Is this kid on drugs? Seriously - that behavior is out of control. I would not let her within shouting distance of my home.

My advise is to tell Dad that he should let her go into what in the States we call Foster Care. She lives with people who supervise her. Sometimes its in a Group Home which is a bunch of kids, perhaps a half dozen or more with a paid 24 hour adult living there also at all times. Perhaps that's what you mean by "into care". Let the kid get a taste of how the world doesn't put up with bullshit and hopefully if she is on drugs it'll come out and/or her supply will dry up.

Then at the end of the school year, beginning of summer, the three of you, Daddy, you and the kid can get together and see if its feasible, if she's learned enough, to come back for a last chance. If she ends up in the hands of the police again instruct them to not bring her around. Sometimes they can't be saved.

I would never ever ever allow my child to go to a group home or enter foster care. Group homes house even worse kids than her, and she will come out worse than she went in. I know a family who did this decades ago and their son ended up killing two people and spending the rest of his life in jail. Everything went downhill after the group home (which he went to because the parents gave up and wanted to teach him a lesson).

What about some kind of behavioral center? Boarding school, camp for troubled teens? I know that money is always an issue but where there is a will there is a way. Have you looked into things like that where you are?

Your kids are being sacrificed for selfish, self centered SD. No words of wisdom, just shame on her!!!

just.his.wife is a regular poster here, I don't know if her blogs are still up, but there was an incident a year or two ago with her older SD physically assaulting the younger SD resulting in the older SD having to live elsewhere for quite some time. That family has had more than their share of drama but seem to have weathered it very well.

Just my two cents....

Yes, this child should go into care...but not the foster care. She should be in some type of rehab facility. It sounds like this girl may have some drug and anger issues, and if she truly has had this hard of a life, no less than 6 months in rehab could do her a heck of good! In a facility that has teen programs, she would be able to continue with her education, while being supervised by people who are trained to handle troubled teens. She will get one on one counseling, as well as group sessions to talk about her feelings...about those things that have brought her to this point. They can help equip her to handle life. Problem is, just staying with DH in another house...sure, DH love her, but he is being forced to neglect the rest of his family and focus only on her! Unless he works from home, he can't be with her 24/7, and that leaves the door open for her to hang out with people that will help her do drugs, drink, etc....and peers are terrible about reinforcing the bad behaviors instead of the good (just look all over the internet for support teens can find from peers FOR such things as cutting, eating disorders, etc.). This girl is out of control, and needs to be dealt with by professionals, in an environment that will remove her from the elements, so to speak.

At the same time, BM should be ordered to anger management and parenting classes, as it seems their emotions feed off of each other, and if one is getting treatment for it, the other should as well.

I am so happy to read that DH wised up and is looking at ways to get this resolved. Once she's 18, you can't control many aspects of her life and you're stuck with what she's willing to do to resolve the issue.

Make sure he realizes that he's got a narrow window where he can do this and if he backs out now, he'll end up with a kid he can't do anything to help once she's legal age.