So happy weekend is over!
Another one of those weekends that SD15 did not go to BM's...UGH! At first I thought that the project graduation event this weekend would give me a break from the girl...NOPE! She and a few girls from the guard did a small bit during the intermission...the rest of the time, SD15 and two other girls (one she claims to totally despise, but you can't tell by watching her around the girl) were running all over the place being loud outside of the auditorium (the other 4 girls were in the auditorium actually being civil...watching their peers perform on stage). DH was working the sound booth in the auditorium, so he had no clue what SD15 was up to. I was working the silent auction out in the lobby, and she kept running through there with the other two girls. Every time I or any of the other ladies told them to quit running through there, they ignored us. Looked really bad on me, because she is associated as being one of mine (though everyone knows she is my step, so I think I get some extra sympathy there for that). Oh, and the fakeness around the other girls...made me want to puke! I have a feeling that the rest of the squad has to have some input into the the captain decision, so SD15 is all of a sudden trying to be buddy/buddy with everyone.
Luckily, DH took SD15 home immediately after the talent show prizes were handed out. We were still cashing out people for the silent auction, so I stuck around for about an hour after he left. In total, he put in 4 hours, I put in 7.
Then yesterday, DH agreed that SD15's boyfriend could hang out with us all day without asking me about it. And of course, this guy brought NO MONEY...so we got stuck paying for breakfast before church and lunch after church for him. I fed them left overs for dinner, because I was NOT cooking for everyone! I seriously expected him to go home way earlier than he did! I kept asking DH, "When are you taking him home?"..."Oh, in a little bit." Finally, at 9:00 p.m., he takes the guy home! The whole time, I'm having to deal with the two of them giggling...but even worse, DH is now breaking his own rules! The kids have NEVER been allowed to have their girlfriends or boyfriends in their bedrooms while at the house...they have always had to stay in the TV room and kitchen...at least this was the rule for BD23 and BS19! SD15 was supposedly supposed to be cleaning her room, and the boyfriend was back there with her (other end of the house where they could not be seen). DH went back there ONCE in all those hours to check on them! REALLY? At least I kept him from taking my car to take the boy home, and DH seemed a little put off by that. Told DH flat out, "My gas light came on on the way home...that means there is not enough gas to go to _____'s, back home, and back out to a gas station!" He claimed he wasn't even thinking about using my car...that he always uses his car. UM, THAT IS BS! He always takes mine claiming the guy is too tall for his little RX-8!
I don't know if it is because I know that my paycheck will soon be larger, but I'm thinking more and more every day about just getting out of here...I can't take this lack of parenting for 3 more years. Was thinking last night while laying in bed...time to do one of those 2-sided lists...reasons to go and reasons to stay...and see where things fall.
So he helped raise your kids
So he helped raise your kids properly (no boys in bedroom) but is letting his girl get away with it. Have you said your piece to him about the rule the girl is breaking? Then leave it alone and let the girl and her father take whatever consequences come along.
Next time he takes your car tell him to fill it up on the way home.
Disengage from this kid, it'll be far easier than leaving - see the link below. You've got less than 3 years to graduation - surely you can ignore the kid and her antics as well as her father ignoring those antics for that length of time. Let her live in peace because it will allow you to do the same. Millions of kids are growing up right now without help from you and most of them will turn out just fine as will this girl.
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
I don't want him taking my
I don't want him taking my car period! If I'm not in the car, he and SD15 trash it! The two weeks he was in my car when his was in the shop? Just the other day I was still finding trash in places...in the front seat and back...gum wrappers in all kinds of cracks...an open sauce packet from Taco Bell (which I NEVER go to). I'm lucky the sauce didn't stain the carpet in my car! They are both slobs, where I take care of my stuff. So, let him take his car so the brats can trash his! Like he would even notice the difference! And I have gotten on to both of them several times about their treatment of my property, but they simply don't care, obviously.
And, yeah, I have brought up a few times that DH is allowing SD15 to break rules or do things that BD23 and BS19 would have never been allowed to do. He tries to revise history to defend his actions with regards to SD15...really? Um, I paid much more attention to my bios than he is to his bio!
I think what bugged me the most is that I felt disrespected...if that makes any sense. Sunday afternoons after church are usually when I look forward to a quite house, because nothing else is going on. To invite the boyfriend over to the house and allow him to stay so late without consulting me is just disrespectful to me! This is my home, too! I made it clear to DH that I was ready for the boyfriend to go home around 4 p.m., but DH ignored me, and the boyfriend was allowed to stay another 5 hours!!! Sure, I could go hibernate in my room, but why should I have to do that in a home I pay bills on for a girl who has no respect for me and won't even do a chore to help contribute?
Exactly! I seriously doubt
Exactly! I seriously doubt this girl will turn out "fine"...from what I can see, this girl is turning out exactly like BM! BM is 35 years old and would still live at home if she could! The woman has two kids that she cannot (or at least won't) take care of...SD15 was always allowed to run things and has learned BM's manipulative ways. When she could no longer handle SD15...well, off to someone else she goes! SD15's younger half brother runs the house now...throws the craziest temper tantrums I've ever seen! So BM's husband could go to work, they have a friend living with them to take care of the child! BM is a stay-at-home mom...but she spends all day in bed or on the couch in front of the TV eating!
This weekend I was thinking what kind of life I will have if I stay, and what kind of life if I go. With BS19 going off to college, I will be alone...but would I want to be alone in a house with people who don't respect me, or alone in an apartment where I'm truly alone? The latter, if I want a quiet Sunday afternoon, that is what I get. I won't have people trying to manipulate my time AND my income. I get that a marriage is supposed to be a compromise...but when it feels like you are doing all the compromising and the other person isn't doing any compromising, you end up feeling taken advantage of...and that is the way I feel right now! I'm almost thinking it is better to leave...then I won't have people trashing my things, taking advantage of my income, making plans without consulting me, etc. It is one thing to let SD15 be out of control...it is quite another to not communicate anything with me at all, especially when it is something that affects me. I feel I have the right to be consulted before my income is spent, before visitors are invited to my home, etc. I mean, it is called common courtesy! If he wanted to allow SD15 to hang out with the boyfriend, maybe DH should make sure HE has money, and take them somewhere to hang out...mall, whatever...at the very least ASK me if I feel like having a guest AND if we have budget to cover this guests meals for the entire day! Don't just assume or expect!
He will fight it as much as
He will fight it as much as he can...but like SD15, things will change only temporarily. UGH! I don't want to have to leave, but I'm not seeing what other choice I have! I at least have to stick things out until BS19 leaves for college. One thing is for certain, DH and I need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart! If this marriage is to make it, he has to start stepping up. He needs to realize that he is supposed to be a parent! He also needs to realize that I'm not just someone that is supposed to cook, clean, pay bills, and other "duties" while he gets to ignore that I'm a human being, too...one with feelings, needs, etc.
Bad thing is, he wasn't always this way! It's been over the last 5 years...I don't know how to describe it. Things have changed...all kinds of things...and not for the good. The older SD15 has gotten, the more he lets her control him, and the less respect he seems to have for my feelings.