SD/19 and phone calls to the DH.

Forums:

I might be overreacting but does anyone else think it is ok for the SD/19 to call the DH 5 to 7 times a day everyday? She recently got married and lives with her new husband but will call our house to talk to the DH about every little detail of her day. I thought that was what spouses were for. It is so annoying! I don't have a problem if she calls to say hi or how are you doing but everyday 5 to 7 times a day. DH sees nothing wrong with this. I even said something and he was very defensive and said my daughter can call as much as she wants. I feel like I can't even have a relationship with my DH because the SD/19 consumes all of his time. Please advise am I just overreacting?

Hm, I'd be asking her about

Hm, I'd be asking her about her marriage.
Does she work or go to school? Maybe she's just bored.

She works two jobs but that

She works two jobs but that never stops her from calling when she has a minute. I've detached myself from her because of all the drama she has caused. Sometimes I think she does it just to keep annoying me. When she lived here she would consume his time too. Either by following him around the house, barging into our room and planting her butt in between us. I felt like I never had an alone moment with my DH. I don't think it's boredom I think it is for attention.

It is only noon and she has

It is only noon and she has called 3 times already.

Seriously?? That's excessive.

Seriously??
That's excessive. What could they possibly have to talk about?
Have you asked your DH?

It is everyday!! So I'm not

It is everyday!! So I'm not overreacting? DH and I are not talking because of SD/19 and all the drama she causes. If I ask anything about why SD is calling he would just have an attitude towards me.

So he likes that she's

So he likes that she's calling so much.
You're outta luck.
The contact is filling some need for both of them.

4 times and counting. I think

4 times and counting. I think it will be more then 7 today.

I totally agree with you and

I totally agree with you and it is ruining our marriage.

@ Kayro: I think you are spot

@ Kayro:

I think you are spot on with that.

I thought the same. I would

I thought the same. I would be a little upset if I were him but he is so in love at the moment I think he is overlooking it.

Personally, I had a very hard

Personally, I had a very hard switch from consulting my father about certain things, to consulting my husband about certain things. It took a while for it to really *click* in my head that, duh, I needed to be talking to my husband about "this."

An example would be: my car would be acting up and I would call my dad, rather than talk to my husband about it. Or I wanted an opinion on some matter, and would call my dad before I would talk to my DH about it.

I had to put a concerted effort into changing that mind set: I need to talk to my husband about such matters, NOT my father.

I would say that your SD has the same problem I had. Given the fact that she is just 19, it's pretty understandable.

(I, however, was 35 when I married my current DH. If you read my other blog posts you would learn a little about my relationship with my father. I was PAS'd as a child and only began a real relationship with my father as an adult. Thus, it was really, really, really, etc. awesome for me to have him in my life. Finally I had a "Daddy" that could help me with certain things. I'd never [ever] had it before. So I got really, really used to it and it was really, really hard for me to give up.)

My dad initiated a conversation with me about how I needed to be asking my DH about such things - not that he isn't happy to help - but really, my problems are now my DH's problems, not his. Hahaa. He didn't say it to be mean - he said it in love and in genuine concern for the health of my marriage. You get what I'm saying, right?

My dad now says, "Did you talk to DH about that? What was his advice?"

OR, I initiate a conversation with, "My DH and I were stumped on something and would like your input..." This way, my dad knows that he isn't stepping on my husbands toes. AND, I only go to my dad after I've asked my DH, "I feel that my dad would be able to give us some really great advice on this, would you mind if I called him to ask?" This way, my DH doesn't feel like I am going behind his back or not trusting him to take care of things. If, by chance, my DH would ask me to not call my dad, I would respect his wishes and not call my dad.

Dude, I cannot accurately describe how WONDERFUL it has been for my marriage and for my DH. It has really lifted him up as a man and built his confidence to boot.

New husbands can feel super insecure about their role - especially if DAD keeps coming to the rescue.

I'm wondering how your son in-law feels about his wife constantly calling her father? My guess, not too good.

I would recommend to your DH that it is important for him to help his daughter "cleave" to her husband and that she and her husband need to be making decisions for their life together - without his input or consent on matters. By enabling her behavior, he may be hurting her marriage. Is that really what he wants?

That doesn't mean that he can't still be there for her, but she's a married woman now - and she needs to be working on building her marital relationship sans her Daddy.

Hope that helps! good luck!

It is a different approach

It is a different approach that I haven't tried. My problem will be getting him to listen and see the good of it.

And there is a TON of good in

And there is a TON of good in it. You can do it! I know you can put it in a way that will make HIM feel like HE is being a really, really, terrific father that is really, really helping his daughter out in the best possible way!!!

Yeah, I pumped that up quite a bit. But I know you catch my drift.

And if he doesn't, uggg... yucky.

Good luck to everyone! Ya'll are going to need it on this one!

(((HUG)))

^^^AMEN!!!!!^^^ I love my

^^^AMEN!!!!!^^^

I love my "Daddy" all the more for helping me grow up!!! WOW!!

Thank you for sharing!!

(((HUG)))

Well it has been very

Well it has been very destructive for our marriage and if things don't change soon I know I will be the one too leave. I had wrote another article a few days ago about SD/19 eloping. Well I just found out the reason she has called 4 times today. SD/19 wants daddy to take her to the place they want to have their reception so that daddy can talk to the owners of the building. It's ridiculous! They have already set a date and my DH hasn't even told me yet. The only way I found out was someone I know saw it on Facebook. I honestly don't think I will be going because of how I'm being treated. Let's make that 5 calls now. Why does DH have to take her...why not her and her new hubby.

First I would like to say it

First I would like to say it is great to be able to communicate with others on here that can actually relate or understand what I'm going through. It keeps me sane. I'm also about father/daughter/son bonding. In some situations I think it goes to far and that is when the DH needs to speak up to stop the behavior. For instance yesterday I thought it would be nice for my DH and I to go out to eat so I suggested it, he said sounds good. Well, we got too the restaurant and sat down, order some drinks and who the *&%! walks in SD/19. I feel like I never have one alone moment that is just about my DH and I. Pisses me off!! I didn't say anything and I was praying that my DH didn't invite her to join us. Thank goodness he didn't because I honestly think I would have got up and left!! I feel this behavior is very destructive to my marriage and I wish the DH would put her in her place!