Hi all,

I just joined this group today.  It’s been really helpful to know I’m not alone in how I’m feeling.  I have spent the last 24 hours moping around the house because my step son is returning home from summer holiday’s visiting his Mom for 2 glorious months. 

My ss really is not a bad kid.  He is not the sharpest tool in the shed but he is not mean or purposely nasty.  What drives me crazy is how needy he is.  He can’t do much for himself and at 16years old he still needs to be kept on a schedule and told to follow it because he will not do homework, go to bed, remember appointments etc... if I don’t remind him.  He has been told 500 times to put the toilette seat down but just can’t remember and everything else I ask him to do is never done, bring your keys when you go out, put your dishes in the dish washer, put your shoes in the shoe rack and not directly in front of the door...  He has no friends and leaves the house only to go to school and comes home as soon as school is done.  He just plays video games all day or watches anime and talks to the characters on the shows.  It really is kinda sad but he resents any offers that I have given him to join sports clubs or social groups and he will not do anything by himeself...ever!  I have a bs who is the exact polar opposite, very independant, very social and very responsible and I made sure to always support my son and help him grow in that direction.  I feel like I now need to start all over again with my ss. It is putting alot of strain on my relationship with my husband because my husband is very layed back and feels like my expectations are too high and I should just leave it alone, tidy up after him and not say anything.  This is definately not how I raised my own son and no one living under my roof is going to be messy and inconsiderate without me saying anything about it!  

My ss used to just visit us for a month or so 2 times per year but 2 years ago he started living with us full time and seeing his mother once a year for the summer.  However, this will probably be the last year he visits his mother as he has said he wants to get a job next year...I seriously doubt that is going to happen and I expect he will just sit around the house and play video games and watch kiddie shows the entire summer while I cook and clean up after him urrgggghhh! The thought makes me so angry.

I don’t know what to do I really wish my ss would just go back and live with his mother because she is probably much better at dealing with his laziness and lack of consideration.  The other issue is that my ss is gay and my husband beleives that it is not true so he ignore that whole issue.  I have tried to talk to my husband about it but it always ends the same way, with my husband saying that it is just a phase and he will grow out of it.  In the meantime my ss is desperate to meet a boy and become romantically involved but he is trying to do this with every boy he meets forgetting that most boys in his school are not gay...I believe he almost got in a fight over this last year in school when he asked a boy out that was not gay...he seems to have no understanding of how to behave socially.  

I had a huge blow up with my husband today and he has promised that he will be more involved and let me disengage more but I imagine that he will for a short time and then stop paying attention as he has done in the past.  We discussed separating over this today and at this point I am at my wits end and think that if he doesn’t step up this time I’m not sure I can take anymore.

Please cross your fingers for me:). Thanks for any advice you give...really appreciate it.