new to the forum, have nobody to talk to
hey guys im new here and like the title says, i dont have anybody i can vent to in my everyday life. sorry if i dont know all the lingo yet, im sure ill pick it up
this november i will be marrying my girlfriend of 3 years. that will make me the stepfather of her 3 children from her previous marriage. there is a boy 11, and 2 girls 6 and 4. i get along great with the youngest 2, probably because i was around for pretty much their entire lives. the oldest though gives me problems. his father was mentally and physically abusive to him and his mother. he was bipolar and even spent time in group homes because he was too much for his parents to handle. the 11 year old acts identical to his father. he doesnt handle authority well at all, which is why we have such problems. i was raised to have respect and always be the best person i can be. we clash a lot over the dumbest things. he is an overeater and we fight alot over how much food he can have, he once told me he hated me because i said he wasnt allowed to have a cupcake.
anyways, we had a fight last night again, but this time his mother decided to take his side. afterwards she asked if i ever would try to have a relationship with him, as if i was the one holding up the whole process. then she mentioned that she thinks i hate him. i refuse to say or even think that i hate him, but i know im just lying to myself. is this so wrong though? i am firm with these kids, he gets the same treatment as the other 2 do, its just that they react better to it than he does. sometimes i want to just never speak to him again, so that when he grows up and turns into a bad person like his father, i can tell the whole family "i told you so". i know that i do call him out on a lot of his crap, if not every bit of it, but it really is stuff that he shouldnt do or needs to learn from. anyways, thanks for listening to my rant. knowing this kid, there will be plenty more crap for me to vent about, most of which is very ridiculous and comical.
and by the way, this is all starting to effect my relationship with my soon to be wife. we are fighting more and more lately. i think we've only had sex twice in the last 2 months
Hello nice to meet you, I
Hello
nice to meet you, I think you will enjoy it here, give people time to get to your posts,
Thanks KTL
We do have different styles.
We do have different styles. She let's things slide a lot because he's just a kid, but he is old enough to know the difference. He made me so mad that I told him I hated him too, I did apologize after and say I really didn't hate him, he didn't take it back though. He also likes to manipulate his mom too, which is why we argued last night
93notch...Sorry to tell you
93notch...Sorry to tell you but you will find that 3 years will turn into 30 and chances are you will always have these issues. I have been with my husband for 10 years. 2 stepkids and one irrational baby momma in the picture. I would tell you to run for the hills but that would be unfair of me to say. Because despite all the drama, I am very happy in my marriage and wouldn't change my husband for any man in the world. I guess the only advice I can give you is to start getting a thick skin and try and navigate the situation the best way you can. Good luck...This is a great site and will be a huge help in getting you thru those intolerable days.
I happen to agree with you
I happen to agree with you Unfreakingreal. I am 14 years into a marriage that is evolving backwards because of DH inability to parent. I waited and waited and waited for either DH to get a hold of his senses or for SS to "grow out of it". Did not happen.
Hi and welcome. I only
Hi and welcome. I only joined today, don't worry, you are not the newest person here.
I find that I am in a similar position. I also dislike my ss immensely as he is also a problem child. There are many similarities between our stories, and i have to say I am battling with the same thing. I will watch with interest to see what advice you get.
Good luck.
I think the most thankless
I think the most thankless job in the world is having to step parent (or even parent)a child with emotional and/or medical instabilities. Think about it, people with specialized degrees are paid alot of money in schools, Dr.'s offices, court systems etc. to deal with these children and step parents and parents basically are just dealing with the cards they were dealt without alot of education, resources etc.
I think what you must remember is that there most likely will be resentment for his unruly behavior and disruption of your home and life and honestly i don't see anything wrong with that.. it's human nature! i would just be careful about letting it get out of control and letting it escalate to "I hate you" and disagreements with your soon to be wife.
good luck!
Wow my "husband" (we arent
Wow my "husband" (we arent married but we call ourselves a family) is in your shoes. He adores my 3yr daughter and 6yr son, he's been there for them, he has taken the role of father w much love and courage. They love him, feel loved and secure w him. when its bed time they are having their daddy stevie snuggle time watchin the upside down show. Oh but my 13 yr old, hes very disecting of her behavior, calls her out on everything. Top it off when hes got a grudge w her, he shuts down on me. cold as ice, with holds love, any affection or acknowlegement of my being there next to him. Yet he denys it, says hes cool. I support his efforts to correct and discipline, but he takes it all personal. Im thinking she a stupid teenager get over yourself, I would advise the not with hold love as a part of discipline, to SS or wife. It hurts my spirt so badly to see my D punished by his resentment and for me to lose my spouse while he sits in his pile of shit having his grudge party. unconditional love is a choice, to love another regardless of actions, or what one does or does not do. Some times we have to love from a distance, but to always love. When we change our attitude our feelings tend to follow suite. Im a passionate woman, about life and all it has to offer. I think I drive my hubby nuts w all my deep thinking,but really perhaps your ss was placed in your life as an opportunity to grow and for him to be loved. Take it