Help....
Forums:
I am a step parent that is completely lost to this new way of life. I go to bed at night because of these kids and cry myself to sleep more time than I would like. My oldest is so confused and I don't know how to help him. I feel so lost and confused....
I don't want to put full details, but any advice is welcome.
His parents are separated and
His parents are separated and he uses that as his crutches to act out. When he's with his dad and I, he's one way and then he goes back down to his mom's and he is completely different. I honestly don't know if anyone really knows this kid because of how two faced he can be when it comes to making his mom happy.
His mother's family spoils him rotten so he wants to be there with no structure or rules abd have everything handed to him. He's been there for almost a week and he's like a completely different person. Treating his dad like crap and everything. I think its because his mother is bullying him, but I have no proof because his word isn't proof enough....
And dad is calling him on is
And dad is calling him on is shitty behavior. Right?
Yes but he will basically
Yes but he will basically just change his tune in order to get whatever it is that he wants. He'll also say whatever he thinks his parents want to hear instead of being himself.
We had one of those as well.
We had one of those as well. When he was a kid my SS-27 would say what he thought whoever he was speaking with wanted to hear. His case of good news BS-itis was so advanced that he would answer a question before it was even finished being asked.
So, I learned to not ask him questions. because invariably his answer was nothing but crap.
Instead of "Have you finished your homework?" I would instead say "Show me the homework you have finished." that did not give him a chance to lie.
It took a few years for him to catch on to what his mom and I were doing but it worked like a champ. We also make the consequences for lying so heinous that he would avoid lying. So, we helped him by tempering our interface with him to minimize the opportunity for him to tell us what he thought we wanted to hear and we made the consequences for lying so drastic that he learned to just tell the truth even if he thought the truth would get him in trouble.
It has come to light that it
It has come to light that it wasn't his fault. He's so confused because of his mother. He THINKS he's right because of her and it's heartbreaking. Let's just say he saw the light where she was concerned last night. Lol.
And there is the biggest
And there is the biggest mistake of all. "It has come to light that it wasn't his fault." Yes, it is his fault. He perpetrates the behavior. It is his fault.
Period.
The solution is zero tolarance for the behavior and to apply consequences each and every time these behaviors are his choice.
Again... PERIOD!