Looks like SS16 is finally going to PAS out. No big surprise there, we have been expecting it. How long before I can convert his room? We really could use the space.
I think 3 more months sounds good, that's 6 months. That's a long time for him to not come over, change his mind, and think that everything will be the same.
And if he decides to come back over, you deal with it at that time. It's not like you are moving and will have no room for him to sleep.
In my case, my SD's bedroom was set up as such that it was not just her bedroom. It was a spare bedroom/TV room (but we didn't really use it) so nothing really changed when she stopped coming over.
Except that my niece claimed it as HER bedroom. Which was funny because after SD stopped coming over for many months, she came back for a few weekends (before stopping for good) and my niece (about 3 at the time) told SD, "You can use my room but don't touch my stuff."
Waited a year and then suddenly DH did it to move my SS in that room. It was a shrine to the day she left. We gave it all away except a couple of boxes in the attic.
I just want a nice guest room/office. And, I hate having a messy room anywhere in the house so that's a big motivation as well. I have disengaged so I refuse to clean SS's room unless it is the last time.
Are y'all going to hate me if I say have 7 bedrooms AND an office }:)
We have 3 spare rooms at the moment.... Well one is the kids play room, one is a guest room and the other has the remnants of ex-OH and the skids stuff in it...
I think 6 months is more than reasonable for a skid that is still young enough for visitation to be an option but they are PAS'd or just busy getting on with their lives. If it were my bio moving out, hell the next bloody day LOL
When dd22 moved out last August I was painting her room and preparing for dd12 to move into it the next day.
(she has just moved back home, she only moved out because of the sd stealing issue)
I'm trying to figure out how to present to DH that we need to do something about HHB's room. Talking to a friend the other day, I think I know how to approach it! "Pest" season is coming up. There is a lot of trash in HHB's room still, and piles upon piles of clothing. I'm thinking of mentioning to DH that if HHB is not going to come do anything about it, we need to go in there (with gloves and masks of course...I don't have biohazard suits) to get rid of the trash and box up the clothes. Why? Because ants LOVE piles of unwashed clothing, and I'm not about to do all that laundry! I will suggest to DH that once it is boxed up, he can drop it at BM's so that HHB can go through it and decide what she wants to keep and what to throw away. They have a garage...we don't. I think if I approach it from the angle of our usual summer pests (ants, spiders...which DH HATES, and scorpions), that he will be more willing to do something about that room! It will be baby steps...maybe as we are boxing up all the clothing and getting rid of the trash, DH will decide that all of HHB's other stuff should be taken to her, because maybe she will want it.
Any way you can find a colony of ants from outside and put them in a pile of clothes? Show DH that the infestation has already started! Doesn't have to be a ton of ants, but maybe a dozen or so in her t-shirts and undergarments! I bet that would make him move! LOL
Found a huge ant mount in the yard yesterday...not far from HHB's window! Brought up that room needs to be cleaned out before they start coming in again. That door is now open...so think I will just start boxing stuff up. If he says anything, I will rmind him we discussed the room needing to be cleaned to prevent unwanted pests!
}:) Ha! Purging the Skid from the home. A classic topic for Sparents.
Our first house was 3br. It was just DW, the Skid, and me. We had the 3rd br set up as a guest room/office. It had a day/trundle bed in it that we kept set up as a sofa until we had guests. Most of the time it was our study.
The next house ...... 6br 3.5ba. Still just the three of us. We had rooms to spare. One was a study/office. One was a nice guest room, one was an excercise room, the Skid had a room, we had a room, and the 6th room ... that was THE TOWER!!! Mwaaa, haaa, haaa, haaaaaaa! }:)
THE TOWER!!! Mwaaa, haaa, haaa, haaaaa! }:) was an otherwise empty room with an antique wooden side arm writing desk in the middle of it with a writing tablet, a #2 pencil, and a pencil sharpener. That was where the Skid was when it was discipline time. Once he was old enough to read and write he spent countless hours in .... THE TOWER!!! Mwaaaa, haaa, haaa, haaaaaa! }:) .... writing tens of thousands of sentences. Mwaaa, haaa, haaa, haaaaa! }:)
After we sold that house and relocated for work we lived in a 2br apt for a couple of years, a 3br apt for a year, and then a 3br town house with a 3rd floor game room for a couple of years. Except during the 2br apt years we had enough rooms for at least a guest room/study. We never really had to clean out the Skid's room when he was off at boarding school or once he enlisted.
When we lived in the 2br apt the Skid's room was also the guest room. When we had overnight visitors the kid moved into our MBR huge walk in closet. We had an Aerobed that we would put in there, put a bedside table and a lamp in there for him. It worked fine. Our MBR closet had a heat/AC vent in it so he was comfortable, our guests were comfortable, etc... In that apt we had a very small half walled space (4ftX5ft)between the LR and the MBR that we used as our home office space.
We have been pretty fortunate on our housing as far as rooms and being able to not worry about purging the Skid. Except for the years in the 2br apt.
My parents are struggling with this same thing with my 21yo niece who has been living with them during her Jr. year of college. She is a pig. She does her laundry but piles everything all over her room.
She wants to stay living with my parents but my brother is forcing her to move to an apartment because he does not want to jeopardize family relationships as my SIL thinks my parents are too hard on my niece and my brother knows that his pig daughter is driving our parents insane with her nasty pig living standards.
I think 3 more months sounds
I think 3 more months sounds good, that's 6 months. That's a long time for him to not come over, change his mind, and think that everything will be the same.
And if he decides to come back over, you deal with it at that time. It's not like you are moving and will have no room for him to sleep.
Tog, I would go ahead if I
Tog, I would go ahead if I were you! You both need closure. You have been through way too much.
