New Here & Thank You
Hello all. I wanted to write this to not only introduce myself...but to say thanks. I've been reading posts by a lot of you for months now and finally had the courage...or possibly angst...enough to join. Many of you have helped me, by your words and honesty and it's really been a good thing. So, thank you. 
Honestly, I'm sitting here waiting for my soon-to-be SD17 to arrive for the start of another one of her weeks here at the house. My gut feels like it's ready to explode and my mood has been rather blah all day. Fairly typical for me in the past few months.
I am at the point now of seriously wondering if I want to marry into this mess.
To make a really long story as short as possible: STB SS18 lives with BM & Husband #3. SS18 got in a bit of trouble with the law after HS graduation last year and his last resort was to try to rebuild under BM's rules and household. SS18 wanted one week on (@ Dad's) and one week off...but once he turned 18, he had to make a choice on where to live full time. He was going to try it on his own, but once the problems with the law started, he stayed at BM's. This causes issues at times, as he thinks he should be able to stay 1 week with one/one with the other...but those issues are mainly due to his Asperger's...where he becomes fixated on things for certain periods. After months of trying to figure out my place in his world, I settled on another adult in his life that he can lean on if necessary. Nothing more, nothing less. It works well.
As for SD17...oh, boy. This has become a living emotional nightmare. After months in this situation, I have learned that her and her BM enjoy emotionally manipulating and destroying each other for sport; she treats her own brother like a piece of trash that can be disposed of; she is a mega-diva; she manipulates her father (my fiance) like no other; and even though she has outwardly stated to everyone that she likes me....I cannot stand her. I know tonight will end up being another one of her fits (it happens every other Sunday night), where she gets here and storms up the stairs because her and BM had a fight about something or another. She'll then be texting her half the night and eventually end up having BM text my fiance incessantly about "not knowing what to do with her" or "can you explain to her for me". (PS -- They've been divorced for almost 15 years.)
I could really get into all of this...but this post would take years to read. lol. I just wondered if disengaging really helps with teens. I have not done things with her privately as I know BM has severe abilities to keep her own emotions in check and I never wanted to blur any lines. Coming into these children's (almost adults) lives so late in the game, I have tried very hard to keep things in a young-adult perspective. But these feelings I have...the dread...the heartache...the wanting her weeks away to never end...is it normal?
Thanks in advance.
Please consider livng with
Please consider livng with your fiance instead of marrying him. This will give you time to examine the dynamics of the DH / SD relationship. Your fiance should have no problems communicating to SD that she must respect you in your home, and that playing manipulating games will not be tolerated. If he cannot do this reconsider whether you want to marry the man. Twenty years ago I wish someone would have given me this advice. When we first got married I asked nicley if SD, then 16 pick up and fold the blankets that she had dumped on the floor. She pulled a snit, slammed the door in my face. DH blamed me because I was making her 'uncomfortable'. From then on, every accusation the Princess threw out, I was the culprit. The manipulative, sadistic games did not stop until 2 1/2 weeks ago when I endured a hostile verbal attack for making SD and hubby 'uncomfortable' (no specifics), DH running out the door, then pushing me away because he "didn't want to be in the middle." I am trying very hard to work through this but am still extremely hurt with the realization I am so low on DH's list of priorities. I told him they are not allowed in the house anymore so maybe with time things will heal. Still, I ask myself why I continue to be married to this jerk. Take it slow and take a close look.
Thanks for all the comments.
Thanks for all the comments.
I really appreciate the opinions and insight and yes, I am taking it slower now that I did before.
It has been a usual start to the week. Yeah. :sick:
-SD17 gets up late for school and fiance takes her to school. Blames going into school late on headache. Real reason? She stayed up pigging out on soda and junk until 3AM. (She bought it herself. As I now have to lock the pantry to keep her from gorging on food during the late night hours.)
-SD17 comes home from school and promptly storms upstairs, does not speak to anyone. (The usual.) Then comes downstairs and gripes about not having any food in the house. (The usual.)
-SD17 borrows car to go to a school rehearsal. Returns and states that she's carrying an F in Physics and refuses to get her tonsils taken out during school play season. She then blames the F on her teacher and blames her tonsil issues on the Universe.
-SD17 then belches loudly and announces that she's going over to BM's to use her computer to study for Physics. This is turn, means she's bored and is going over there to a) steal something from BM's house or b) start drama.
Now, I hide in my computer screen and in the bedroom. As I know the texts from BM will start any moment and SD17 will come striding in the door and stating how much more awesome she is than everyone else in the world. (Especially her brother, which she seems to find another thing to rag on him about every time they are in the same room together.)
Ack. My life. No wonder I'm starting to watch WWE for mindless escape on Mondays. How odd. lol.
Well said - I agree - Thanks
Well said - I agree - Thanks are in order. It's so good to to w/ people who understand. I made a choice not to have kids of my own. Unfortunately, the man I happened to fall in love w/ is divorced w/ a teenage daughter that lives w/ us full time. After reading some comments, I feel kinda lucky as to the level of stress that the SD19 adds to my relationship w/ my hubby (her BF). We have learned over the years that BM is a pathological liar. So I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that SD19 is a liar as well. That doesn't mean that I have to like it or put up w/ it. Fortunately her dad agrees w/ me and we address it together. I wish you the best. Keep in touch w/ people on here. It's nice to have a place to get others opinions, vent, and see how others might handle similar situations.