Is he flunking to get sent back to BM?
SS14 has been with us for three years. He's done well in school the entire time. The schools here are excellent, unlike the schools in BM's area, and BM agrees. During his last summer visit for six weeks with BM in another state, he was completely showered with gifts from BM's family, didn't have a single chore, and was served any fast food meal he wanted at any time. When he returned, he told BM he wanted to move back to her home. I would, too, if I got that treatment! DH and BM both told him he has better opportunities here.
Fast forward to the second grading period of the current school year. Current averages include a C in one class, a D in another, and an F in another.
So I'm wondering: Is he trying to get sent back to BM by showing us he can't succeed here? It's a public school in the same district he's been in for three years (this is his 4th yr), so I don't see how it could be the school.
He is lazy...Unless you are
He is lazy...Unless you are on top of him with his homework and his grades, they will slack off. All kids do it. You just have to be dilligent. My SS is like this, but now DH goes through every homework assignment with him and checks his grades online daily and in 6 weeks we have him at all B's and an A...It truly is up to the parents to stay on top of them.
This is hard to say. Maybe? I
This is hard to say. Maybe? I can tell you that a lot of things can happen during those teen years and some kids just stop caring about school. Straight A's to D's. Friends become a priority or general moodiness. When SD was confronted about her grades, she just kept saying "I don't know why". The reason if you take a step back and look, She was focused on texting and facebooking with her friends, she was lazy and just didn't want to do homework.
It could be many reasons. Try to take a step back and look at what he's really doing. Are his grades from just not turning in homework? Is he not understanding the material? Then try to get at the heart of why. How is he spending his time?
What makes him think that if he got bad grades that his mom would even let him? From your post, she supports this school.
Many kids hit a few bumps
Many kids hit a few bumps when they start hs. The work is harder and teachers aren't so quick to extend due dates.
It takes awhile for some to adjust.
Thanks everyone. Perhaps I
Thanks everyone. Perhaps I was reading too much into it. Yes, he started high school this year. We've taken away the iPod, computer, phone, and free time, and he's still getting F's and D's. If he gets an F on a report card, he can't play his sport per district rules. Even THAT doesn't seem to motivate him. Laziness has gotten him a C before, but FAILING?
Relevent to stepparenting, DH doesn't seem to think taking away TV time is necessary. He says he 'feels bad if he's constantly on his @ss'. I happen to think that's exactly what he needs right now.
If I didn't care about my SS, I would let him fail and save money on the sports gear and not spend my weekends driving all over the city for games and tournaments. But I DO care. Should I just let DH handle it his way????
Let DH handle it. Wash your
Let DH handle it. Wash your hands of it. SS's school problems are no reason to make yourself look bad or cause fighting.
Kids won’t pull this type of
Kids won’t pull this type of crap subconsciously. They do it intentionally as a way to manipulate their parents. With my SD15, we knew exactly what she was doing and she talked constantly about going home.
More than likely it’s something else. Maybe your SS is struggling in a more difficult school. Or is distracted with other things (girls? video games?)
But if there is other indications that he wants to go back to his BM’s, then this becomes difficult.
SD15 intentionally failed 9th Grade to retaliate for being forced to live with her dad.. Nothing we did could get her to do anything at school. She failed to turn in homework or take notes. Even on texts, she would doodle and not fill in answers. We’d confront her about it and she would shrug and say “So?” with a smart ass grin. This is a girl who had A’s & B’s at her old school. She spent most of her time in school reading non-school books, which her teachers let her do in class as long since she was having “family issues”. (Now that she got what she wanted and is no longer living with us, she’s back to getting good grades and is taking online classes to make-up for failing 9th grade)
Failing at school was a way SD15 could piss off me and her dad, make him look bad, and retaliate about being forced to live with him. It was very much a control/manipulation game.
There are few things kids can control. Parents (or courts) get to tell them where they’re going to live and what they have to do. But grades are something within their control and they can retaliate (or feel in control, which is what SD15‘s therapist has said) by failing in school.