I'm a childless stepmom to SD 14 and SS 10. SS 10 is a great kid, I'm SO thankful for him, he is loving and shares his life with me as does DH. It took some time to get there, but the 3 of us have a great relationship. SD 14 is the issue. A short background on her and BM: BM had addiction issues before SD was born (pills then alcohol after doctors would not giver her more pills), BM never really treated SD like a real child, almost treated SD like she was a doll when she was sober and would pay attention. DH would come home from work and BM and SD would be sleeping, ALL DAY, BM never said no to SD, had pacifiers up until she was 5, never was made to sleep in her own bed, was treated like a toddler for so long, BM would say she was the only one who could fill SD with love. BM was arrested for shoplifting while using SD and stroller for cover when SD was 6 months. BM would pawn stuff in the house to get $ for alcohol, steal checks out of the back of DHs checkbook for alcohol. BM was in and out of 5 rehabs before she left DH, SD and SS, SD was 5 1/2 when BM left. BM disappeared, no one knew where she was and assumed she wasn't coming back. He got a divorce. She surprise showed back up after DH and I were dating for 2 months. She saw them off and on for 4 years and said she was sober the whole time, then we learned she wasn't, still drinking and taking pills, caught driving without insurance, license suspended, then was arrested again for shoplifting while on a suspended license, in and out of more rehabs, lied to skids, held in contempt for not paying child support. Had another child with AA boyfriend, when that didn't work out we learned when kids would go over there, they were almost always around different men BM was meeting at AA. She ran away to a different city (5 months after we got married), had a 4th child, got married (that guy is in jail for armed robbery now), kids haven't seen her or spoken to her in nearly 4 years.

DH and I started dating when SD was just over 6. We got married when SD was 10, I moved in to DHs house about 3 months before the wedding. Since I started dating DH these are items that have been an issue with SD: still drinking out of sippy cups till she was 7, started attempting to sleep in her bed when 7, sneaking into DHs bed for at least 2 years (saw a behavioral specialist, it didn't work), crying uncontrollably when we'd have to leave grandparents, severe issues with food, unable to have social conversations, coming into our bedroom without asking, breaking through the lock to our door so we were forced to add an extra lock and a security bar under the door knob, breaking new glasses because she refused to sleep without them, when we took them away at night she'd become like a wild animal screaming, growling, crying, grunting, kicking, slept in the bathroom for 4 months right before 5th grade started, stated she saw ghosts, constantly turning on all lights to sleep, lied to 2 different counselors about her sleeping issues, refused to shave her armpits for a year and then I had to cut off the long hair when she decided she should shave, has always had an issue with hygiene, doesn't truly understand how to wash her hair only washes the ends, refuses to wash her face in the shower, refused to accept that she started her period and refused to wear anything, then when she did she'd collect them in a drawer, UNBELIEVABLY bad attitude, constant arguing, very inappropriate emotional responses like giggling and laughing to people getting hurt or killed (like murders you hear about on tv). When we've tried to help SD with change, she FIGHTS the issue to keep it as she wants it. SD will figure out ways to lie and deceive us to get what she wants even if it is for one more time and again, throw huge panic fits because she doesn't want to deal with change. I haven't even listed the issues with how I've been talked to and treated by both skids and the things they were told by BM and BMs BM.

Current issue: we found that SD was using her phone and ipod touch to text, send pics, videos and skype boys in different states sexual content back and forth. And I mean something like you'd see in a porn mag. Teacher alerted DH, he made SD delete apps. I caught her a 2nd time and took her devices because she'd downloaded apps again. Caught her a 3rd time using grandparents computer. Caught her this last time using our home phone. SD has said she truly believes that these boys and her and in love. It's like her reality isn't real. We are setting up an appointment with a highly recommended therapist. But can anyone please help. DH has had SO much tolerance but he is at the end of his rope now.

HELP!!!!