with him until you feel safe to return. A small apartment near work perhaps or if you have no income find someone in the family to take you in.

Thanks so much for the

Thanks so much for the feedback and support! Based on your comments, here is a bit more information: We did send him to "troubled kid" camp for 3 months last summer (about $20,000--YIKES). He is so focused on "playing people" that all he really walked away with was new ways to fake human emotion. When angered, he yells, swears, clenches his fists, and kicks or punches something (inanimate so far), but his temper seems to be worsening. DH and I are on the same page entirely, and I really don't want to leave the house--we keep each other sane, ya know?

We can't afford military school--they run from about $3000-$6000 per month around here, unless anyone knows of something less expensive?

He is 17, has never had a job, doesn't have (nor will he get) a driver's license. Should be starting his senior year this fall, but is 4 classes behind right now, because he "didn't feel like" doing the work. We've decided that if there is no hope of him graduating with his class, he will be kicked out on his 18th birthday. But WOW--that's 9 whole months away! Again, thank you SO much for taking the time to help!

Go to psychopathfree site so

Go to psychopathfree site so that you can learn to deal with this mess, as there are moms and dads there in your same situation. Sadly, as someone pointed out, they don't change. I think I married one, he will never change. It never does. HUGS!

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