Ugh. I've been a stepmom and new wife for a little over one year. We met two years ago (me 33 and him 37.) In that year, my DH lost his job, he found a new job in another state, I managed to find a new job in that state, we moved (after him living there for a month and me living in the old place with SS(then 14) and SS (then 11)), lived in an apt while selling old house, had 2 sick (expensive) animals, bought new house, and moved in. Throw in a kidney stone and root canal in there too, just for kicks. The only relaxing time I've had in the past year is when SKids were living with their BM for 5 weeks in the summer.

Now, we have a very nice place to live. Much bigger, good schools, nice people, better jobs. I love my DH very much and am really happy to be with him. His ex lives in another state now (yay!) so we've eliminated that issue.

But, my Skids are driving me crazy. I thought I would be a good mom, but I'm mad all the time. They can be good kids, but when they are irresponsible I just get so angry and frustrated. They don't wake up on time (every single day) and it just ruins my mood. They don't think ahead or do things they are supposed to without being told. I probably expect too much, but I just don't know how to let go!

Now the ss15 is talking about being depressed and suicide. All because we make him wake up on time, go to class, and do his homework. He says all other teenagers have freedom to do whatever they want. I know we have to send him to a therapist, but money is tight. And that just adds more stress to me!

I feel like a failure because maybe I haven't been loving enough? Or too strict? He didn't do homework, so we've gradually taken away privleges - telling him that he can get them back if a week goes by without some missing assignment or failure notice from school. It's been 3 months - not working. He now spends the entire evening in a tv-less room with no computer, xbox, or friends over. We tell him, if he does the work he is supposed to, he gets to have those things back. But again, it doesn't work. My DH and I discipline together, and he supports me, but he is able to just like the errors go afterwards and I remember and relive the feelings all day and sometimes longer.

I'm now angry, sad, frustrated, depressed (but medicated), and tired. I work a full-time job and am trying to rake in extra income for things like Christmas, haircuts, braces, etc. I just want some time with peace. Where I don't feel like I've made a mistake - because I love my husband, but just thought I would be different as a stepmom.

How do I just let go of these feelings when I feel disappointed in myself?