Advice please
Please help me with some advice on my nearly 16 step daughter! So Me and her dad have been married 6 years. Together for 9. We have 2 daughters together and I have 2 sons from previous. We gel pretty well except for the fact his daughter does not and has never seem to want to play ball! She is her mother's only child so I don't no if this has something to do with her awkwardness. So even after been part of this girls life for 9 years she still treats me like a stranger. Honestly she won't say nothing to me unless I ask her. I get no hello.no goodbye.. no thank you s no nothing. She hardly says anything to her father either. He gets very much the same as me.. except he gets a hello and goodbye but he has to force conversation out of her! Her siblings get very little out of her. She just nods as they talk to her. She has never wished her little sisters a happy birthday or given them a hug in there life. She acts like they not in the room. Her sisters are 6 and 3. My 3 old trys so hard to play with her and it breaks My heart as they meant to be sisters but she as good as a stranger really. I say to my husband this is not normal and he says he don't no how to deal with her as he don't want to upset or loose her!! It's so obvious she is miserable at our house, say she is almost 16 why don't u visit her rather then her visit us and he said her mum would never allow it!! Worth mentioning her mum lobes nothing more then to abuse My husband DESPITE him never missing a child payment and driving 2 hrs every other weekend to pick up this girl who clearly is not interested! I am so so sick of the atmosphere in my house and I just don't no what to do!! I read ppl saying there step kids are rude !! I wish I had this sometimes cos we get nothing of her !! Btw she is very intelligent. Top sets for all and tipped to ace all her gcse so there is defo nothing wrong with her... what would you do as I have given up trying????
This sounds like a parental
This sounds like a parental alienation situation, where BM has turned the girl against you and DH, and your kids. There honestly isn't much you can do - but DH should continue to be a father and set limits. Her silence is a form of rudeness.
First, your SD is terribly
First, your SD is terribly rude. I don't see how you can think otherwise. She's also mean - ignoring her young siblings isn't nice at all.
If she's been allowed to behave this way for 9 years, what your husband is doing clearly isn't working. Perhaps he should try correcting her and letting her know she'll be expected to interact with the family while she's in your home, because it's the proper thing to do. Maybe she needs to be upset. And really, what does he have to lose? She's 2 years from adulthood and it seems like he has a non-relationship with her now. She's in your home, but she's not present and she's not part of the family.
So if I read right she's only
So if I read right she's only there about 2 weekends a month. So no, she probably doesn't feel like a big part of the family and many girls are naturally more engaging with their moms rather than their dads. Not to minimize the situation but many teenagers can be real selfish jerks in general. It might be as simple as she is centered on her own life and friends and dislikes having to take time out to go to dads house. It's still rude and should be addressed but it might not really be that personal. Some teens just are a pain. Admittedly though its hard to know for sure through an internet post.....
This has been going on for 9
This has been going on for 9 years, since she was 7. Much more than just teen angst.
It's possible you don't know,
It's possible you don't know, but is she introverted outside of visits to your house? Is she quiet among teachers/coaches/peers? If so, maybe she's just not one to engage.if she's clearly incredibly social outside of your home, then it would seem that standoffishness is only about your family. Which...is tricky. If she's being directly rude, it's easy to call that out and be clear that she can't talk back to you or call your kids names, but it's harder to say "you aren't acting enougj like family" because that's subjective and not a specific thing you can ask her to work on. The best you may be able to do is just keep being kind to her but letting her be a retesting teenager.
if it's PAS like suggested above, you may not see her after 18.
Obviously you know your
Obviously you know your situation best, but I was wondering the same as Grudging SM ie whether your SD is just really introverted and just doesn't feel comfortable or like she fits in at your place. Two weekends a month isn't much bonding time after all.
The other thing that struck me is your husbands fear that he will lose her if he raises the matter but what exactly is there to lose when there is clearly no relationship there? Why can't he talk to her about it (gently and calmly) and try to understand how she's feeling. Or perhaps send her to counselling and do family sessions too?
I get that you probably don't care that much but your DH should be doing everything he can to engage and bond with his daughter instead of throwing his hands up in the air and saying it's all too hard.