Need advice: Boyfriend took stepdaughter out smoking
My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 7years. He has a daughter from a previous marriage who is 14 and together we have two daughters, 4 and 15 months. We have been living together the last 3 years and sd lives in different state so she visits one weekend a month plus holidays and summer. This last weekend visit sd was being rude to our 4 year old daughter so husband rightfully got angry at sd who started crying and went to her bedroom. Boyfriend felt guilty and was checking on her every 5 minutes or so. About 20 minutes after initial argument boyfriend comes out of sd's room saying that she was crying and shaking and needed a cigarette to calm down. Boyfriend and sd then left to buy cigarettes then boyfriend drove around while sd smoked a couple in the car with him. When they got back about 30 minutes later I was pretty upset and my boyfriends response was that lots of people smoke to calm down and that his daughter didn't smoke the whole pack she only had 2 cigarettes. My husband is very insistent on parenting his daughter his way so he doesnt really listen to my opinions on he matter but I feel this was inappropriate to say the least. Neither me or my boyfriend smoke but sds bio mom does which I don't know if that info makes a difference in the way I view the situation vs someone who has experience with smoking. Please let me know your opinions. Is this a normal thing to do when parenting teenagers, am I too conservative like my boyfriend says or was this out of line on my boyfriends part?
Please don't breed any more
Please don't breed any more with this moron.
My dad Bought me cigarettes
My dad Bought me cigarettes at 16. Because he didn't want to try and stop me. I am now much older and wish he would have been a parent and said no.
...dad gave me a cig at 10
...dad gave me a cig at 10 years old. Disgusting. Never touched one again. That was a lesson I won't forget.
This is a tough topic, much like alcohol I'm on the fence about parents who facilitate. If they have been told all the bad things associated with it, and still want to do it, I wouldn't stop them because at a certain point, people make their own choices for better or worse. It's a weird one for sure. Can't really help you on this one, sorry. =/
His parenting method isn't
His parenting method isn't only enabling a nasty habit that may end up costing her her life, but it's also teaching her that he has no respect for the laws & that she doesn't have to respect the laws. Enabling such an attitude is what paves the path to prison cells for many people.
Now it's underage smoking, which can very well lead to underage drinking, which can open the doors to experimenting with illegal drugs, which can lead to theft, murder, etc.
Again, I realize right now it's a cigarette, but raising her with the attitude that it's okay to break the law could very well lead to bigger problems.
He's doing her no favors in teaching her to use cigarettes as a crutch to relax.
Nothing like the gift of lung cancer from a parent to his child. He sounds like an idiot.
All I can say is .... I
All I can say is .... :jawdrop:
I would be scared with him being the father of my kids!! Sorry
If you don't have any say in
If you don't have any say in how he raises his daughter, what will be your say with the kids you have together? Have you had this discussion?
Bummer a police officer did
Bummer a police officer did not see them driving around. Depending on your state, I can spot at least 3 major laws he broke and again, depending on your state, Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor is a felony.
Has SD gone home yet? She
Has SD gone home yet? She might tell BM about this, and BM could definitely use it against him in court.
Also, I agree with the others- please don't have any more kids with this guy. If anything, run away as fast as your legs can carry you. If this is how he "parents" SD, there's no guarantee that he won't use these same "parenting" techniques on your kids.
I think you already know the
I think you already know the answer to this question. Why do you doubt your own instinct? Would you let your 4 year old have a cigarette? Do you think that when your kid turns 14 that you'll be comfortable with that same behavior?
Stop second guessing yourself!!
I mean.. hey maybe she needs to smoke some crack to calm down next? Is he gonna run out and buy her some?
I know you don't want to hear this...but it's not going to change. He is not going to change and this whole sd entitlement thing is only going to get worse. You need to think about what your future looks like and that of your children.
Just the fact that he bought
Just the fact that he bought into her poor me panic attack after being sent to her room is disturbing. It's not like he beat the kid with a belt and she's having a nervious breakdown. She was sent to her room for being an ass.