It has been 2 months. I really don't see him coming back. I hope he sees the truth as an adult, but really have no hope anymore.
In my case, my SD's bedroom
In my case, my SD's bedroom was set up as such that it was not just her bedroom. It was a spare bedroom/TV room (but we didn't really use it) so nothing really changed when she stopped coming over.
Except that my niece claimed it as HER bedroom. Which was funny because after SD stopped coming over for many months, she came back for a few weekends (before stopping for good) and my niece (about 3 at the time) told SD, "You can use my room but don't touch my stuff."
lol cute
lol cute
Waited a year and then
Waited a year and then suddenly DH did it to move my SS in that room. It was a shrine to the day she left. We gave it all away except a couple of boxes in the attic.
I just want a nice guest
I just want a nice guest room/office. And, I hate having a messy room anywhere in the house so that's a big motivation as well. I have disengaged so I refuse to clean SS's room unless it is the last time.
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for? :?
No reason to wait.
No reason to wait.
Are y'all going to hate me if
Are y'all going to hate me if I say have 7 bedrooms AND an office
}:)
We have 3 spare rooms at the moment.... Well one is the kids play room, one is a guest room and the other has the remnants of ex-OH and the skids stuff in it...
I think 6 months is more than reasonable for a skid that is still young enough for visitation to be an option but they are PAS'd or just busy getting on with their lives. If it were my bio moving out, hell the next bloody day LOL
When dd22 moved out last August I was painting her room and preparing for dd12 to move into it the next day.
(she has just moved back home, she only moved out because of the sd stealing issue)
If he was my kid it would
If he was my kid it would have been done after a month, but you know with precious skids we have to worry about their fee fee's!
I'm trying to figure out how
I'm trying to figure out how to present to DH that we need to do something about HHB's room. Talking to a friend the other day, I think I know how to approach it! "Pest" season is coming up. There is a lot of trash in HHB's room still, and piles upon piles of clothing. I'm thinking of mentioning to DH that if HHB is not going to come do anything about it, we need to go in there (with gloves and masks of course...I don't have biohazard suits) to get rid of the trash and box up the clothes. Why? Because ants LOVE piles of unwashed clothing, and I'm not about to do all that laundry! I will suggest to DH that once it is boxed up, he can drop it at BM's so that HHB can go through it and decide what she wants to keep and what to throw away. They have a garage...we don't. I think if I approach it from the angle of our usual summer pests (ants, spiders...which DH HATES, and scorpions), that he will be more willing to do something about that room! It will be baby steps...maybe as we are boxing up all the clothing and getting rid of the trash, DH will decide that all of HHB's other stuff should be taken to her, because maybe she will want it.
Any way you can find a colony
Any way you can find a colony of ants from outside and put them in a pile of clothes? Show DH that the infestation has already started! Doesn't have to be a ton of ants, but maybe a dozen or so in her t-shirts and undergarments! I bet that would make him move! LOL
~ Moon
Found a huge ant mount in the
Found a huge ant mount in the yard yesterday...not far from HHB's window! Brought up that room needs to be cleaned out before they start coming in again. That door is now open...so think I will just start boxing stuff up. If he says anything, I will rmind him we discussed the room needing to be cleaned to prevent unwanted pests!
I told DH if SS doesn't come
I told DH if SS doesn't come in the next 2 weeks I am boxing up and cleaning it out. He completely agreed. We need the space and SS is a jerk.
Ha! Purging the Skid from the
}:) Ha! Purging the Skid from the home. A classic topic for Sparents.
Our first house was 3br. It was just DW, the Skid, and me. We had the 3rd br set up as a guest room/office. It had a day/trundle bed in it that we kept set up as a sofa until we had guests. Most of the time it was our study.
The next house ...... 6br 3.5ba. Still just the three of us. We had rooms to spare. One was a study/office. One was a nice guest room, one was an excercise room, the Skid had a room, we had a room, and the 6th room ... that was THE TOWER!!! Mwaaa, haaa, haaa, haaaaaaa! }:)
THE TOWER!!! Mwaaa, haaa, haaa, haaaaa! }:) was an otherwise empty room with an antique wooden side arm writing desk in the middle of it with a writing tablet, a #2 pencil, and a pencil sharpener. That was where the Skid was when it was discipline time. Once he was old enough to read and write he spent countless hours in .... THE TOWER!!! Mwaaaa, haaa, haaa, haaaaaa! }:) .... writing tens of thousands of sentences. Mwaaa, haaa, haaa, haaaaa! }:)
After we sold that house and relocated for work we lived in a 2br apt for a couple of years, a 3br apt for a year, and then a 3br town house with a 3rd floor game room for a couple of years. Except during the 2br apt years we had enough rooms for at least a guest room/study. We never really had to clean out the Skid's room when he was off at boarding school or once he enlisted.
When we lived in the 2br apt the Skid's room was also the guest room. When we had overnight visitors the kid moved into our MBR huge walk in closet. We had an Aerobed that we would put in there, put a bedside table and a lamp in there for him. It worked fine. Our MBR closet had a heat/AC vent in it so he was comfortable, our guests were comfortable, etc... In that apt we had a very small half walled space (4ftX5ft)between the LR and the MBR that we used as our home office space.
We have been pretty fortunate on our housing as far as rooms and being able to not worry about purging the Skid. Except for the years in the 2br apt.
My parents are struggling
My parents are struggling with this same thing with my 21yo niece who has been living with them during her Jr. year of college. She is a pig. She does her laundry but piles everything all over her room.
She wants to stay living with my parents but my brother is forcing her to move to an apartment because he does not want to jeopardize family relationships as my SIL thinks my parents are too hard on my niece and my brother knows that his pig daughter is driving our parents insane with her nasty pig living standards.