We are in a complicated situation. From the beginning. Me and my husband have been married for 12 years. We have a 8 year old son together. My SD is 13 and when she was younger her mother kept her from us, told us to leave them alone, not to call again. So that is what we did. They were never married and he's not on the birth certificate. ( Her choice, not his) . So when she turns 11 they contact us, and were trying to learn her and she us, this was 3 yrs ago. AT the time that she came into our lives I was a caregiver for my granny with Alzhiemers, I had been doing that for 5 yrs. Everything was fine for awhile, until after my granny passed. Except for my husband pushing us to the side ( me and our son) just for her, because she didn't want us in their way. So we argued about that. And then when my granny passed and we actually had time to spend together, she still acted like that. She called a couple weeks ago wanting to come over and my husband told her no, because our son was spending the night with a friend and we were going to have time together, no kids. She then calls that saturday asking when he was going to get her, and he told her he wasn't, and now she is lying saying that he promised, and I know for a fact that he didn't. She hung up the phone on him when he told her that he didn't tell her that. He then calls a few days later and asks her if she's still mad and she wants to act all bratty. He was going to see if she was coming this past weekend, and she was adamit that he said what he didn't say. And she told him to call her when he missed her, needless to say that pissed him off. On top of that she is going to her mothers, ( who is bi polar and paranoid schizaphrenic) and tells her that she hates me ( never acts like she hates me when she's here) and that she can't spend time with her daddy because I am always stuck up his butt. Which is not true. He spends more time with her than he does me or our son. So her mom calls last night and tells him that he just needs to let it go and not say anything to her about any of that. He is so torn. He is mad about the whole situation. I told him he needs to let her know what is expected of her and that we are a family. Not just him and her or my and our son. Any advice on this situation would be most helpful. I am at a loss as to what to do. When she has a temper tantrum over there if she lets it go long enough she gets her way. I don't let my son do that, and I don't think that she should be able to do that here. His biggest fear has always been that if she need to be gotten on to that she had somewhere else to run. Sorry it is so long, and I am sure I have left some things out, but I am at my witts end.