I've spent the last hour reading everyone elses stories and I realise I am not alone in the dark thoughts that I have been experiencing, and feel brave enough now to open up and share my story. I fancied my bf for years as we worked in the same office, and finally while drunk I told him how I felt. I knew he had two children from a previous marriage, and I knew that for me it wasn't ideal, but I fancied him so much I just didn't care. We had 3 months of amazing dates when I fell accidentally pregnant. I was 28 and didn't want children yet, but I was in love and I didn't want to not go through with it.

So within a few months everything changed so quickly. I met his 2 daughters, then aged 8 and 10, and straight away moved in with them so we could be living together when the baby was born. It wasn't long before I started to realise what I had let myself in for. The first 3 months had been just about us, we only saw each other for half of the week as the other half he had the girls over, and that seemed to work perfectly as I then had half of the week to myself.

I honestly didn't expect to start feeling the way I did so quickly. I felt like an outsider in my own home, they had a certain way of doing things and as there were 3 of them and only one of me, they had the majority rule. I felt like I was on the outside of a close family looking in. They would all three cuddle up on one sofa, and I would sit, big and pregnant, on my own on the other. We would go out for a walk and they would be holding each of his hands, and I would be walking behind, feeling like a fool. When my bf did make the effort to include me, they would walk in front of my feet or slip in between us so they would be next to him instead, and after a while i started to give up and just let them have all the affection they wanted from their daddy.

But the problem was I soon started to resent them for this, for making me feel pushed out, and I felt jealous of all the affection they were getting, as I was feeling lots of apprehension about becoming a mother, and desperately wanted his support.

The final straw was after I had my beautiful baby boy, and I had a long and difficult birth ending in an emergency caesarean. I had already asked him if he could arrange with their mother for her to have them stay at hers for 2 weeks following the birth and they could just visit during the day so that I could have some time and privacy to adjust to becoming a mum and breastfeeding etc. At this point I had still only known them for about 5 months and didn't feel comfortable around them yet. But when I was going into labour I found out he still hadn't asked her and he just told me not to worry. So just over a week after our son was born he asked if they could stay for the weekend. I protested and asked if they could carry on visiting during the day but he just called me selfish and said he didn't want to push them away. So I relented and had to put up with the extra stress it caused me.

Also, he gave the older daughter a key to our house for the first time without me knowing, and while I was shuffling across the landing naked with big cracked nipples, a raw wound from the caesarean just days before and a big saggy post birth belly, the daughter just sauntered into the house without knocking and my heart skipped a beat, who could that be just walking into our house?! he said oh don't worry, i've given my daughter a key. i was furious, shouldn't he have asked me first, or at least let me know??! he just said i was overreacting and that it was her house too so she should be allowed to come and go as she pleased. i felt so unsupported and whenever i brought anything up to do with his daughters he would just get defensive and we'd end up arguing.

It was nearly a year later that he finally admitted he put their needs over mine even though i was having a really hard time because he was so used to it being just him and them. We went on like this for months, both so tired from the sleepless nights, and it just made the arguing worse. Somehow throughout all of this we managed to hide this from his daughters whenever they were at our house, and I managed to gradually build a realtionship with them, which I would say now is pretty good. They are now 11 and 13, and are mostly good, despite occasionally being moody and rude, but I guess all teenagers are sometimes.

The main problem I seem to have now is my jealousy. My bf has a very close affectionate relationship with his daughters, and I feel they are of an age now when a lot of what they do is inappropriate. He treats them like adults when they want to have sleepovers and stay up til 2am, or be allowed the freedom to come and go as they please, but whenever they sit on his lap at a restaurant, or lie on top of him on the sofa, he says it's fine, they're just children. He'll sit there stroking the older one's hair or foot, with the other one sitting on his lap and I sometimes feel so sick I have to leave the room. I can't even work out if I think it's inappropriate or if I'm just jealous. To me, as they aren't biologically mine, while I know in my head they are his children, in my heart it feels as though they are other women and I get so jealous, it looks so wrong to me that he should be that intimate with anyone other than me, and now that they have reached puberty and they are developing it makes it even worse.

On another note, I have really begun noticing how territorial they are over their father. It's fine if we're all playing or chatting together, but if my bf and I then hold hands or hug each other, they are instantly there, cuddling up to him and pushing me out of the way. I guess they are just insecure seeing their daddy with another woman who isn't their mummy but it makes me feel so pushed out and excluded. And my bf just doesn't see it, he think it's cute that they just want to be included, and doesn't notice that they're actually pushing me away from him.

It's not all bad, I get on really well with them and they seem to really like me, and they adore their younger brother, so I know I shoud be grateful, but these feelings of jealousy and exclusion are making me really unhappy, and when I confide in my partner we just end up arguing as he thinks i'm being childish and immature and can't understand how I could be jealous of his children. I don't know what to do, I love my partner and I don't want to lose him, but this is really coming between us and I can't see it getting any better. He doesn't feel he should have to change his behaviour with them, only when they start to feel uncomfortable will he start to change, but I feel in some way they are competing with me and I worry that because of that they will always want to be physically closer to him than i feel is appropriate for their age.

I would be very grateful for any comments, suggestions, advice!