You know...I would just pass it off as "a kid being a kid" if it wasn't constant, AND if I hadn't already had experience with two other children that are proof that kids don't have to be lying, pothead, brats! Lying, being sneaky, finding every way around every rule, blatantly disobeying rules, treating everyone in the house as if they are beneath her and she has no respect for anyone, an already 2 year history of alcohol and pot smoking (yes, this crap started when she was 13), e-cigs...and on, and on, and on! The worst she has gotten for "punishment" was being required to sit in the TV room with us every evening for two weeks...which was more a punishment for me, because we ended up watching what SHE wanted to watch, and I had to listen to constant whining. The whole time, she is sitting in a matter that she is hiding what she is doing...being on the phone and her iPod the whole time. Here everyone thought this behavior would stop when she moved here (everyone except me), but she keeps on with it. BS19 came home a bit ago and showed me the Instagram account where he found the pictures...said the other girl was stupid for following him, because he follows everyone who follows him (he has nothing to hide, and to him, Instagram is just a thing). There is more than just the two pictures he send to DH and me...plenty more...and who knows what is on SD15's Instagram account because you have to follow her to see it (and I will let DH click that button...I don't need that crap in my feed...I only follow my kids and people who have a positive impact in my life). SD15 isn't even supposed to have an Instagram...that is where she posted the famous smoking pictures that got her caught when she skipped school to go smoke...kids at her school saw it during the school day and turned her in! She was forbidden to have an Instagram at that point, and DH has not lifted that rule (point blank asked him about it after I texted him her account name I found).

So, no...this isn't just a kid being a kid! Through BD23, BS19, and various other connections I have (as this is a small town), I know lots of kids/teens. I will say no one is perfect, but SD15's behavior is not the norm!! No, she is out of control because her parents will not do anything to put her in line, and I'm not allow to have any say in anything.

I wonder how difficult it would be to get DH to agree to make SD15 take a drug test? I can almost hear him, "But that would be saying that I don't trust her!" EXACTLY!!! Make it clear that you don't trust her and that you will start watching her every move, and actually do it! What has kept my bios out of most trouble? Them knowing that it was never a matter of IF I would find out, but WHEN! They knew I would find out, just never knew how or when I would. "But I don't want her to fear me!" Um...what keeps people civil? Fear of some sort!! Fear of the police...fear of jail...fear of death...fear of God. If kids are to stay in line, there has to be a reasonable fear...fear that if they do something wrong, something will happen that they don't like! I'm not saying beat your kids...I'm saying lay down some consequences that will have enough of an effect on them to make them not want to do that thing again, or do any other thing that may be seen as equally wrong! Make them actually think about whether or not what they are doing is really worth the consequences that will come down on them!

BM only drinks occasionally, as does DH. I can't speak for BM, but I do know that DH has never drank in front of SD15 (he only drinks if we are on vacation, so he doesn't have to worry about driving since we only do cruises...if we go out on a date, he will not drink so he can drive). I will have the occasional glass of wine, but an open bottle of wine will sit in the fridge (or in my room if it is a red) for months before I finish all of it. If I do have to put it in the fridge, I do watch the bottle level really close because of SD15's history...and since I work from home and avoid leaving her alone at all costs, that is pretty easy.

BM is, on the other hand has been diagnosed as bipolar, and I don't know how that corresponds to any predisposition for addictions. I do see some bipolar tendencies in SD15 sometimes. This is more than experimentation for her, because there have been multiple occurrences.

I just talked to DH on the phone. He immediately started with, "Well, supposedly those pictures were taken two months ago, and she asked her friend to delete them, but apparently she didn't and posted them yesterday." (meaning he has talked to SD15 on the phone) I made it clear to DH that he needed to question that! He said he didn't think she would lie about that, because she was already in trouble for all of it. I pointed out to him that she has been less than truthful about lots of things, and has every reason to lie about it! I pointed out that two months ago she was getting into trouble for all kinds of stuff (the e-cig thing was within the last two months). During the whole e-cig thing, she turned on the water works and told DH she was tired of doing stupid stuff, etc. I told him, if she is really trying to convince him that she turned a new leaf to try to gain trust and is hiding that she is still doing the same crap, and thinks she would get into less trouble by saying the pictures were part of old trouble, then she would surely try to lie about it. I told him, "Look, she isn't stupid, and not as clueless as she would like you to believe!" I flat out told him, "How difficult would it be to call the school and ask them when the dress code violation happened to verify at least that part of the story?" Really...5 minutes of his life? What, is he afraid he will catch her in more lying and doesn't want to face it? Is he afraid he is going to open a can of worms and find out there has been other trouble that she has been hiding?

DH kept insisting that SD15 is still in trouble for the pictures and starting an Instagram when it was forbidden, though I don't know what the consequences of that trouble is...if there are any...or if he is just going to get on her case when he gets home and that will be the end of it. If I had say in the issue? The iPod and tablet would be gone!!! No internet access without supervision! There is a desktop computer that I set up for the kids to use in the TV room that is connected to the printer for homework purposes...she can use that...and ONLY for homework...if she needs to! No more Facebook, no more Instagram, no more SnapChat! And I know that SD15 is using the iPod to get around our texting rules (not after 11 p.m. and not during school)...dropped off too drastically...and I know for a fact there are apps for that (I have one myself for a game I play so we don't give out phone numbers, but you can input phone numbers if you want to to find people)...is DH that dumb? He set the stupid iPod (which is actually an iPhone with the cell service turned off) up for her!

I think in most cases it is denial. I remember when the State legislature here passed a bill that gave the governing body over grade school extracurricular activities the power to perform random drug testing of student athletes. More than 50% of the parents were outraged!!! How dare they test their teens for drugs! They screamed invasion of privacy, and the organization backed down. No drug tests were ever done! I had no problem with it...I want to know if my kid is on drugs! BS19 was also didn't have a problem with it...said, "I have nothing to hide!"

No punishment has been handed down yet! No yelling...so far just a talk. DH said he didn't know what he was going to do with SD15 yet! He asked SD15 what she thought, and her response was simply no Facebook or Instagram for a month! DH asked what I thought...I said her devices should be taken away and NO internet access for at least a month. Doubt he will take my advice.

DH is making it more evident every day that he is an idiot! I mean...SD15 claims the pictures were taken two months ago...that she told her friend to delete them after realizing that they were stupid...but apparently the friend did not delete them and posted them yesterday after SD15 asked her not to? If this were the truth, then why is SD15's account listed under the "likes" on the pictures? I know how Instagram works! This means that SD15 went in and acknowledged full approval of the pictures thinking that DH would never see them!!! It was from the "likes" list that I figured out SD15 had an Instagram account (hmmm....which one of these IDs sounds most like her)! Hello? It's just screaming lie!!!

Why doesn't DH pick up on this? Because he is an idiot!!!!