You need to lay down on your sword on this one...DH is a fool. He is responsible if something happens while they are there. He is the homeowner. As for smoking pot in the house, you bet they have if they were there while you were not home.

Sounds like that kid needs a swift kick in the ass. He is only 15.

They aren't doing anything illegal??

OK, even if they AREN'T smoking pot (who knows for sure?) they ARE:

1. Breaking and entering
2. Stealing food
3. Sneaking out in the middle of the night (breaking curfew)

Your DH is a dumbass. I think you might need to check with a lawyer to make sure you have no liability if anything happened.

ugh. If the kid just ran away then perhaps he shouldnt be running around with his pals partying it up? Perhaps, getting in with a counselor, staying close to home, spending some family time would be more beneficial to him at this point than his pals. I am sure he wouldnt see it this way-but "running away" is a wake up call. It's not ordinary teen behavior and it should call from some significant changes from your dh in the way that he is parenting and should mean making efforts to get this kid some help.

I certainly dont blame you if you dont feel comfortable. I have never felt comfortable with my ss14 in the house for a variety of reasons. He's never been violent with me or threatened to beat me up or any such nonsense, but he has stolen from me (including my panties), stolen from my kids, likes to get pushy, shovy with the other kids, also has a hx of pot use, alcohol use, tobacco use. Essentially, he 's just an out of control kid that I dont want to be in the position of trying to control. I am assuming that's where alot of your discomfort comes in as well. If I had an inkling that there was pot in my house, the kid was smoking it there or had been, I'd call the police and let them handle it. He also was hopefully reported for being a run away? You could build a nice case here for an out of home placement.

Every day I thank God that I don't have to deal with shit like this. I don't know what I would do. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

You live there and have the right to roust out any non-residents.

But you've commented that you're not sure about this whole situation. Co-dependency on who's part? You are enabling him or he you? Either way you need to break it up and it sounds like leaving is the option of choice.

A warning about I let my kids do X (be it drugs, drunk, etc) at home so I can keep an eye on them. My aunt had that mentality with her two kids who where in thier teens. She let them smoke pot and drink at home, she would even buy them beer because she said she felt safe with them doing at home then be god knows where doing it.

They both turned out to be alcholics one son died in a motor cycle accident when he was 19, the other one became insanley depressed and shot himself on his 30th birthday.

This kid needs a good a**kicking first and his dad needs to man up and stop taking the easy way out. He who does not discipline his kids hates his kids. What kind of man lets a 15 year old push him around, either laiziness or weak character that he needs approval from people who don't deserve approval Time to end the self love and do the hard thing and be a real dad even it it means upsetting your little entitlement prince.

And if you husband isn't man enough to do that, I know deep inside you, you must feel disgusted and replused by his derilication of duty on his #1 job.

I know that you mention to DH that you feel unsafe with his your kid's friends and he basically blew you off and made excuses for his son. SS has thrown a tantrum once and run away, that probably creates dread in him. But now SS knows how 'glamous' running away is, if it was that great why did he come back? If SS wants to pull that BS card again you and DH stand firm at tell him remember what is was like when you ran way, and you had to rely on other people, not knowing where you would stay and not having enough food that you had to steal. Now imagine living that life for 1 year, not knowing where food is coming from, being a slave to drugs, not knowing where you are going to stay. 5 years when you have deterioted, what do you look like what do you feel like? What it like to live like this for five year. 10 years down the road, no skill, no prospects at anything. You want that, fine run away, but if you want to live here this is the way its going to be.

Demand your DH start discipling his children. No wishy washy half punishments with no follow through and earning back privildes with half effort. I've heard too many well he's making an effort so I'll give him stuff back crap. If these kids are in his school TRANSFER the kid to a new school ASAP. MONITOR all of his communications and whereabouts. If he goes out he must report in every hour and you check up on him when he's out. WHEN HE EARNS BACK your TRUST then you can be more let him have a little more slack, but as of right now his actions do not earn him trust.

If you DH has issues with asserting athority over his childen dispite his best effect, make him go into therapy to reslove these issues. But don't let that be an excuse for him to be wishy washy.

You need to draw the line that won't be crossed and be willing to accept what will happen if you DH enables his son. This problem won't just go away when he's 18, it will be worse, what will it feel like for you to have this stuff go on when he's 18, 20, 25, 30 same old crap, him living in and out of home, coming begging for money, still being a loser. It won't change unless a hard line is taken by both you and DH. If SS does something illegal have him arrested face to consquences, don't let DH save him.

If DH still wants to enable him decide what you are going to do. If he still lets SS smoke and have his friends over decied if you are going to go leave for somewhere else. I know it's difficult but eventually as this continues you are only going to grow more angry, more resentful that nothing has changed, your attraction to him as a man will fade and then you'll loook back at all years of your life gone dealing with total crap. It's kind of like pay me now or pay me later.