Is it possible to have a relationship...
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...without having a relationship with the SD?
How many of you are in a relationship, but have completely disengaged with their SD?
If not, do you think it's possible?
6 years I've been in this relationship, first 3 years with the SD was amazing, the last 2 completely distant (her doing - for no reason - shes 15). She recently singled me out which was the final straw. Basically heavily passive aggressive. It is worth sacking off my whole relationship or do I finally just say, f##k her, im sticking around whether she likes it or not.
Historically I am definitely one to say toxic SKids can F-off.
However, if your mate is spineless and does not keep their toxic failed family baggage under control the root cause of the proplem may not be the SKid and is likely the failed parent you married.
You are likely 3yrs from the SKid reaching the age of majority at which point they are no longer a responsibility nor do they have to be tolerated. Until then firmly define the standards of behavior and standards of performance you require of minor children in your home/family/marriage and make her life a living hell if she violates those standards. If the mommy/daddy who is your SO has a problem with how you parent and discipline make sure you give them the clear message that they can step up and get it done before you have to or they can SFTU and have your back until the two of you can discuss it in private.
IMHO of course.
Take care of you.
BF has no back bone.
It's true, boyfriend has no back bone. Her antics weren't in front of us, or even in our presence, but trying to get BF to see the passive aggressive stunt was a bit of a mission. He's never been confrontational his whole life, so this isn't new, but trying to get him to see what is happening was quite a mission, because he doesn't know what to say. I moved 200 miles to be here, going back is not an option for me, but him seeing what his DD is doing to me he is slowly seeing after I absolutely explained the passive aggressive stunt she played, which he can now see, but it is how he deals with it now, is the important bit, I think he had a shock of his life when I told him a few home truths last night which will result in me disappearing if he doesn't grow a backbone and end up a lonely old man if he allows his brat to control his lovelife while she continue to accept her mum being in a relationship.
It's not like we see her very often as she doesn't come over as often, but it's morally wierd being in a relationship where you feel you don't fit into the family dynamic anymore because the brat has issues with me than myself nor my BF understand where they came from. He will be addressing this with her.
It's always been difficult
It's always been difficult relating to my 2 SDs, but became impossible 3 yrs ago and I have been estranged from SD29 since then. My marriage almost broke down completely because I told DH I wasn't willing to see her any more, although I offered to vacate our home while she visited him. He now sees her elsewhere and we're back on track in our relationship. As far as the future goes, I don't know. I don't think I will want to go back to socialising with her, she has borderline personality disorder. I think you need to be strong and do what is right for you.
All i want is for my BF to
All i want is for my BF to grow a back bone. I've decided I'm going to tell him about this forum later and read the replies to him. He needs to hear what other people are saying about him being the problem, and not just me telling him. I'm not bothered whether I have a relationship with her or not anymore, but I just want him to stick up for me, support me and have my corner. I think he's too afraid to confront incase she stops coming over altogether, but I've said that a her issue, not you.
Me too, I said I would leave
Me too, I said I would leave the house if he invited her to stay here. We'll, that didn't work. He told me to go ahead and go see my mother. Now, this visit is this Sunday and I'm dreading it. I think I should leave just so he knows I'm serious. However, I am just so pissed that he continously chooses to put everyone's (his family) feelings before mine. Been working through his infidelity for years and his behavior just amplifies the betrayal.
The answer to your question is
BF needs to grow a backbone, put his DD in her place. She doesn't have to like you but must respect you, the home, the family. You must co exist until SD gets out