Cinderella has nothing on my stepson
Well, I am more evil than one can imagine it seems.
Me and SO took a week, went on a little vacation. We arranged to have SS aunt come and stay. SS is 17 but can't be trusted to be left on his own.
We returned last night, Auntie was still here so we had a visit, talked about how things went etc.
It seems that according to SS, I "don't feed him, I took away his best friend, I don't allow him in the kitchen, I refuse to do his laundry, I lie to his dad all the time, i wont allow him yo gave cable or internet, and I am a alcoholic"
Wow. I make supper every night, I leave the grocery list on the counter for him to add items to, I did his laundry until he told me he would do it himself after I questioned the fact there were only one or two pairs on socks and underwear in a weeks worth of laundry. ( he won't change his underclothes or socks, dirty ones go back on when and if he bothers to shower) My SO knows everything I do, my past, my day to day, we have attended counciling since we moved in together to keep our communication open, we have no secrets.
I'm actually just sad and defeated. As for the alcoholic comment, hahaha, if a glass of wine with supper once and a while makes me a alcoholic, well then I guess he is spot on. My SO's ex wife left us with 200 thousand in debt, I would over cable and Internet but finances are just not available to get either right now, it's a sacrifice we are making to help dig ourselves.
Anger has kept me going but hearing the lies SS is telling people has taken the wind out of my sails. I have tried so hard and sacrificed so much for that self centered spoiled brat.
Icing on the cake was finding out SS had his cousin over whole we were gone and allowed him to bring his dog in the house for two days. I have severe allergies, I cannot breathe and end up with swollen eyes and hives.
I am lost and don't know if I can pull myself out of this one.
Sorry about the spelling,
Sorry about the spelling, posting from my phone and autocorrect took over
You need to
You need to disengage.
DISENGAGING (from the book Stepmonster)
To disengage--to simply try less or stop trying at all--requires accepting a number of truths about being married to a man with children.
*They are not your children.
*You are not responsible for overcoming their upbringing or any emotional or social problems they have.
* You are not responsible for what kind of people they are. You are not responsible for what kind of people they become.
*These responsibilities belong to your husband, who will likely not raise his kids (or make interventions with his adult kids) the way you would.
Having accepted this reality, you then make a promise to yourself: I will never give them the opportunity to treat me disrespectfully again.
*************************************************************************************
Excellent Reviews on the book Stepmonster:
Couldn't have said it better myself. I find this review hit the nail on the head.
"Stepmothers don't get permission to feel anything less than never-ending love and understanding toward their step-kids. Yet those very step-kids are almost expected to dislike and reject their stepmothers, and understood if they do. All the while our husbands and the rest of society expect the adult (us, even if the children are also adults) to take the high road in the face of the steady pain that is inflicted upon us. Our step children are never expected to love us like they love their mothers (or even like us) but we stepmothers are not offered any clemency if we do not love our step children like we would (or do) love our own, and God forbid we don't even like them. Why?!?! If it weren't for the fact that I am the older of the 2 of us I would never be expected to accept such an injustice or demonstrate such pure sacrifice. Absurd! But there is no doubt that this is our reality.
Wednesday also touches on the fact that our husbands contribute to our pain as much and sometimes more than the kids themselves; either by excusing or defending his child's actions, disregarding our feelings, not acknowledging our hurt, blaming us for not possessing the ability to bond or for not trying hard enough, regularly placing their children's needs before ours, or taking their side in a disagreement. This makes for a lonely, sad and unfulfilling marriage at the very least. But more likely adds to that, anger, regret, resentment, hopelessness & misery that you may have otherwise never had to experience if you had married a man who loved you first and foremost."
I can understand how you feel betrayed and hurt my the thoughtless stepshit letting in the dog. I have had a collapsed lung since 2008 from bronchiestatis (a rare side effect of pnuemonia) yet when his kids are sick with colds, etc my H insists they come over....which could kill me.
I have been disengaged for 2 months and it really does help.
Good luck and please get the book Stepmonster. The author of Stepmonster also has a very helpful website.
http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/
This is a great book. My DH
This is a great book. My DH read it too.
We begged SD16's aunty to have her for 2 nights. It seemed a really big deal to her. She has not been involved and DH and I think that SD needs more female role models and to get out more. When I met with her, she said that SD16 had said that she has no jumpers or warm clothes and therefore went out and bought her some with DH's money ofcourse. Also that she did not have a key - which was not true. They are tricky little devils. Aunty was never heard of again as far as looking after SD16 in any way or being part of her life. The truth that you cannot see right now is that these people being fed rubbish by teenagers are very foolish to believe it and unfortunately are not qualified therefore to be role models and carers. What a shame because if you are like me, its great to have some breathing space from them.
Disengage. Read the book. You will love it.