I actually do love kiddo. I would find it hard to imagine that someone could NOT love that child... My thing is that he has two PARENTS that love him so why am I the only one RAISING him and doing the day to day monotonous MOM stuff? you know? I told H all this the other night and he finally seemed to get it - He asked me if i actually really thought that BM was trying to be a mom for once and I said ya, i do. He looked really skeptical so i explained. I said I do think she is trying; do i have any idea why? no. Could it be a selfish reason like showing off for the new boyfriend? yes. But she does seem to be trying. She already abandoned one kid and it would be easier to do it to this one than to try and see him but she isnt doing that right now. I said do i wish that I could raise kiddo like he was my own, expose him to only what i want to expose him to, parent him like i would parent my kid? Hell ya! But can I? No, cause he's not my kid. When i have kids ill get to do all that - I said BM is the one who is supposed to be telling me how to raise her kid, not the other way around like it is now. Do I want to deal with that bitch? No. Do I have serious safety concerns about kiddo being around her? Hell ya. But im not his mother, she is. Thats her kid, not my kid, and as much as I hate it... if she wants to (in my opinion) fuck him up all to hell than she can do that. When i have MY kids I get the final say in EVERYTHING, I get to choose how to raise them. But kiddo is not my kid. Im his stepmom. And in a few years that is going to become as clear to him as it is to everyone else, no matter how much everyone wants to pretend like he's mine cause they hate his mother. I told H the two of them need to go to counseling and work out the shit from their past that is keeping them from dealing with the shit in the present. I clarified that the issues they have and the drama that comes from shit from their relationship and however they hurt eachother as teenagers is NOT MY PROBLEM -I was a 16 year old exchange student living on another CONTINENT, in love with a colombian at the time and didnt know and couldnt have cared that H existed back then - NOT MY PROBLEM. I said that parenting issues, scheduling issues and things in the present ARE my problem. He seems to get it. And he is GOING to step up because im not doing it anymore and he just doesnt have a choice in the matter. I could give a fuck less how much he pouts, yells, manipulates to get out of it or how many doors he (like he just did) slams. He's gonna do it. Welcome to Iwishyouwould deal with the consequenses of your actions and take responsibility for them boot camp.