Why is it always so hard on me when my kids leave?
Hello,
I'm new here so first off I'd like to say hello! I'm a very proud father of twin daughters who are 7, and a son how is 4. I also have step son who is 7. My ex wife and I were divorced about 3 years ago. I do not have shard physical custody of my kids, but I have parenting time that consists of 1/2 of the week.
After three years it's still extremely hard on me when my kids have to leave. I feel I'm lucky that I get to see them as much as I do, but for some reason, even after three years, it still takes a big toll on me. I wouldn't even say it makes me sad, because it's actually worse, it's more like painful. I want this feeling to go away so bad, but I can't seem to shake it for anything. Maybe if somebody else has experienced the same kind of thing, and has some advice on how to overcome these feelings? As soon as I'm with them again, it's gone, but the minute their gone, it's back. The only thing that makes me feel better is being around my girlfriend. Any advice? I would love to lift this "heavy weight" from my shoulders. Thank you!
Do you think that it's normal
Do you think that it's normal even though it has been three years?
I think it wouldn't matter if
I think it wouldn't matter if it was 3 years or 30. Whenever someone we love leaves for any period of time we naturally will miss and worry about them. I think perhaps worrying about worrying is causing you a lot if stress. If you can accept it is natural to miss them and know they are safe and happy when they are not with you, then perhaps you could not only enjoy the time they spend with you better, but also the time they are not with you.
You have chosen to go into a new relationship. If you spend half the week in that relationship with your kids and the other half fretting for them, you risk damaging your relationship. Your new partner will sense you are withdrawn and wonder why or get tired of it. Your children will sense your unhappiness and pain too. You owe it to them to find a way to handle this better.
You have a lot to be thankful for here. You could be a parent who only sees their kids EOW. Can you try to focus on the positives here. Instead of worrying so much. Perhaps you could look forward to them coming and be happy with the thought. Enjoy the time they are there and send them off happy in the knowledge they will be back again soon, and enjoy some time with your partner without so many kids in the house.
Now the other thing is perhaps you are feeling a little depressed. You may want to speak to your GP about your feelings. Your happiness you seem to be saying is dependent on your girlfriend one half if the week and your kids the other. You shouldn't need to depend on others to keep you happy. So I am thinking that all of this from the time of your separation until now has been very, very hard on you. A talk with your doctor may help.
JThomas. I think what you
JThomas. I think what you are experiencing is normal. You've been divorced for longer than I have, but I go through the same heartache. For me, it's almost gotten worse since I've remarried because I feel guilty that my step kids see me so much more frequently than my bio kids do.
Be happy you don't have to go
Be happy you don't have to go MONTHS in between seeing them, like I do, unfortunately. My daughter chose to live with her dad in Michigan, I'm in Denver. He has custody, I have visitation. I get to see my DD14 during spring and summer breaks and then I travel up to MI for Christmas.
I know when she gets older (and hopefully we can move closer), I'll probably see her more often, but right now it sucks ass. Moving to Michigan isn't an option for me and she wants to move away from there after her 4 yrs of high school are up anyway.
I feel for you. I do. I'm sorry it hurts so much when they leave. If it's any consolation to you at all, just know they are happy