DH just can't put his foot down!
Another episode of her highness gets her way!
SD INFORMED (did not ask) us that she was dying her hair some crazy color this weekend while she was at her cousin's (because her cousin's mom was letting my niece do this), and asked us for money to buy the hair dye. DH and I discussed it, and I expressed concern that this $20 now for hair dye would end up being a $100+ dye job in August to get it fixed before school so that her hair is withing the school rules (must be a natural color, and what SD wants to do to it, you can't just put a color over it...it will need to be lifted out and something close to her natural color put back in, which will require a professional to not fry her hair even more than it already is). I also pointed out that SD's hair is already badly damaged because of all the crap she has been doing to it, and she really needs to leave it alone for a spell so that enough healthy hair can grow out to get the fried crap cut off. DH appeared to see my point, as he is always complaining himself that SD's hair looks like crap and she needs to quit using stylers and styling products and try to let it get healthy again.
After our discussion, DH told my SD that he would not be allowing her to dye her hair, and laid out the reasons: 1) she didn't ask, she just told; 2) it wasn't fair for her to assume we would spend a large amount of money to put her hair back to her natural color for school; and 3) she needs to leave her hair alone for awhile and let it get healthy again. SD threw a fit, and DH told her to get over it, that was his ruling. I was kinda proud of him for a bit...putting his foot down and all.
So, I left Sunday to take my son to his college visit. DH took my SD over to her cousin's, and he hung out a bit with his sister and her fiancee. Somewhere in all of that, he changed his mind about the hair dying, and now SD has purple hair...not all of it, just about half way up from the bottom. DH uses the excuse that doing it this way, we can just cut it off, and SD is cool with this. I point out that SD's hair does not grow that fast, and cutting it off is going to mean this bob-cut that she will not go for...that sure, she will agree to anything to get her way for now, but later will pitch a fit about her hair being that short and will expect that we will pay to put her hair back to normal color. I also pointed out that going back on his decision reaffirmed to her that all she needs to do is push buttons and she will eventually get her way (which she does all the time)!
No wonder this child is getting into so much crap! You might as well say she doesn't have parents! I'm not allowed to do anything, and mommy and daddy are too busy trying to get the child to like them to actually put their foot down!
mommy and daddy are too busy
mommy and daddy are too busy trying to get the child to like them to actually put their foot down!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This was/is my DH and BM too! Kind of sick.
And what is it with girls and purple hair these days? Sorry, but it looks absurd to me.
Oh, trust me...it looks
Oh, trust me...it looks completely ridiculous on my SD. What is worse...my SD has these "bangs" that need to go. She has really thin hair, and she has what I can only describe as "Beiber bangs" (his old hair style). With her thin hair, and where she is parting it, it seriously looks like a bald man come-over! These "bangs" are always oily and plastered to her forehead, because her hair is so thin and she can't keep her hands off of them (constantly moving them out of her eyes). I'm really surprised no one at school kids her about her hair...as SD keeps trying to say that it is the style, but I see NO other kids, at her school, the mall, etc., with the hair style she is trying to pull off. Don't get me wrong...I'm all for kids expressing their own style, but it should still be one that represents clean and healthy...not something that looks like you haven't washed your hair in a week.
This fall I'd take her to my
This fall I'd take her to my hairdresser (long time friend) and have her cut it about 1/2 inch long in a pixie cut.
^^^^^THIS^^^^^ Too much
^^^^^THIS^^^^^ Too much damage on hair can't be undone. Cutting it is the only solution.
You and I sound like we have
You and I sound like we have the same BM/DH/SD combo. Mine are the same way...SD whines and BM/DH are too worried about keeping her happy and being her friend than they are being a parent. That's why I disengaged....and life is happier now
I know the kind of style you
I know the kind of style you are talking about, my one niece sort of does her hair like this (comb over look) and she is nearly 20! Makes ya just want to take out a scissors and chop it all off, especially when they have this habit of always touching it. My ss16 now is doing his hair spiked in the center so it looks like a gerber baby, literally :jawdrop: So stupid and then he asked his dad for gel. He asked me once to get him some and I said no, not to foster that style. YUK. But that's kids these days.
