Disrespectful, lazy stepson
Forums:
<p>Please help! I am a 33 year old stepmom to 3 boys, 16, 17 & 18. Currently the 17 year-old is next level pushing my limits!!! He is lazy as F, dropped out of school, barely works and has no respect! It's just one thing after another. He has destroyed some of his father's art, outright lies, doesn't clean up after himself, ignores you and the latest disrespect to our stuff. He took the cover off a one of my collectors books and left it in his room. I don't care about the money lost, I just care that he doesn't care, at all!! Whenever his dad tries to talk to him or discipline him, he just goes back to his mum's and stops coming to ours. This kills his dad! Please, what should I do??</p>
Let him stay at his mom's.
Let him stay at his mom's. Your DH needs to set limits and stick with it, and not give in to the kid's manipulation.
This will be hard for your DH
This will be hard for your DH, but he must attempt to parent SS17. He NEEDS a plan to finish school or get his GED so that he can either get a job, or get into a trade school or certificate program or some additional training for something. He is on the cusp of being an adult, and it's way past time to prepare for that. Once he's 18, then he's either working full time, going to school full time, or some combination that is the equivalent of full time.
His Mom might be content to have SS sleep all day and play video games all night, and there's nothing you can do about that. That kind of non-parenting will ruin a kid. But your DH can make it clear that laziness and rudeness will not be tolerated under his roof.
Clear expectations plus consequences for not meeting those expectations is the only hope this kid has. But it's a little late for that now, SS will no doubt rebel, and DH just might lose him for a time. But, really, isn't he already lost?
17 and a HS dropout? Time for forced emancipation.
Tell DH to forcibly emancipate the POS and get him TF out of your life.
NOW!
Upon dropping out, no kid would reside in my home unless they were employed full time and paying a shit ton for room and board. If they are a full time student, fine. If they graduate from HS and work full time.... fine.
But drop out and think that you are going to play sofa rodeo rider in my home, gird your loins kid, you are going to work. You are going scrub every toilet daily, sweep, vacuum, mop, dust, scrub, wash, fold, iron, put away, wipe off walls, touch up paint, scrape, sand, repaint, mow, edge, weed, trim, water, dig, fill in, polish, slice, dice, chop, cut, saute, season, grill, smoke, braze, roast, bake, julienne, plate, serve, pick up, wash, dry, sanitize, put away, and if you get it all done today, you get to go to bed in the house and do it all again tomorrow. If you fail, enjoy the curb.
Grrrr!
The primary job of a parent is to raise children to viable adulthood. With some kids that is not all that difficult, with others, it is. Either way, the parents responsibility to society remains the same. It is up to the kid whether or not they go the easy way, or the hard way.
this works
unless the BM allows him to go to her house and not come back.
Though sad.
At least DH set and enforced the standards. That TT facilitates the trash outcome, is on her. And you and DH need to keep that message front and center for the Skids and for TT,
IMHO of course.
At least in your marriage, gone is a win. If the Skids are TT like failures. If they recover, it is still a win and attributable to the example you and DH set for them.
Tell him straight
Up that he can only stay unless he starts pulling his weight,Either get a job a part time job,Do some chores around the house,We need our grass cut can you cut the grass please,Wash our car,Mop the floor ,Do the dishes,Empty the trash,Hang or do the laundry,Laying about will not be tolerated ,He's still 17 so needs to be ready for the adult world,You know responsibilities,It's causing tension with you and your hubby,He needs to set him straight...If he doesn't want to pull his weight then he'll just end up an unemployed bum ten years from now still living with his mum and mooching off you and his father,
Tell him straight
Up that he can only stay unless he starts pulling his weight,Either get a job a part time job,Do some chores around the house,We need our grass cut can you cut the grass please,Wash our car,Mop the floor ,Do the dishes,Empty the trash,Hang or do the laundry,Laying about will not be tolerated ,He's still 17 so needs to be ready for the adult world,You know responsibilities,It's causing tension with you and your hubby,He needs to set him straight...If he doesn't want to pull his weight then he'll just end up an unemployed bum ten years from now still living with his mum and mooching off you and his father,