Help with future SD
Re-posted from my blog: I am engaged to a wonderful woman. She has a 17 year old daughter that has major issues. The daugher has been in rehab due to meth addiction. This has seem to work at least for Meth. Although, We have found her with pills. Plus, she likes to drink. She is also on probabtion for drug possesion. The daughter has major anger issues and disrespect for myself and her mom. She is also under psychiatric care. I am perplexed and dont know what to do. I have very bad case of cold feet and dont want to set a wedding date. The daughter did like me in the beginning and has done a 360 on me. She cusses me and yells at me. I would love to hear what others think of this situation. I dont want to give up on Mom and I am hoping with time this will improve.
I would trust your cold feet.
I would trust your cold feet. Put your wedding on hold for the moment and see how things develop. You don't say what your living situation is - whether you are living with your fiancee. If not, don't move in yet. I hate to be pessimistic, but it is unlikely that this girl will suddenly change her opinion of you for the better. Things are more likely to get worse.
We are not living together
We are not living together but considering it. I have been putting this topic off. One thing that bothers me is that my SO doesnt understand why I dont want to move forward. She figures that since we are in love that everything will be ok. I am so glad that I found this website and others like me. I have been at witts end for evry long time and I am exhausted. There are days that I wish that I never met her but this is temporary and usually when I have a bad day with SD.
Thank you for the comments. I
Thank you for the comments. I am just trying to figure out what to do. I have a question: if the people on here thta have bad SD/SS could do it all over again, would they marry the spouse?
I'd start a new Thread for
I'd start a new Thread for this.
Getting married will not make
Getting married will not make everything OK and in all probability it will set her off for real. Do not marry until you're feet warm up. In fact wait until they're hot. That will take quite awhile. Don't move in either until this kid is independent which may not happen for years.
You need to step back and wait for this to work itself out and then only if you're willing to have this kid boomarang back as she falls and picks herself up time and again.
Meth by its various names (speed, crank, ice, crystal et al) is very difficult to get off of so don't assume she's in the clear with this drug. Right now she's medicating herself which is helping her forget it but if she tries to get off the other drugs or they become hard or expensive to get she will likely fall right back. Meth is locally made from chemicals. I.e. not smuggled over a border so its relatively cheap to buy making it a popular choice. It's spread across the U.S. bringing drug problems to even small towns its so easy to make and sell.
She will stop using in her forties one way or another. She gets sick and tired of being sick and tried or it kills her. Almost all meth users go out one of those two ways. Like all addictions she'll have to hit bottom and it sounds like she has a ways to fall.
Bottom line - stay out of this and frankly you may never marry this woman.
I appreciate your comments.
I appreciate your comments. This is what I have in my head at the moment but it is hard. I love this woman and we have a great bond which was created before all this mess. I understand about Meth. I have learned so much about it. More than I ever wanted to know. I care for the kid and dont want to see bad things happen to her. I just dont know what can be doen for her. She has major anger issues (sometimes physically threatening) and this drug problem. I am just inexperienced with dealing with such a problem. I know that I dont want to live with somone like this. Any advice on help for this situation?
There is not really any
There is not really any advice to give - other than what has already been given. This girl has major problems and you say is receiving psychiatric care. There is not a lot you can do to help the situation, other than support your SO. If family therapy is an option - this is often helpful to addicts - if your SO is willing to give it a go. Good luck, whatever you decide.