That is my plan...sticking to
That is my plan...sticking to the haircut agreement. This will be the ONLY option, as there will not be money for her hair to be dyed back to it's normal color all the way through...if I have to take it out of the account and hide it! She doesn't like the cut? Oh well!
At the same time, DH needs to start sticking to what he says! This isn't like it was something only discussed between us, and then he went ahead and let her do it anyway. He told her no, then turned around and let her do it! The only lesson learned here so far is that if dad says something, he doesn't really mean it...SD can bat her eyes, give extra hugs, or whatever, and dear daddy will give in!
Same thing happened with SD gauging her ears...DH told her he didn't approve of it. At least then, SD had bought the gauges on her own while she was at BM's, so there wasn't much he could do about it...at least in his mind (I would have ordered her to take the things out of her ears and let the piercings go back to normal size). Here recently, SD laid on the sweetness, and convinced DH to buy her tunnels (a form of gauges), as long as she promised NEVER to go larger than that specific size. So, now, he has basically given her permission to gauge her ears. Personally, I am surprised that you don't have to be at least 18 to purchase gauges without a parent. I mean, you have to be 18 or have a parent to get the original piercing...that does not mean the child should be allowed to stretch their ears to un-godly shapes without parental consent! Body modification is body modification! Children/teens are not in the right frame of mind to make these decisions...which is why they have age limits for a reason!
All depends were you go. A
All depends were you go. A reputable place will require parental consent (I had to give it for her belly piercing), but there are places on the boardwalk that will do anything.
Exactly! I'm all for teens
Exactly! I'm all for teens being able to express their own sense of style...within reason. The child's style shouldn't come with expectations from the parent (such as having to get a professional dye job to fix the damage they did to their hair) or involve permanent body modifications...these should wait until the child is 18. Even then, they may still make dumb decisions, but at this point it falls 100% on them...not the parents.
I'm still waiting for her to come home with one of those "jail" tattoos. She already wants one, and has this crazy idea that she can get one before she is 18 if a parent signs off on it...but NO tattoo place here will tattoo ANYONE under the age of 18...it is law! So, thinking it is just a matter of time before her and her friends figure out how to do one with pen ink and stuff like they do in jail, and she puts something stupid on her that is permanent!
Mine finally DID put his foot
Mine finally DID put his foot down with my SD last night, Its not easy try this suggestion
1- Yes while parents might change their mind about a decision regarding their child without you being involved or notifed that the change was done ( would would make you feel like your not good enough) REMIND him that its also the BOTH of your money that he is spending and he is teaching SD that she does not have to take into any consideration on how you feel, REMIND him he is disrespecting you and sending two completely different messages to you and her both.
1- You say he told her no at first, then a decision you both had made as a couple got changed without notifiying you first, you may not be the bio mom of SD but you have just as much say in how the money is being spent and the decisons that are made inside and outside of your home. If she wanted purple hair one have her do some chores to earn the money herself to buy purple spray for her hair for the summer it easlily washes out and its not like some teens are not doing it that way. and that way if she did not like the purple she could wash it out and with the rest of the money buy yellow or green spray for her hair.
2-Tell her father that the reason you brough tup the cost is because you know as parents that when school gets back, sd is going to need school supplies and clothes, and you'd rather see the money go for what she really needs instead of what sd just " wants", What is more important to him purple temp hair for his daughter or making sure he provides school supplies and clothes. and say anything extra that your SD needs SHOULD be SD's responsibility if she is old enough to have purple hair then she is old enough to work and find a job to pay for it herself.
and tell her father in this order why he was teaching his daughter to be disrespectful also throw in the fact how would he feel if some guy was too disrepect his daughter after marrying some guy who disregarded how his wife feels/
in saying this yes her father will get upset but he will also come to understand at the same time, he is teaching his daughter its okay if someone disrepects her and he is teaching her that what you say in your home is not important.
If he gets upset, let him be upset, but never put up with not being able to have say in your house or with your money!