Do I need Anger Management?
I guess if I need to ask that question, maybe the answer is yes...
DW has 4...Boys 16 and 15, girls 8 and 9.
When the teens (esp the 15yo) do things like mouth off, leave their clothes in the living room, or when I see my DW upset that one or both of them show disrespect, or any other teenage behavior, I have these terribly violent thoughts of doing things like kicking their door down, grabbing them by the back of the neck, knocking their heads together, and screaming something like "Show my wife disrespect again, and I'll put your fuckin head through the window!"
This is just one example of many.
Sometimes these thoughts keep me up at night and I get crazy because I feel like I'm allowing this kid to control my sleep and peaceful existence.
I feel that the 15yo would benefit from a quick pop in the mouth, but DW is very much for sparing the rod.
Of course I would never act on these impulses, but I'm just wondering if they are normal.
For the record, DW is a great mom and she does run a tight ship. I realize with 4 kids, things could be alot worse, but I get so freakin enraged that I just want to rip his head off.
Any advice (be brutal if you must) would be great. I get along pretty well with the other 3, but the 15yo drives me crazy.
It sounds to me like you are
It sounds to me like you are already managing your anger. Instead of actually doing or saying what you are thinking you are holding yourself back.
A parenting class for teens, or some stress management classes could still be benefitial though. There might be some techniques or tips they could help with to help you reduce the strength of your emotions or give you an outlet for them.
Anger management classes will help you "manage" your anger. Right now you're probably just bottling it up which increases the intensity until you explode. Is there anything you do to get it out of your system? Some suggestions they give for stress and anger is working out or finding a hobby that is somewhat physical.
It would seem that the intensity of your emotions is what is bothering you. Since you feel like you shouldn't feel that way about your kids. So, maybe try classes or look for an activity that will allow you to vent some of that and maybe the kids won't get under your skin quite as easily.
Tt took great restraint not
Tt took great restraint not to haul off and smack my husband's oldest daughter. Her sneering face and lying mouth, I just kept telling myself she's rude to me, but so much worse to her mother.
Good luck, I know how you feel. I had a brother who constantly kept our home in turmoil and still does to this day. So you've got to realize that it's not you...it's the boys and their mother who doesn't handle the issues appropriately.
So you need to just sit back and endure the craziness. You can't win when dealing with these kinds of kids. Their anger only esculates and matters become worse.
SOrry to tell you, but they'll probably always behave like this. I hope not, but I doubt the boys or your wife changes. So you need to make sure you keep yourself in check and do nothing that lands you in jail or prison. That will be very difficult and challenging. I'm amazed my dad hasn't literally taken out my vicious brother that isn't allowed to visit any of our homes nor do his kids have anything to do with him. It happens in bio families just as step families.
It's the kid's MO....and life is really miserable around these people.